Let The Wind Blow
by Yulisan
Summary: After a dark childhood, Haruhi is admitted into a home for troubled teenagers. In hopes to fix herself and gain the life she always wanted, she befriends 6 equally troubled boys with a lot of love and care to give. Although love is something alien to her, she is eager to learn and discover the new feelings that grow within. M for lemons, dark themes & mentions of abuse & suicide.
1. Chapter 1 - The Bridge

**.**

**Let The Wind Blow**

**Chapter 1.**

**(Caution - Contains dark themes and mentions of abuse and suicide.  
If you are sensitive to these subjects please do not read. But don't worry! It gets happier!)**

* * *

The water below me crashed against the iron legs of the bridge in angry torrents. Vibrating the structure under my feet with every wave. My tears mixed in with the rain drops that flurried around me, and the wind that tore my hair up in tangled whisps – comprimised my grip on the bar behind me. My voice was loud in my head, screaming at me to jump into the watery shadows that mocked me with every sound and movement. I blinked the tears down my cheeks, hazing my vision against the view, my body shook from the cold and fear and my head raced with the events that led me to that moment.

I imagined what it would be like once Hana found out I had jumped. Would she cry like a normal Mother would do? Or would she seek solace in the abusive and disgusting arms of Toru? That man was the reason I wanted death, he was the one that destroyed my Mother's mind. Since birth he had been there with Hana, filling her with drugs and alcohol, setting me aside in the corner without food or a bed to rest my head. Maybe if Hana had been sober for a day in my life she would have seen it, maybe she would have cared about her daughter. But she had made it painfully clear since the first and last day I called her 'Mommy', that she didn't want me. She didn't want a child, and now for 17 years, I had been nothing but a problem to her.

I so wished I had never been born, I wished it each and everyday.

Sometimes I prayed that the next time Toru got mad and violent he would strike me down dead. The things I had seen and been exposed to in that house, for as long I had been conscious, were things that no one should see. And now imprinted on my mind, were scars of abuse and terror. And I wanted them to go away.

I'd never even spent a full year in one school. I was always either kicked out for inappropriate behaviour, or poor attendance, or pulled out by Hana repeatedly. My education was lacking at my age, and with no qualifications or grades to show for myself – I wasn't going to have the future I desired. I would never get a good job, or a wealthy career. I would never have enough success or money to move out and buy my own home. This was it for me. What I knew now, all I had now, was all I would have for the rest of my life. This was literally it. I was nothing but a punching bag and a form of sick entertainment. I was an object, not a child.

I took a hesitant step forward, leaning across the barriers until my wrists were strained by the weight of my body. As violent and ominious as the waves appeared, I saw nothing but comfort and freedom. I smiled to myself sadly, letting more tears trickle down my face and drop down to mix with the rushing river beneath me. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

This really was my only choice. I couldn't go back to the apartment, I had no money to run away, and I had nowhere to go. And I knew that if I did give in and walk the distance back to the apartment door – Youta, Toru and his friends would be waiting for me. And I could only imagine the horror that would await me. I was lucky to have been able to escape. So I couldn't go back.

_Where I'm going. No one can hurt me anymore. _

"Hey wait!" a voice bellowed out of the darkness behind me, interrupting my thoughts. I whipped my head towards the outburst, to see a man in a police uniform flee from his cruiser towards me. He was alone with his hands in the air – signalling 'stop'.

"Don't come any closer" I shouted, "Please, just stay right there"

"Okay, okay" he replied, hands still in the air, "Just...just take a step over the barrier, come talk to me over here..."

"Just get back in your car and forget about this"

"I can't do that Miss, please just come here" he took a step in my direction and I flinched.

"No" I snapped, "Get away from me"

"Look, whatever the reason is that you're doing this, you're young, and you're strong enough to get through this-"

"I'm going to stop you right there" I interrupted, "You have no idea what's going on here. You think you know, but you don't. You don't understand that this is the only way I _can be _strong_. _I have no other fucking choice. This is it for me" I was outraged by his appearance, I felt even more sick. How dare he try and rob this from me.

"There is always another way" the officer called over the sound of the rainfall, "I'm a police officer, whatever you're going through, I can get you help. We can get you through this. I don't think you want to die, I think you just want whatever you're going through to end. I can help you do that"

"You don't have a clue what you're talking about. I'm beyond saving" No one could help me. It was too late now, "If I can be helped, then why did it take so long? It's too fucking late now, what's done is done and now I'm living with it. And I don't want to live with it anymore. Where were you 17 fucking years ago when I needed help then?!"

"No one is beyond saving, and It's never too late. How old are you? 17?"

I nodded.

"I have a daughter your age" the officer breathed, "And there's nothing I wouldn't do to help her. I can help you..."

I blinked, letting the silence fall as heavy as the waves that crashed in my ears, "What's your name?" I croaked.

"Hachiro" he replied.

"Mr Hachiro..." I breathed. I stared at him for a few intense and silent moments, "No one can help me. I promise you that" It only took a second, my fingers unhooked from the bar behind me and the wind gathered me up in it's arms. I closed my eyes as the rain tickled my face and the cold in the air rippled my clothing. I expected the decent to be weightless, to be like floating downwards before striking the water. But in a rush of only a few moments, I stumbled from the pilar where my feet housed me and slipped downwards. My falling was halted suddenly, as a hand came out and grasped my upperarm, holding me swinging over the side of the bridge.

"Let me go!" I cried, angered by the officer's intervention, "This isn't your decision! Don't fucking take this away from me!" Angry tears where streaming down my face, my chest was heaving with painful sobs.

The man ignored me and reached down to grab onto me more firmly. It wasn't long until he had pulled and thrown me back over the right side of the bridge and onto the road. He dragged me far away from the railings, brushing off my counterfight as I lashed and kicked out to get him to let go of me. He didn't release me until I was shut and locked into the back of the police cruiser. I slammed my hands against the windows, pulling on the handle, screaming profanities and insults at the man who stole away my only chance of freedom.

"Don't fucking do this! You have no idea what you've taken from me!" I choked in panic, my breathing came in hopeless gasps.

_I should be dead. I should be dead. I should be dead._

After a few minutes of nothing but my cries, I released a pathetic whimper, "Wherever you're heading. Please. Don't take me home"

* * *

_2 hours earlier..._

I blinked rapidly, trying to stay awake. Around me, sounds of shouting and glasses breaking stung my ears.

Don't fall asleep Haruhi.

My voice chanted in my head.

I must have been awake going on 52 hours at this point. I didn't dare close my eyes. I couldn't. I had to be conscious, I had to see what was happening around me. I cowered in the corner of the room. Watching the eyes that stared at me.

I had been sat in the living room for the last 8 hours, with my back pressed against the wall as closely as possible. I watched and listened to the argument that emanated from Hana's bedroom. Her boyfriend and his friends were there again for another alcohol and drug fuelled party. I didn't like them. I liked to think that Hana didn't either, but I was pretty sure the drink clouded that little judgement she had. I quivered, shaking in my dirty unwashed clothes as I stared at each of Toru's friends, they all stared back with sickening smirks on their faces. I pressed my knees closely to my chest, hiding my face behind my long tangled hair.

"Where's my girl?!" I had heard Toru's voice bellow through the apartment. The sound was so fearfully loud that the apartment doors shook. I buried my face into my knees and covered my ears. Toru liked taking his drink induced anger out on people weaker than him. He had been around for a few years now, and I was no stranger to the back of his hand. And although Hana didn't like being looked at like a mother, Toru loved the idea of being seen as my step-father, and he revelled in the power and punishments that came with the title. "Haruhi! Get here now!" He stumbled into the open doorway of their bedroom, bracing himself with one hand on the frame.

"Oh come on baby" Hana's voice was pleading and slightly sultry, "Let's just go back into the living room, have another drink, then we can continue what we all started..."

I could feel the bile rising in my throat at the implication of her request.

"Shut the fuck up!" Toru yelled in reply. He looked back at me, his eyes were red and blood shot, and darted around in paranoia. And the drunken stare he gave made me shake and retreat further against the wall.

"Baby, leave her alone, she's in a bad mood anyway" Hana's voice got closer and her form appeared at Toru's side. Her face was slightly flushed and her eyelids were heavy and now framed by fresh bruises. She was so out of it she probably didn't even realise that she had been hit. Her body shook with unstableness, her legs juddering as she struggled to hold herself upright. Hana once had a very beautiful face, but after years of smoking, drinking and other questionable habits, her skin had become dull and greying, dark circles ringed her eyes, and after the repetition of hair-dyeing over the years, her hair was now a straw-like bleached blonde mess of tangles and dead ends. She tried to salvage her youth with make up, but it always looked slapped on and heavyweight. We looked nothing alike. Not like most mothers and daughters did.

Toru stumbled towards me, before finally collapsing to his knees beside me. I turned my head away and looked at the wall. He stank of beer, smoke and vomit. With a chuckle I heard him reach into his jacket pocket, I glanced to my left, seeing him pull a pack of cigarettes out. He placed one between his lips and lit it. The smoke floated into my face as he inhaled and exhaled, laughing at my reaction.

"How old are you now Haruhi?" He asked. I didn't answer, "17 is it? You're a young woman now, no use in you hiding away in the corner when you can join the party"

I swallowed back the vomit that rose in my throat, "No...thank you" I croaked. My voice was dry and ragged, I couldn't remember the last time I had had something to drink. I was so thirsty.

"Don't be ungrateful" he spoke darkly, his words slurring. He thrust the cigarette in my face, forcing it between my lips. I coughed and spluttered as the smoke invaded my mouth. I spat the cigarette away, sending it down onto the floor. The second it hit the ground I held my breath. Toru raised his hand and struck me fiercely across the face, the force of it caused me to whip my head to the side and hit against the wall. I could hear ringing in my ears mixing with the laughter that came from Toru's friends. "I would have thought you would have better manners than that" Toru grumbled.

I cupped my cheek, wincing at the stinging sensation that burned through my face. Hana only laughed, picking up another bottle of beer to swig back with a drunken smile.

"Leave me alone" I murmured, looking away. I clambered to my feet and tried to step past Toru, but as I lifted my leg, his big grubby hand latched around my ankle. I tripped and landed in a painful heap on the floor. I groaned as the wind was knocked out of my chest.

The other men laughed again.

"She's such a pretty little thing, maybe she should join us" one of them said.

"I'm going out" I choked, scrambling back upright. My knee hurt from where I landed, and a limp replaced my normal walk. I strained to make my way to the apartment door, but the man appeared in front of me, he thrust a beer to me.

"Have a drink, don't be rude"

"I don't want one"

"Just let her leave, she's in the way anyway" Hana grumbled, perching herself down on the arm of the couch.

The man ignored her and reached out to wrap his arm around my waist, he pulled me against him. His breath stank and made me gag. I turned my head away and looked at the front door, bracing my hands on his chest to push him away.

"Have a drink" he repeated.

"No thanks" I replied.

"He wasn't asking you, he was telling you" Toru spat. The man then pressed the rim of the bottle to my lips and poured the bitter tasting liquid into my mouth. I coughed, choking on it, but he wouldn't let me spit it out. Beer dribbled out of the sides of my mouth as he continued to pour. Eventually I had no choice but to swallow. He didn't pull the bottle away until I had drained the entire contents of it.

One of the other men laughed loudly, "You gave her the strong stuff. She'll be feeling that in the morning"

I squirmed in the man's grip, I didn't remember his name, I think it was Youta or something. He just held me tighter as the laughter around the room increased.

"Let go of me!" I snapped, shoving his chest. He chuckled darkly and released his hold on me. I tried to leap past him to the door but I felt his arms once more, closing in on me from behind, one hand pulling the material of my shirt so I couldn't pull away. I shrieked as he hugged me against him, his breath tickled my ear and the heat of his body made me shake with fear. But the more I resisted, the stronger his grip became, and the more insistent his hands became.

This wasn't the first time this had happened to me. I'd met this man before. And each time he saw me, he liked to grab me and play close attention to me. His efforts were encouraged by Toru's violence and Hana's carelessness. He saw nothing wrong with what he was doing. I squeezed my eyes shut as I felt his lips trail along my neck and his hand glide down the front of my chest. Hana wasn't watching and was busying herself with Toru once more.

"Let's take this somewhere more private" Youta murmured in my ear. One of his hands guided down roughly towards the waistband of my jeans, his fingers dug bellow, trying to reach and scratch against bare skin.

I froze and shuddered, he'd never gone as far as that before. I felt sick feeling his hands touching me. And by the intensity of his touches, I could tell that he fully intended on going through with whatever he desired. It took a while to find my voice, and as his hands made their way to the hem of my shirt, I managed to spit out, "Fuck you" and bent my elbow and drove it against his ribs. He flinched and howled out.

And the second that followed, I felt nothing but regret.

The hands that explored me moved, and a heavy punch was thrown into my side. I gasped as he spun me around by the throat. Another slap was struck against my cheek, then another, and another. I flopped down onto the floor, groaning as my vision was clouded by stars. Just as I was about to catch my breath a booted kick was pounded into my stomach. I rolled onto my side and recoiled, sniffing back the tears in my eyes.

"You fucking bitch" he snapped at me.

I stared up at him, my heart was pounding in fear. No one else in the room was watching, because no one else cared. I rolled over and stumbled to my feet, as Youta lunged for me. I moved as quickly as I could manage and made it to the front door, I pulled it open and fled down the corridor, blocking out the shouting that followed me.

"I'll still be here when you get back. You've got nowhere else to go" Youta bellowed after me, "I'll be waiting to teach you a lesson"

"I'm not coming back!" I shouted over my shoulder.

_I'm never coming back._

* * *

**A/N - This story is an idea I've had for a while and thought I would try my luck at publishing it here :P I understand that there are some very dark themes present in this, but this story is about character building and recovery. Something that I hope I can present tastefully and realistically, as some of these themes are things very close to me personally. **

**Again, if you are offended or disturbed by mentions of abuse and suicide, please do not read.**

**Please leave a review to let me know if you're interested in me continuing this story. I understand that with only one chapter it's hard to make a judgement. **

**\- Yuli xx**


	2. Chapter 2 - The Safe House

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**Let The Wind Blow**

**Chapter 2.**

_You're ashamed of what you've done, _  
_ Crying 'cause your father's wrong_  
_ Trying to be something new, _  
_ You'll feel that you had something to prove_

_\- Fire Fire, Flyleaf_

* * *

After everything I had seen my life, the drama that ensued from the police and courts following that dark night was more madness than I had ever witnessed.

On that night I was taken away by Officer Hachiro and was admitted into a temporary safe house, surrounded by other officers and detectives who questioned me and subdued me. At first I was reluctant and angry, my lips were sealed shut and my mind was reeling with hatred for these people who stole away my chance of freedom. I must have been under survaillence for hours, I could see the fear in their eyes, darting their gazes around to seek out anything I could injure myself with. They hid anything sharp or anything rope like from me, and made sure I wasn't left alone for even a second. I could see that Mr Hachiro just wanted answers as to why he found me where I was.

And they broke me down, convincing me that they could help, and all I had to do was tell them what was happening. But I didn't know where to begin. All I could say was "Don't take me back to that house" over and over, until they agreed to not call Hana or drive me straight back.

Eventually I spilled everything. I told them about Hana, and Toru, and I told them about the drugs and the alcohol and the abuse. I told them about the night that drove me to the bridge and pushed me to the decision I had made. I had a feeling they hadn't expected a response like that, and a part of me assumed that they didn't believe a word I had said. I didn't care though, as long as I didn't have to go back there, they could believe whatever the hell they wanted.

They took photos of my bruised, slapped face and the marks across my body to show in court as they didn't want me standing trial in the state I was in.

That night I stared at my face in the mirror. My hair was long and dark, and hung in unhealthy and filthy tangles around my pale face. My eyes were ringed with tired, dark circles and my left cheek was swollen was a purpling hand mark. My neck had bruises of finger marks and my arms were no different. I blinked stray tears down my cheeks. But I wasn't sure why I was crying, I'd looked far worse in the past.

The next few days flew past with a torrent of sleeplessness and panic. I was kept inside for most of it, with a woman named Tania keeping an eye on me 24/7. I wasn't even allowed to have a bath without someone checking up on me. During this time, police invaded Hana's apartment. Hana and Toru were arrested and taken away, and her custody of me was erradicated and I was essentially made property of the state. Mr Hachiro said he had never seen anything like it before, he was dumbfounded by the things I had been exposed to, and suddenly his tune changed around me.

I had no possessions, so it wasn't like I was given a bag of my things from the apartment to take on my way. In fact, it wasn't really made clear to me what was going to happen to me at all. Hana and Toru were gone, and with overwhelming evidence, their case was short and sweet. And 2 days after I was found on the bridge, they had been convicted for neglect and abuse. I was asked if I would like to see them before they were locked away, but my reply was a hysterical laugh. If I never saw those people again, it would be too soon.

"So what now?" I grumbled, looking down at my full plate of pot roast. I wasn't hungry, and it looked so unappetizing. Tania and Mr Hachiro were sat at the table beside me. The way they sat was so robotic, their professional demeanors made me feel ill, "What happens to me? Do I stay here?"

"No, the courts want to do a pycho-analysis on you before sending you to a half-way house"

"I'd rather not" I murmured.

"Haruhi" Mr Hachiro spoke softly, he rested a comforting hand on my back. I flinched under his touch and shrugged him away, "We're trying to help you, I know it seems hard now, but trust me, go for this psycho-analysis. And after that we can start with your recovery"

"There will be no recovery" I replied, "Recovery is something sick people go through, to get better to how they were before they got sick. I've always been this way. From birth. Any damage done can't be fixed, unless you want to wipe my brain and start with a clean slate. It's nothing but a waste of time"

"I know it seems that way now, but we can help you, you just need to let us" Tania gave a small smile.

I sniggered in disbelief, but didn't say anything more.

I was taken to see the psychotherapist the next day. He was an old guy with thinning grey hair and beady squinting eyes. I had no fight left in me so I just let everyone around me have their day of pride. Pretending that they'd gotten through to me or some shit. I found it difficult to allow anyone into my head, I didn't want them to invade me anymore than I already had been. For those days that followed the bridge, I felt like I was on borrowed time. In my world, I should have been dead, I shouldn't have been alive for these following days. Everything felt so surreal, like an unpleasant dream.

I was led into a white and modern looking office, it had the cliché sofa I was expected to lie on, and a glossy desk where Dr. Ando sat, watching my every movement, analysing me with each and every breath I took. I sat down on the couch and squinted my eyes at the bright sunlight that poured through the window. I wasn't used to such bright light, in Hana's apartment, all the windows had been boarded up years ago. Sometimes I could be sat in the darkness for weeks.

"How are you feeling today Haruhi?" Dr. Ando asked, crossing his hands on his desk.

"Fine" I lied.

"You look tired. Have you not been sleeping well?"

I raised any eyebrow, "What do you think?" I grumbled, "Can we just skim through this? I'm not exactly feeling too enthusiastic about all this shit"

Dr Ando blinked and cleared his throat, "Well, firstly, I want to get to know you a little better. Before we get into the deep stuff, are you comfortable to just talk to me? Tell me a bit about yourself?"

I shrugged, "If it'll make this session pass by quicker, we can talk about spoons for all I care"

He chuckled a little. I just stared at the wall behind him.

"Okay, well, we'll start with the basics then. How are you actually feeling today? What mood are you expereicing?"

I blinked, "Nothing?" I replied.

"You feel nothing? That's interesting. Do you know why you're feeling that way?"

I chuckled darkly, "I have no idea, I've been having an awesome time recently. I'm on top of the world"

He tilted his head to the side, and gave a conflicted look, "Do you frequently find yourself diverting conversations this way? Does sarcasm and humour make you feel more in control?" he asked, "Do you think this way in order to make youself feel more than just 'nothing'?"

"Doctor, it is what it is. Whether I leap around in laughter or wallow in sadness. I feel what I feel"

"You're a very intuitive girl aren't you?"

"If you say so"

"I feel you're putting up a lot of barriers. Can you agree with that?"

I shrugged, "I suppose"

"Are you afraid of letting people get close?"

"That's a stupid question" I folded my arms.

"How so?"

"The one person in the world who was meant to be close to me is my mother. And ironically that woman was the one person who destroyed me. If I can't let my mother get close than who can I?"

"Interesting" the doctor muttered to himself, "Do you feel like you're able to allow people close? What do you fear will happen if you do?"

"Nothing" I replied, "I don't expect anything to happen, I don't even care if I'm hurt. I'm far past that now. I just don't care enough to share. I don't need to"

"Do you feel you don't need to because of these suicidal feelings you've been having?"

"I guess" I murmured, "I'm not going to be around long enough to experience any repercussions"

"Do you still think about killing yourself? Even after your mother and step-father were arrested?"

I nodded, "Whether they're behind bars, dead or in that apartment, the damage is already done"

"That doesn't mean you can't be helped"

"But what if I don't want help?"

"Everybody wants help. Our natural human instinct is to strive and survive"

"Maybe I missed that gene"

"When you look in the mirror and see that marks that have been inflicted on you...how does it make you feel?"

I didn't reply to that. I just shrugged and looked away.

Dr Ando didn't seem too shocked or disturbed by my responses. In fact, he showed no emotion other than pure interest. It confused me as he asked more questions and wrote down sentence after sentence on his clipboard. The longer we spoke for, the more tired I became. He asked about how I felt about the future, what urges I had, what I thought when I was alone, what I thought of other people etc. Every answer came back brief and sarcastic, but they had some truth behind them. The more the time dragged on, the lower my eyes became and the more uncomfortable I felt. I didn't like how invasive this was. He saw it as a normal conversation, but I saw it as an interigation. And it made me feel sick. I probably wasn't doing much to assist his analysis, as I refused to answer him seriously. He probably wanted me to cry or something, but I had no tears left, nor the willpower to let my feelings erupt.

"After this session. What do you feel?" he asked as the hour came to an end.

I glanced up at him, and blinked slowly, "Nothing" I repeated, "Absolutely nothing"

* * *

I didn't feel like talking for the rest of the day. Tania kept an eye on me as I wandered aimlessly through the safe house. I think she understood that I wasn't in much of a talkative mood as she left me to stare at the bedroom wall for 4 hours without a word. She of course wouldn't let me stay alone in a room for any extended amount of time, and came in to see me every half an hour to make sure I hadn't offed myself.

The bedroom I had was alien to me. In the apartment with Hana and Toru, I didn't have much of a bedroom. The apartment only had one bedroom, and that was reserved for them. Toru fashioned me a sleeping bag on the floor of their walk-in wardrobe when he moved in, the wardrobe had slatted sliding doors. So I had no privacy and I never felt safe. I could see everything they got up to in that bedroom so I spent most of my time burying my head under my pillow. The bedroom in the safe house was...clean. I had an actual bed, with a mattress, and covers. I had a door, and windows, it was...pleasant. I couldn't remember the last time I had slept in a bed, it was weird to me. And every night I had been there, I had found myself sleeping on the floor. It was all I was used to. A bed just seemed so...foreign to me.

Once evening came, Tania made us some stir-fry for dinner. Again, I wasn't hungry, and I could see she was starting to panic about my lack of appetite.

"You need to eat something Haruhi" she said softly.

"I'm not hungry"

"You said that this morning, and yesterday, and the day before"

I shrugged, I didn't have an answer.

"I know this is difficult" she breathed, "I can only imagine the throughts that are going through your head right now, but by not eating you're only going to feel worse"

"I know. I'm just not hungry"

She sighed, "If you don't eat, you'll become unwell. If you become unwell I'll have no choice but to take you into hospital, they'll have to force feed you"

I paused, feeling the anger bubbling in my stomach, I gared at her intensely, causing her to snuffle anxiously in her seat. Seeing her statement as nothing more than a threat, I stabbed my fork into a piece of brocolli and stuffed it in my mouth.

"There" I snapped, and threw my plate away, "I'm tired, I'm going to bed"

"Haruhi-"

"Leave me alone" I blurted, and ran up the stairs, slamming to door to the bedroom.

I slept on the floor again that night, tossing and turning as nightmares invaded my senses. I murmured and whimpered, gasping myself awake every hour. Eventually I gave up on sleep and got up to wander around. Only to find that Tania had locked me in my room. She probably didn't want me running away or something.

I spent the rest of the night staring at the ceiling, thinking about what Dr Ando had been saying to me that day. He was right, I did put up a lot of barriers, but was there really much of an issue with that? I mean, everyone has to look out for themselves. And I didn't know any of these people, why should I open up? They got what they wanted. They stopped me from jumping off the bridge, they arrested Hana and Toru. Why the hell were they keeping me here with no answers? No plan? I felt like I had just moved from one prison to another. I was being locked in my room for fuck's sake. Was their plan to bore me to death? It were as if they saw this whole situation as some community service, they must have felt like heroes keeping me here. Like they'd saved me.

I didn't feel saved.

I was happy that I wasn't in that apartment anymore, and I wasn't in harms way. But I felt so lost now. Like nothing mattered. I felt like I was rotting from the inside out, and that confused and frustrated me. Who knew living would be so painful...

Officer Hachiro arrived the next morning. I was awake to hear the click on my door being unlocked around 7am, and immeidiately I was up and in the communal area. Tania gave me the once over to check for injury marks as usual and asked me the morning question of - "How are you feeling?"

_Well Tania, honestly, not too great._

"I'm fine" I replied for the 5th day in a row.

"Haruhi, I have news for you" Mr Hachiro said, sitting down beside me in the living area. I looked at him, listening intently, "Dr Ando released your psycho-analysis record to the courts"

I nodded, "So what now? I'll be moved to the half-way house? Orphanage?"

"Not exactly" Mr Hachiro replied, "Due to the nature of your situation, the judge has settled on a different course of action. Rather than sending you to an orphanage or a foster home, you are being admitted into the Ouran Institute, where there will be more resources catered to your needs"

"Ouran Institute?" I gave a confused look, "You're sending me to an asylum?"

"It's not an asylum, it's a home much like an orphanage that helps young people who need a little extra help"

"It's an insane asylum. I'm being sent to a mental hospital" I gave a blank look. There's that anger again. "I don't understand this. I've basically been robbed of my rights, passed around from therapist to therapist, locked in a house with strangers, and now I'm being carted off to a mental institute. What part of this is meant to be helping me or giving me a better life?"

"You need to allow people to help Haruhi, otherwise it'll be for nothing"

"This is hopeless" I snapped, rising to my feet, "I don't need an asylum"

"You need professional help. You've been through trauma and you need assistance"

"What if I don't want to go to this Ouran Institute?" I chewed my lip angrily.

"Haruhi...you don't really have a choice. You're still a minor, and you don't have a guardian. This decision has been made by many judges based on your medical notes and situation. This is the best option for you, and it'll be easier if you agree rather than fight it"

"Or what? You'll drag me in kicking and screaming?"

Mr Hachiro nodded his head, "The way you react to this will determine how you are admitted into the institute. If you are cooperative and willing, you will be given free rein and you will be more comfortable, if you resist and fight everyone away – you will be sectioned and kept on 24 hour survaillence. It will be intense and far less enjoyable"

I scoffed, "Enjoyable?"

"I understand your reluctance"

"Understand?! You don't understand at all" I snapped, "Why couldn't you have just left me on that fucking bridge?! How is this any better than the life I had before?"

"You're getting help this way"

"You make it sound so easy"

"It's not easy, but we just want to help you. It's hard and it's unpleasant, but it'll be worth it in the end. I assure you"

I closed my eyes and buried my head in my hands, I took a few long, heaving and angry breaths before murmuring, "Is there any other choice? Another other than the mental asylum?"

"The decision has been made final, this really is the best option for you"

"I want to make my own decision here" I blurted, "I'm old enough to dictate my own life"

"Maybe so, but you're in no state to be making any choices. You need guidance"

I sighed and let out an anguished groan into my hands. I could feel my body shaking with anger and fear. How dare they make these choices on my behalf.

"So what now? Some men in white coats with nets are going to show up and throw me into a white van?"

"No Haruhi, we'll take you over there tomorrow. You'll be shown around, introduced to your assigned doctor and be admitted from there"

"Don't I get a say in this at all?"

"Trust me. Give this a chance, in a few months you'll be happy you were sent there in the first place"

"I doubt that very much" I hissed.

* * *

**A/N - Planning on getting a few chapters out today, just to get the story going, also I haven't got anything else to do :P**

**Please Review/Favourite/Follow if you're enjoying it so far :D**

**\- Yuli xx**


	3. Chapter 3 - The Institute

**.**

**Let The Wind Blow**

**Chapter 3.**

_It burns into your heart_  
_ the darkness that you fear._  
_ You were never free_  
_ and you never realise_  
_ And love, is a word you've never heard._  
_ Your heart aint cold cause it burns_  
_ the desire to leave the mind._

_\- And We Run, Within Temptation_

* * *

At 10am, Friday morning - we pulled up outside Ouran Institute. It was a bright, hot and sunny day, and the light hurt my eyes as we drove the hour journey to the front gates. I stared up at the building through the car window. The institute was huge and old, like a big manor house or boarding school constructed from red brick. The windows were latticed and white and the courtyard was paved with even hedgerows and statues. It looked like something out of Jane Eyre...

"What do you think?" Mr Hachiro asked, killing the car engine.

"I guess it's not as bad I thought it would be..." I murmured, climbing out of the police car, "Still looks like a prison though..."

"It's not that bad" Mr Hachiro replied, "Mr Suoh, the institute's chairman wants to meet you before you take a look around"

"Okay" I sighed, staring up at the institute. The more I looked, the more people I could see through the windows, staring out at me. It was unnerving to say the least. I was being watched like an animal in a cage. Sort of ironic when you remember that these kids watching me were all patients and essentially prisoners in this mental asylum. Maybe they were checking out the new inmate.

"Are you okay?" Mr Hachiro asked.

I shrugged, not looking away from the people who watched me, "Sure" I mumbled.

Mr Hachiro began leading me towards the archway door, like entering the gates of hell. I tightened my ponytail and shuddered a little as the sound of shouting and crying met my ears in the doorway. When we walked into the lobby, all that could be seen were groups of younger teenagers huddled together in what looked like some kind of playground gossip groups. They noticed me as I wandered in behind Mr Hachiro, clearly they were alarmed by his police uniform and instantly began pointing at us like we were aliens or something.

I glared back at them as we approached the first hallway of the lobby. We came to an office door, the name 'Mr Yuzuru Suoh – Chairman' written on an arrogant gold plaque.

"Do I have to stay here?" I asked, as Mr Hachiro knocked on Mr Suoh's door.

"Let's take it one step at a time" he replied.

I exhaled and fiddled with the sleeves of my grey cardigan and looked down at the floor. I heard the click of the door open and a breeze ruffled my hair in wisps around my face. The pleasant scent of lavender and lilacs met my nose, tempting me to glance up. My eyes settled on a tall man with mousey brown hair, he had such an authoritive and defined face that I was instantly scared into submission. I straightened up and stared at him, noticing the fit of his expensive tailored suit and the fine lines in his wise face. I gulped nervously.

"Mr Hachiro I assume" Mr Suoh smiled, breaking through the initial strict judgement I had made.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Mr Suoh" Mr Hachiro replied shaking his hand.

"And this must be Miss Fujioka?"

"Ha-Haruhi" I corrected. He smiled again and reached his hand out to me to shake. I stared at it for far too long without moving, and eventually he retracted his offering. I felt a pang of guilt at first, but it vanished when I noticed his smile hadn't faltered.

"How are you feeling this morning Haruhi?" he asked kindly.

_Ah, my favourite question..._

I shrugged, "Fine" I mumbled clearing my throat.

"She's a little hesitant..." Mr Hachiro spoke up.

_You don't need to make excuses for me._

"That's completely fine. In this place you see it all. Hesitance is gladly welcomed" Mr Suoh defended. I blinked, confused by him. "Shall we?" he stepped aside and gestured us into his office. Mr Hachiro entered first as usual, leaving me stood there staring uncomfortably at this doorway. "You have nothing to be scared of my dear"

I didn't reply. I just crossed my arms and slowly followed Mr Hachiro inside.

"Right well, we may as well get the formalities and introductions in order first before we show you around. Once the technicalities have been explained we can get you settled into your new room, maybe introduce you to your dormmates" Mr Suoh began to explain, settling himself behind his desk.

Mr Hachiro and I sat in front of him. He looked far more confident than me, for some reason I was feeling anxious and angry, my body shook with agitation as I began biting my nails for relief.

"I understand your situation Haruhi, and why you've been admitted here, as do the other members of staff here. We've arranged everything you need, including tutors for you schooling and a doctor who is trained and educated with helping with situations similar to yours. I must admit we have very few cases here that are like yours, mostly the residents here suffer from depression, maybe anger problems, personality disorders, but rarely do we have residents admitted for a number of issues that stem from such an abusive past, especially from birth"

"Great. So I've been diagnosed as 'fucked up' then?" I grumbled.

"You haven't been diagnosed yet, but with the therapist we're assigning you, they will be able to define and help you with what you are feeling. I also understand you're suffering from suicidal tendencies, something that will require some special arrangements when it comes to check ups and your room"

"You going to hide my shoelaces and belts or something?"

Mr Suoh smirked in amusement, but ignored my sarcastic comment. I assumed that meant _'yes'._

"You will be housed in the Amber wing on the west side of the building in the 17 – 20 section of the institute, and you are scheduled to meet with Dr Kato everyday at 1pm apart from weekends. Apart from tomorrow where Dr Kato will be meeting you in the morning to see how you're settling in and arrange your daily medication with you. This afternoon you will also be assigned a 'buddy', who will keep an eye on you as you keep an eye on them. It's sort of like an ice breaker to get to know people, it's very healthy to have friends here and we encourage that relentlessly"

I scoffed at the mention of the 'buddy' system. This whole thing seemed so ridiculous.

"Do you have any questions Haruhi?" Mr Suoh asked, noticing my utterance of disbelief.

"Yes actually" I furrowed my eyebrows, "Is this place like a prison, or am I allowed free rein here?"

"You mean are you locked up?"

I nodded.

"Well...you can't leave the grounds without permission or an escort, and you can't leave permanently without being discharged medically. This place is essentially a hospital after all, and it would be reckless to let our residents run free. But you're allowed out of your room to walk anywhere in the institute, you're allowed in the gym, the swimming pool, the classrooms, the gardens, you aren't penned up or locked away in here. You're allowed anywhere you like, minus the staff's offices and the Red wing which is locked from other residents"

"Why? What's in the Red wing?"

"That's where a lot of our more severe patients are assisted. They are a danger to themselves and others to a point of extremities. They require a lot of assistance"

"If you say I'm a danger to myself, then why aren't I in the Red wing?"

"Good question" Mr Suoh leaned back in his chair, "You will go through an induction period where your behaviour is monitored. But to be admitted to the Red wing, you'd have to be showing some very extreme behaviour. In the Red wing, you're not allowed any free roam. So you don't want to end up in there, do you?"

I smirked, "No sir-ee"

"The way this institute is separated and arranged, is according to age and the severity of the patient's disorders. The age groups are separated from 11-13, 14-16, and 17-20, and the individual disorders are arranged as Green, Amber and Red. Green being small things like minor behavioural issues, usually these patients are only temporary and undergo things like counselling and CBT for small issues. Amber are for the more extreme, this is the category most of our patients are put into, these disorders can range from something like anxiety up to things like split personality disorders and depression. Red is where our more unstable residents reside, those who can't mix well with others and need special attention" He started riffling through some papers on his desk, before finally handing me what looked like blueprints to a bank vault. The map was so extensive.

"Yikes" I murmured. This place was bigger than I thought.

"The west wing where you will be living is in the building to the left for Ambers. The first floor is for 11-13s, second floor is for 14-16s, and the top floor is your floor for the 17-20s. The building we are currently in is for Greens, and the building to the right is Red. The door is locked so that area is out of bounds. Everywhere else you are free to walk around. Each building has their own communal cafeteria areas, recreation rooms and isolation zones"

"Isolation zones?" I questioned.

"We have a zero tolerance on violence here at Ouran, sometimes we have a few outbursts from residents and need to subdue them in the isolation room for a few hours. We can't have people getting hurt here"

My eyes flickered to Mr Hachiro who was already looking at me.

"Well, what do you think Haruhi?" he asked me.

I shrugged, "I'm not entirely sure yet"

"I assure you Haruhi, you will be happy here. We have had so many residents come to use hesitant and reluctant, from all kinds of backgrounds and once they get settled they notice changes within themselves almost instantly"

"So, will I be admitted immediately?" I asked.

Mr Suoh nodded, "The sooner the better. You need the begin your recovery as soon as possible"

"And...did you say I'd be getting lessons here?"

"Education is very important. I understand you haven't been through an awful lot of the schooling system?"

I shook my head.

"Well, you've been assigned a tutor, so teaching will start as soon as you are deemed ready by Dr Kato"

I had to admit. Hearing I would be receiving some form of education made me a little happy. I always loved to learn, I had missed going to school.

Mr Suoh continued to fill us in with more information about the institute and gave me some books and papers I would need for schooling and settling in. Eventually he led us out of the office and out towards the courtyard. Mr Hachiro said his goodbyes to me at this time, as clearly I no longer needed his assistance. He told me he would return in a week to see how I was doing. I grumbled my goodbye under my breath and followed Mr Suoh out into the sun.

Due to the bright weather, the gardens were filled with kids running around and sitting in circles talking. Mostly younger residents, "On the weekends everyone is free to roam around, with no lessons or counselling sessions the days are free for residents to do whatever" Again, I noticed the looks I was receiving. I ignored them and kept my eyes planted firmly on Mr Suoh's back.

We walked over to the Amber building, and I prepared myself for the insane patients I had been expecting. This was technically an asylum after all. But unlike the Green building, there was no sound when entering the lobby. In the Green building there had been childish cheering and plenty of kids running around. But here, all the residents looked so...dull. No one was speaking, and even the younger ones looked so drained.

"You'll find that as the disorders grow in severity from Green up to Red, the residents become more and more private and reserved. The Green residents are mostly younger ones, there are less and less young residents the higher the severity grows. So you won't see an awful lot of larking around anywhere other than the Green wing" Mr Suoh explained.

"I guess that makes sense" I muttered in reply.

"During the week the residents are expected to wear a sort of uniform if you will"

"Uniform?" I questioned.

"Nothing formal, it's more like colour coordinated scrubs"

"I'm not going to be expected to wear bright orange scrubs am I?"

"No, not orange. The colours coordinate for age ranges rather than the green/amber/red system. We have set timetables for each age group during the week which corresponds to lessons times and lunch breaks. That way it's easier to tell who is breaking curfew or skipping classes. To differentiate the colour system you're expected to wear a coloured wristband. It just makes handling conversation from staff easier and more appropriate to your needs"

"This all sounds unnecessarily complex" I murmured. Mr Suoh led us through the empty lobby and down the left corridor.

"We have near 1500 residents here, some organisation is required to keep track of so many people. If you look at the other residents here you will notice their wristbands. You will be required to wear one everyday"

"What if I don't want to?"

Mr Suoh glanced at me with a questioning look, "No one wants to wear them, but its a requirement put in place for your best interests"

"What if I don't wear it?"

"You're an awfully curious young lady aren't you?"

"Is that a problem?"

"Not particularly, it shows a lot of your character"

"I wasn't aware I had much of a character"

"Then perhaps being here will help you realise it"

I huffed a little and looked around as we walked. We passed a corridor that was labelled _'Dorms 11-13'. _There were a few younger children talking outside their rooms and sitting amongst a small library and communal alcove. They were laughing but speaking quietly to one another. They seemed so mature for children so young.

"On the weekends we have visiting hours where family members will come and see their children, and meet with their doctors to see how they're coping"

I chuckled, "I guess that's one thing I don't have to worry about"

"Mr Hachiro I expect will be taking advantage of this opportunity to see how you are. We also have fostering opportunities in place where you can meet people who like to lend their support. On the weekends they may visit you if you form a connection through letters or emails"

"You make it sound like we're being sold"

"We have a lot of children here, some without guardians or parents. It's nice to offer fostering or adoption opportunities"

"Sounds like you've got a lot of arrangements in place, it's hardly homely is it?"

Mr Suoh chuckled a little, "You'll get used to it, I guarantee you'll settle in just fine and find it very homely"

"I suppose it's the nicest place I've lived in so far" I spoke under my breath.

Mr Suoh showed me the cafeteria, it was the most crowded place I had seen so far. People stared at me as I walked in, and spoke up to Mr Suoh with so much enthusiasm. I came to realise that Mr Suoh was a greatly loved member of staff, it made me feel a little more comfortable knowing that everyone thought so fondly of him. I shuffled anxiously on my feet, wrapping my arms around myself in defence as I tried my best to ignore the curious looks I received. The room was mostly filled with residents closer to my age. A mixture of boys and girls, almost all of them looked exhausted.

Next, I was shown the recreation room. You could clearly see how well funded this institute was due to all the high-tech televisions and gaming consoles. I never had a TV, I couldn't even tell you what shows were popular at that time, I hadn't watched TV for many many years. And I don't think I'd ever even seen a games console before.

All the rooms and corridors were so coordinated with burgundy wood panelling, everything reeked of expense. I'd never seen so much beauty in something as simple as a wall before. I was expecting the institute to look white and clinical like a hospital, but actually it looked more like an academy for upper class residents. I felt so out of place being there. These kids had probably been raised in regular homes and were relatively spoiled with their activities and possessions. I don't even think I'd owned more than 2 pairs of socks at one time. I felt like the living embodiment of poverty in comparison.

The longer we walked, the more uncomfortable I felt. I felt like everyone was looking at me and judging me with every step I took. I could feel the anger bubbling in my stomach and my heart was beating relentlessly and almost painfully in my chest. I felt so agoraphobic being in such a big building on such a large patch of land. I hated it so much I was practically shaking.

And it only got worse when I was introduced to members of the staff and my tutors, I could barely utter a word that wasn't cynical or harsh, but no one batted an eyelid at my introverted behaviour, which only made me feel even more awkward and angry. I didn't like the way they watched me, analysing me. I hated it.

"Are you feeling alright Haruhi?" Mr Suoh asked as we walked up to the top floor.

I bit my lip and didn't reply.

When we finally reached the top floor I found myself holding my breath. The whole top floor was open spaced with a maze of corridors to resident's dorm rooms. The wall panelling was the same as everywhere else in this terrifying place, and the walls were covered with expensive paintings and photographs. There was a library and sitting area to the left of the staircase where each seat was housed by older teenagers, smiling and talking with each other.

This would be my home from now on, so I had best get used to the surroundings. But somehow I found that difficult even just standing at the top of the stairway. Just looking at the other residents made my gut do flips. I felt sick standing there, with no feeling in my legs.

"This floor is fully aware of your arrival, we do our best to be sure you get a comfortable welcome from your neighbours since these residents will be the ones you will be seeing the most" Mr Suoh explained.

At the sound of his voice, the gathering of people looked over at us, silencing their chatter. I gulped as Mr Suoh grinned and started moving towards them.

"Good morning" Mr Suoh welcomed with a beaming grin, "Everyone, this is Haruhi Fujioka. The new resident I told you about" There were some false smiles and awkward looks thrown my way. I raised an eyebrow and sighed, not feeling confident enough to talk, "Haruhi, why don't you take a seat whilst I introduce you to everyone?"

I couldn't help but glare at him. I would have much rathered he showed me to my room. I needed to be alone more than anything in that moment. But regardless, I reluctantly sat down in the only spare seat I could find. I perched myself in-between a boy with floppy blonde hair and bright brown childish eyes that watched my every movement, and a tall slender boy with black hair and glasses. His look upon me was more judgemental than the other boy's gaze. It made me uncomfortable.

"Haruhi is a unique case and I'd like it if everyone could make her feel welcome here as she settles in" Mr Suoh smiled, "Haruhi, you remember what I explained about the 'buddy' system we have?"

"Yes" I replied.

"Your 'buddy' will basically show you around more thoroughly, keep you company and essentially gives you a friend to talk to and get to know. You're expected to look out for them, as they look out for you"

"Right" I mumbled in understanding.

Mr Suoh walked over to a pretty looking girl who sat in a single seat couch. She had a bright and energetic face and looked at me unblinking with a toothy grin, "Renge will be your 'buddy', hopefully you'll both get to know a bit about each other. She's essentially the 'representative' of the Amber 17-20s, so anyone with any problems tend to go to her"

"Your room is right next to mine so we'll be neighbours" Renge beamed. She was a very well groomed young woman. She had long dark blonde hair and rich hazel eyes, she didn't appear to be wearing any make up, but her complexion was flawless and her eyes were framed with such long and vibrant lashes. She was undeniably beautiful in her pale yellow summer dress and the pink ribbon in her hair.

"So...you're pretty much like my babysitter?" I questioned.

I think the forwardness of my question took her aback a little, "If that's how you want to look at it. I prefer to think of it like 'friends'"

I blinked. I'd never actually had a friend before, "O-Okay" I mumbled.

"Well then, I need to go and find my son, so I'll be leaving you to get acquainted with everyone. I don't want to keep things too controlled, this must be a very stressful day for you. Renge will show you your room and everything you need here in the dormitories. I'll be in my office if you need me, and Renge will show you to the emergency phone if needed"

_Don't you dare leave me with these strangers..._

I didn't say anything, I just followed him out of the room with wide concerned eyes. When he disappeared, I turned back to the group of people, who watched me with curious gazes. I cleared my throat and balled up the hem of my cardigan in fists.

"You needn't look so scared, we've all been in this same position as you at one time" Renge smiled sweetly, "It's always nerve-racking meeting new people, we understand"

"I'm not nervous" I lied, "It's just...weird"

"Soon you'll be used to it, it takes time but really - this place is great" The blonde haired boy spoke up beside me, I looked at him, keeping all hands and legs inside my little bubble, "I'm Mitsukuni Haninozuka, but everyone just calls me Honey" he grinned childishly at me.

"N-nice to meet you" I replied, there was something so...sugary about him. Perhaps that was why people called him 'Honey'. I had to admit, it suited him. He looked like an adorable little boy, surely he didn't belong up here in the 17-20's dormitories.

The longer I sat there, the more timid I felt. It were as if the walls were closing around me. I felt 2 foot tall. I had no cynical fight left in me now. I was just too tired.

"Beside you is Kyoya Ootori, ignore his glaring, he's a nice guy really" Honey giggled, gesturing to the boy who sat on the other side of me. Kyoya straightened his glasses on the bridge of his nose.

"I'm Takashi Morinozuka" a tall boy who sat beside Renge spoke up. He was athletically built and had a stern, expressionless face, "Just call me Mori"

"He's Honey's cousin" Renge smiled, "They came here together"

"Do they allow that? Or do you both have reasons to be here individually?" I asked. It seemed like a perfectly normal question.

"He's not here to take care of me, it just worked out this way. And thankfully so" Honey replied, still beaming.

"I didn't mean it like that..." I murmured.

"I know, it's okay" Honey reached an arm towards me and hooked it across my shoulders. I shuddered and froze under his touch. The only sound I could hear was the increase in the beating of my heart.

"Honey" Mori said in a cautious tone. They exchanged a knowing look before Honey pulled away with an apologetic look in his eyes. I felt a pang of guilt seeing that my reaction had caused some form of distress.

The remaining two residents stayed relatively silent, only uttering their names as Umehito Nekozawa and Reiko Kanakuzi, they were both dressed in black and kept their heads down under their unusual hooded cloaks.

"So...what's everyone in for?" I asked once the introductions passed, followed by awkward silence, "Is that something we're allowed to talk about?"

"We're allowed to talk about it, in fact it's encouraged, that way we can find it easier to share and help everyone. We see the institute as a big family, especially our floors, it's good to share" Renge explained, "Of course, if you're not comfortable, you don't have to say anything. That's for your designated therapist to handle"

"Here at the Amber wing, we all have our own issues, sometimes they can be paralysing. It's easier for you to share" Kyoya spoke for the first time.

"Kyoya is an egotist" Honey said.

"Egotism isn't a disorder" I raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"It's not, but it makes his people skills very compromised, it also means he has a very short temper"

"Anger problems?"

"Of sorts" Kyoya said.

"Don't get on his bad side and it won't affect you" Honey continued, "No one has won a fight with Kyoya...well, apart from Takashi and I. He used to spend most of his time here in isolation"

"Does that make you dangerous?" I asked, facing Kyoya.

He shrugged, "The medication I take keeps my enraged episodes at bay, and I'm not dangerous without reason" his voice was becoming less dull the more he spoke, "Honey is here for development issues"

"Development issues?"

"He has the mind of a child"

"Although he's smart, he has the intelligence levels of a regular 19 year old, but only since he came here. Before he arrived he had the complete mentality of a 5 year old" Renge explained.

"I'm not that bad" Honey pouted.

"It makes communication on the outside difficult, as well as maintaining a job etc." Renge continued, "Mori was always protective over him, he got into a lot of fights, to the point where he was seen as a danger. He was admitted here by the courts as he wasn't seen mentally fit enough to be convicted"

"What about you?" I asked.

Renge chuckled darkly, "Arson. I set fire to my ex-boyfriend's house"

My eyes widened, "Why?"

She shrugged, "I can't really remember. Everything went very black when it happened, I couldn't control my actions at the time. Being here has made me able to control my urges"

"Days without fire: 17" Honey giggled.

"Well, I'm not completely cured just yet"

"Was your ex-boyfriend okay?" I asked hesitantly.

"He was fine, no one was home when I did it" she replied, "Although it means that residents like me, Kyoya and Mori are here as a community order. We aren't allowed to leave the grounds, even with supervision"

"So...this is like prison to you?"

"No, it's far nicer than prison" Kyoya said.

I exhaled and looked over at the two silent residents dressed from head to toe in black, "What about you two?"

"They don't really talk" Renge replied on their behalf, "Nekozawa and Kanakuzi were admitted together after a failed joint suicide attempt. They haven't been here all that long so they're a little reserved. But they speak more than when we first met them, when they arrived they didn't say a word for almost 2 months"

"What about you Haruhi?" Honey asked, averting the attention onto me. Suddenly the air became very thick as each set of eyes rested on me.

"I'm not entirely sure" I mumbled, "Bad things happened, I guess the courts just had nowhere else to put me..."

"Well, it's always safe here. You never have to feel alone in a place like this. A lot of residents prefer the privacy of their own rooms but it's encouraged that you branch out and speak to people. You make your family here, and you'll be grateful for it" Renge spoke comfortingly.

I bit my lip and looked down at my feet. I wasn't really sure how to behave around these people. They seemed nice enough, but I had this feeling in my head of pure anger and frustration. It made me feel like my skin was crawling.

We spoke a little more, I mainly listened as I didn't trust my own voice. I had to admit, as reserved and cynical I was when I arrived, I could feel that slipping somewhat as I spent more time around others my age. There was this weird unspoken connection with them, and it made me feel less alien to everyone. They weren't patronising or overly invasive as Mr Hachiro, Tania and Mr Suoh had been. It was almost...comfortable. Something I'd never been exposed to much. I wasn't really sure how to act.

After a while, Renge led me to my room. It wasn't too far from the alcove of seats and apparently our rooms were all in the same area. She told me whose room was whose, mentioning that Mr Suoh's son was only across the hall from me. I asked about him but she explained that I would most likely meet everyone else at dinner and I could talk to him myself. Everyone here seemed very big on privacy, and I liked that. She wasn't going to talk about anyone without their knowledge.

My room was small, which made me happy. There was a single bed to the right, beside the door to the bathroom and shower room. There was a desk beside the bed and a wardrobe behind the main door.

"It looks bare but Mr Suoh encourages personalization. You can hang anything you want on the walls, colour ir however you'd like, anything you want to make it feel more homey" Renge smiled, "I understand you don't have a lot of possessions, so I filled your wardrobe with some clothes, I hope they're your size. And I put some books on your desk. If you like TV you can ask Mr Suoh to have one put into your room, same with a computer. But mostly people just head down to the library or the recreation room"

"Oh...thank you" I replied, taken aback by her generosity.

"On your bed there's your 'uniform' they're just grey scrubs really, not too attractive, but on colder days you can wear the grey zip up hoody and some sweat pants. The staff are lenient as long as you wear the 17-20 grey colours. And your amber wristband is on your desk. You need to have that on at all times and it needs to be clearly shown" Renge went into detail about the wristbands and the colour coordination. I nodded along, trying to follow everything she said, "As your 'buddy', I have to encourage you to be open with me, but if you choose not to that's completely fine. You've got the same therapist as I do, Dr Kato. He's really good if you let him, if you can't open up to anyone, I'd encourage you to open up to him" she offered me a sweet smile and turned to leave.

Before she could open the door I reached out and grabbed onto her sleeve. She looked at me with concern at first due to the force I gasped her arm. I released her as soon as I realised. "Sorry" I cleared my throat and looked down, "Uh...this place...the staff all understand what's wrong with me? Right?"

"Yes, it's a requirement for your needs"

"But...I don't even know what's wrong with me...how can they?"

Renge smiled sadly, "Unfortunately that's usually the case in places like this. Once you've been through therapy and start your CBT course, you'll slowly discover more about yourself. They don't know everything yet, but they understand why you're here in the first place. It's how they're able to keep an eye on you"

"Mr Suoh said something about check ups"

"Yes, the bane of my life" she laughed, "During the day you won't see the patrolling staff much, as most of the residents are in open spaces with lots of other people. It's at night when you'll see them. They will check on you every hour at first so you'll receive some restless nights from the start, but as they get to know your mindset a little better the check ups will become more spaced out. I only get reviewed once a night, but Nekozawa and Kanakuzi are checked almost constantly"

"Because they're suicidal?"

Renge nodded.

"Can't I just lock my door? I don't feel comfortable having people walking in and out"

"They have keys"

I sighed. I wondered if Renge knew about my mindset. She was my 'buddy' after all, she probably knew more than she was letting on.

"You know, things get better here" she said, "You just need to allow people to help you. If you feel any...dark urges, I'm only next door. I'm free to talk anytime you need, no matter what. This place has been a haven to a lot of us, but in order to get the best out of it, you need to be cooperative"

I blinked, staring at her questionably, "We'll see" I replied curtly.

Renge looked at me with an unreadable expression, her eye met mine with so much unsurity.

She left after a few more minutes of showing me around. Finally leaving me to be alone. I breathed a sigh of relief and sat down on the edge of my bed.

"So this is it" I whispered to myself, "What now?"

My question hung answerless in the room. Slowly, I lay back onto the mattress and stared up at the ceiling. I could hear people talking outside my room, but it was only a hum of voices. I sighed to myself and waited until my heavy eyes finally closed shut, and sleep overcame me.

* * *

**A/N - Hey everyone, I hope you're enjoying this so far :) I've writing at an unnaturally fast pace right now, so expect a lot of fast updates :P **

**Please remember to Review/Favourite/Follow and let me know what you think :)**

**-Yuli xxx**


	4. Chapter 4 - The Cafeteria

**.**

**Let The Wind Blow**

**Chapter 4.**

_He used to call me poison_  
_ Like I was poison ivy_  
_ I could have died right there_  
_ 'Cause he was right beside me_

_\- Ultraviolence, Lana Del Rey_

* * *

I shot upright on the bed with a gasp, as my eyes crept open at the sound of knocking on wood from across the room. At first I thought it was Toru playing sinisterly on the slats of the wardrobe door, but as the haziness cleared from my eyes, I finally remembered where I really was. I groaned and rubbed my face roughly, wiping away all traces of sleep and yawning myself awake.

The knocking on the dorm room door continued, followed by a loud, "Haru-chan!"

I slowly rose from where I sat and opened the door. Honey, Renge and Mori were stood in the doorway with beaming grins on their faces, "We thought we'd walk together to the cafeteria for dinner" Renge said.

"Cafeteria?" I yawned, "Oh...thanks but I'm not really hungry"

"Whether you're hungry or not, you still have to come to the cafeteria" Mori spoke in his dull, stern tone, "Otherwise the patrollers will come and get you"

"Seems like a strict rule" I grumbled quietly.

"You haven't got your band on" Honey pouted. He thrust his wrist in my face, showing me his amber coloured bracelet, "You need to wear it or you'll get in trouble"

"Do I need to wear the 'uniform'?" I sighed.

Renge shook her head with a smile, "Only during school times. We'll wait for you by the staircase"

I took a couple of minutes to wash my face and wake myself up a little. I slipped on the amber wristband and put some sneakers on. Renge, Honey, Mori and Kyoya were waiting for me where they said. I kept a few paces behind them as they descended the steps.

We walked the short trip down to the ground floor, I couldn't remember the route from my map so I let the others lead me towards the canteen. Before we had even entered the room, you could hear the chattering and laughing from the residents who sat inside at their tables in their friendship groups. I pinched the back of my hand nervously as we walked through the pristine and glamorous room. It was unlike any cafeteria I'd ever seen. The floor was tiled with black, glittering marble and the walls were painted in a modern and bright white. The kitchen area was hidden out of sight apart form the serving stations where chefs and servers in uniform laid out trays of beautifully prepared food. The rich scent hitting my nostrils made my stomach rumble for the first time in weeks.

The others already seemed to know where they were heading, as they walked through the room with such confidence in one direction in formation. The conversation around the room hushed as we made our way towards a half empty table at the right side of the room. A tall blonde boy sat there on his own, looking to us with a smile as we approached and sat down around him. I remained silent as the others became acquainted with one another. I didn't like being in such a large space filled with so many people, the chatter hurt my ears and I constantly felt like my skin was crawling.

Renge went to the food cart and kindly plated me up some dinner. I hadn't seen food anything like it before. I think Renge called it Beef Wellington. It certainly smelled incredible and looked mouth-watering. It was almost hard to resist taking a bite.

"You're Haruhi Fujioka aren't you?" the blonde boy smiled from across the table. I looked up from my plate and met his gaze.

I swallowed the lump in my throat, "Yes"

"I'm Tamaki Suoh, my father told me about you" he reached his hand towards me to shake. I stared at it for a few silent moments before hesitantly shaking it.

"You're Mr Suoh's son?" I asked.

He nodded, "My room is across the hall from yours. He's told me to keep an eye on you whilst you settle in"

_Great, another babysitter._

"Thank you, but I'm sure I can manage just fine on my own"

"They all say that. But everyone needs support from friends" Tamaki beamed. He had the same charm as his father had, and I could recognise the similarities between them from the shape of his face to the spacing of his shoulders. But I was bewildered by the pale blonde of his neat, flowing hair and the peircing gaze of his lavender eyes. He couldn't have been full Japanese. I'd never seen such bright princely eyes before in my entire life.

"Tamaki has been here since Mr Suoh took over the institute" Kyoya explained from beside him, "He's been my neighbour in the dorms for almost 2 years now"

I tilted my head, toying with my fork between my fingers, "If you're Mr Suoh's son then how-come you stay in the 17-20 dorms with the other residents?" I asked, "Surely since you're institute royalty you'd have your own room amongst the staff?"

Tamaki chuckled and I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion, "I get the same treatment as every other patient here, it aids my recovery just as everyone else's"

"You're admitted here as a patient?" I questioned.

He nodded, "For 5 years"

"Howcome?"

"There's no use in asking" Kyoya breathed, "No one really knows, and Tamaki never answers fully"

"You make me sound so uncooperative" Tamaki grinned mischievously.

"Answer her then"

Tamaki hesitated, "I went through an ordeal when I was 13 years old, my father admitted me here to give me the help I needed for my schizophrenia. I've been lucky enough to receive an extensive amount of treatment since I've been here for so long"

"See" Kyoya grumbled, "He won't tell you what happened or what the voices say"

"It's in the past now, and my medication keeps me...regular. There's no use in explaining the details" Tamaki replied.

"But isn't it your father that says it's healthy to share?" I asked.

"We've mentioned that, doesn't make any difference"

"Privacy isn't always a bad thing" I murmured.

"Exactly" Tamaki agreed, "Besides, the voices in my head told me not to say a word so..." he held up a finger to his lips in a shushing gesture.

I smirked a little, but looked back down at my food to disguise it. The conversation flowed around me so I just kept to myself and began tucking into my beef wellington. Back in the apartment Hana and Toru had stripped out the kitchen and refused to replace it. We only had one burner and a microwave, so the only food I could eat came in cheap packets – _if _Hana saved any money for food that is.

After a few minutes of slowly pushing my food around my plate, I became aware of the talking around me quieting. I glanced up at everyone to see them staring over my shoulder. I furrowed my eyebrows and tilted my head to follow their eyes.

Behind me stood a tall handsome boy with wild auburn hair, he would have looked playful had it not been for the dark rings around his eyes and the zombified look in his expression.

"There you are, we were starting to worry" Tamaki spoke up.

The exhausted looking boy took the empty seat beside me and immediately buried his face in his hands.

"Kao-chan, where have you been all day?" Honey asked sadly, his face had such a heavy look of concern on it, making his childish face age slightly.

"Red wing" the boy replied, "Bad day"

"Jesus Kaoru, was that today?" Renge questioned.

Kaoru shook his head, "No, I was only visiting today" he yawned and raised his face from his palms, he rubbed his eyes tiredly and looked straight at me, "Who are you?" he asked.

I blinked, but didn't trust my voice to respond.

"This is Haruhi, Mr Suoh told us about her, remember?" Kyoya replied.

"Oh, right, the crazy one"

"Hey!?" I snapped loudly.

"No, no, don't worry, he says that about everyone. We're all crazy here" Honey chuckled eerily beside me, he clapped his hands together clumsily and gave me a toothy grin, as if he were trying to reassure me. If anything, he only confused me further.

"Kaoru Hitachiin" the red head smiled, he leaned in and wrapped an arm around me, as if to welcome me with a friendly hug. I flinched and recoiled as soon as I saw his arm lift.

"Kaoru, no touching" Tamaki spoke up before Kaoru could pull me against him.

Kaoru looked at me and noticed my reluctance and apprehension, "Oh yeah, sorry" he retracted his arm and sat back with an apologetic smile, "The floor has been in uproar waiting for you"

"Really?" I gave a confused look.

"He's just teasing" Renge chuckled, "You look tired Kaoru" she flashed him a wink.

"Set fire to anymore curtains recently Renge?" he joked back. Everyone laughed in reply.

I didn't quite understand the joke and raised an eyebrow. Tamaki noticed my confusion, "Kaoru has narcolepsy, he gets excessively tired during the day" Tamaki explained, "It's kind of an inside joke to tell him he looks tired"

"Not very imaginative with your jokes here are you?" I smirked. Tamaki gave a toothy grin in response. I looked back at Kaoru, who yawned once more, "Did you say you were in the red wing?" I asked, "I thought no one was allowed there"

To my question, the atmosphere around the table became tense, and even the sounds of everyone clinking their cutlery stopped and froze along with their movements. I looked back at Kaoru, only to see that he'd fallen asleep with his head on the table.

"Oh" I breathed.

"Someone forgot to take their meds..." Renge commented in a sad tone, "I'll get the warden"

"No, just let him sleep" Tamaki breathed.

"Bless him, all jokes aside, he does look a lot more tired than usual" Renge sighed.

"And he's been out of classes all week" Mori said.

Tamaki must have read the confusion once more in my expression as he leaned across the table and breathed, "Kaoru's brother is in the red wing"

My eyes widened, "What? Really?"

"During the last week he's been going over there every day to see him. They don't usually let other residents in, but Kaoru and Hikaru are a special case" Kyoya explained.

"They're twins" Renge said.

"Twins?" I questioned.

"They've been here just as long as each other, but Hikaru always had bigger issues than Kaoru. He only lasted 2 days of his induction period in the amber wing before they committed him to red" Kyoya continued.

"There's rumour that they're moving Hikaru back to the amber wing" Honey spoke up.

"I hope the rumours aren't true, he's dangerous" Kyoya grumbled under his breath.

"He's been in there for almost a year, his behaviour will be far more controlled now" Tamaki breathed, "No one has been around him for more than 2 days when he first arrived. But Kaoru lets us know how he's doing whenever he visits. The separation between them is almost paralysing for Kaoru, I don't expect it's any different for Hikaru"

"What did he do?" I asked.

"We don't talk about that" Renge exhaled, "Kaoru might tell you when he's more awake"

I held my breath. _Just what I need, some more danger in my life. _

"You needn't look so scared" Tamaki commented.

"I'm not scared'" I replied.

"You never told us" he continued, "What are you here for?"

To that question everyone looked over at me.

"I would have thought Mr Suoh would have told you" I answered bluntly.

Tamaki bit his lip, "There's an element of confidentiality. I don't know the whole story"

"But you know parts of it?"

He nodded.

I closed my eyes and sat back in my chair. I didn't want people knowing all that stuff about me, I didn't know them, they didn't know me. It was none of their business. The last thing I wanted was questions or patronisation from strangers.

The conversation dripped off there, and everyone finished their dinners. We sat there as the cafeteria emptied and it grew dark outside. Kaoru slept throughout the conversation, until it was time to head back to the dorm for curfew. Tamaki helped Kaoru to his feet and helped him sleepily stumble up the staircase behind us.

* * *

The institute's curfew meant that by 10pm, everyone had to be in their dormitories and prepared for the evening check up before bed. I disappeared into my dorm room almost as soon as we returned from dinner. Everyone else was too distracted by Kaoru to notice my absence, much to my relief.

The day had been a stressful and long one. My head was having a hard time processing it all. I was almost mad at myself for being so anxious around all these people. I hated myself for not being stronger. I stared at myself in my bathroom mirror, glaring into the brown eyes that stared back. I could feel the anger in my gut brewing. I was so confused, what was going through my head. Did I seriously belong here?

Renge liked setting fires, Mori and Kyoya were dangerously angry, Honey thought he was a child, Kaoru had sleep disorder and Tamaki heard voices. Did I seriously fit in to the same mindset as them?

I tilted my head as I analysed myself in my reflection. My eyes didn't look crazy. I stared closer.

_What do you expect to see? Green skin? Polka-dots? _

_What does a crazy person look like? How can I tell?_

_You won't see it looking in a mirror._

My reverie was interrupted by a knock at the door. Before I even moved to answer it, one of the patrolling wardens walked in.

She did her check ups, obviously she knew about my...dark urges, as when she entered, she checked my room for sharp implements and anything she considered to be dangerous. During dinner, someone must have come into my dorm and gone through the clothes in the wardrobe, as many items of clothing that required belts had been removed from the room. The warden didn't stay around long, she just checked my wellbeing and invaded my drawers and belongings.

I sat there on the edge of my bed, staring at a patch of wall as she walked around, she left a few minutes later without saying a word to me. I must have sat there for a while, as the outside lights turned off out my window after some time. It was only than that I blinked and sighed to myself. My heart was beating violently in my chest, and there was a lump in my throat as if I were about to vomit.

I was used to feeling this way. This was as natural to me as breathing. I glanced down at my arms and rolled up my sleeves, my eyes focused on the faded scarred rings that braceleted each wrist.

Ever since Toru gave me those, I'd never been able to feel any sense of comfort around another human being. Even though I was 10 years old at the time, I could still remember every second. Right down to the stench of whiskey on his breath and the stained grey t-shirt he wore. On that day, he and his friends handcuffed me to the bars on one of the apartment windows. I hung there with my arms above my head for the entire day and night. Covering myself in vomit and piss as the cuffs drew blood from my wrists under my weight.

I avoided people after that, I was too afraid Toru would do it again. I assumed that was where my people skills went. I could remember all 5 of them laughing as they glugged back mouthfuls of beer with drunken grins. Since then, being around large numbers of people just made me feel sick. It would take some getting used to - being around all these residents.

Thinking about the past also made me wonder about Kaoru's brother. Mr Suoh had said that the red wing was locked due to the dangerous patients they had in there. Tamaki said he had only lasted 2 days into his induction before he did something that sent him straight to the red building. If he did get moved to amber with the rest of us, would he still be dangerous?

With these thoughts, I eventually drifted off to sleep. Sat upright, on the bed with my back against the wall. I must have been pretty tired. But my rest didn't last very long, as an hour or two later, I was awoken by another warden making sure I was still breathing. Instead of staying silent, this time I shouted at them and told them to leave me alone. At least she knew I was alive.

The rest of the night was spent restlessly dozing in and out of nightmares. I pulled the covers down onto the floor and rested my head on the soft carpet. Renge wasn't joking when she said the warden's check ups were relentless during the induction period of the admittance, how Mr Suoh expected me to get any sleep was a mystery to me.

I only hoped that tomorrow would be better.

At this rate, I wasn't going to last very long.

* * *

**A/N - Shorter chapter today, but more developments and such, finally introduced everyone with some added mysteries ;) **

**Please remember to Review/Favourite/Follow, I love all your feedback, gives me lots to think about and incorporate :D**

**Thank you!**

**\- Yuli xx**


	5. Chapter 5 - The First Session

**.**

**Let The Wind Blow**

**Chapter 5**

_I'm not fighting myself, will not follow_  
_ 'Cause my choices are mine, it's my fate_  
_ And I'll never bow down from the sorrow_  
_ I'll face all that is coming my way_

_\- Let Us Burn, Within Temptation_

* * *

The beating in my chest was starting to hurt the longer I sat on the cream suede couch in the large ornate office. My knee bounced anxiously as I stared ahead at Dr Kato as he sat behind his desk, he stared right back at me. I knew he was already analysing me, without even needing me to speak a word. Dr Kato wasn't as old as I assumed he would be. He had thick, greying hair but a young, stern face that sat on strong athletic shoulders. But he had small, sunken dark eyes that took away all elements of comfort in his appearance. It were as if he could work me out with only one glare.

"Aren't you going to interogate me?" I murmured, breaking through the 10 minute long silence.

Dr Kato gave me an unreadable look, "Is that how you see this?"

"Of course" I replied, "This is stupid, and it's invasive"

"How do you know? We haven't even started yet" Dr Kato uncapped his pen, signalling that _now _the session had begun. I crossed my arms defensively and leaned back against the couch cushions. "Today isn't technically a session, I just want to get to know you, tell you what will be expected from each meeting we have, and the progress I hope to make with you"

"So what do you want to know then? My favourite colour or something?"

"No, I just want to talk with you"

"That's what the last therapist said. And look at what happened" I gestured around me to the office.

"But you understand why you were sent here don't you?"

I shook my head, "No, not really" I replied, "I've met a lot of residents here since I arrived, I've met an arsonist, a schizophreic and a boy who has no control over his consciousness. I don't belong here"

"You tried to kill yourself Haruhi, that's why you're here"

"And you really think being here will help me?"

"This institute has helped a lot of suicidal residents. Just like how it's going to help you"

I chuckled darkly in disbelief.

"It's a good thing that you're here. Surely you agree that this institue is better than the apartment you spent your life in?" Dr Kato gave me a questioning look, like he was trying to test me. I glared back at the mention of Hana's home.

"I'd rather not talk about that" I replied.

"Why not? Does it upset you?"

"What do you think?"

"That apartment was what drove you to the bridge wasn't it?" he asked, "Well, you're not there anymore, and yet you're still showing suicidal signs. Why do you think that is?"

I remained silent and looked down at my hands.

"Do you not know the answer?"

"Of course I do" I mumbled, "Wherever I am, it doesn't change the past. I was raised poorly, and because of that, I missed out on education, I missed out on friendships and I missed out on valuble life skills. Which means that regardless of what happens now, I'm still not going to get those years back. I've missed my chance of being a normal person. To get a normal job, and a normal home and have a normal family. As far as I'm concerned, I don't have a future. Just because I'm still breathing and my heart still beats, doesn't mean I have a life, and it doesn't mean I've been saved. What's really the point in me coasting to the grave? Just waiting to die? When I can get it over with now?"

Dr Kato finally showed some reaction to my outburst. His eyes turned more curious as his head tilted to the side in interest, "If that's genuinely how you feel, then it won't hurt to just sit with me and talk. Will it?"

I shrugged.

"So, tell me more about these urges. When you think about suicide, what do you feel?"

I shrugged again, "The idea of suicide feels like...walking through a door. Leaving this place and going somewhere else"

"So you believe in the afterlife?"

"I don't know" I replied, "But if there isn't one, I'll hardly be conscious to regret what I did, will I?"

"When did you first start feeling this way?"

I blinked slowly, thinking through my reply, "I'm not sure exactly. For as long as I remember, everything has felt so...temporary. Like I'm not really living. When I started feeling trapped, I knew there was only one way out"

"Is that what you feel now? Trapped?"

I paused and bit my lip. What was he getting at? I couldn't think of an honest response, so I just remained silent. Dr Kato stared at me for a long intense moment before writing something down on his clipboard. As he did so, I took a second to look around. The curtains to the office were wide open, and sunlight poured in. I squinted as I stared out at the lasge courtyard. It was Saturday morning, and some of the residents could be seen outside together, gathered in clusters, some talking, some tossing a ball around.

"I want you to feel relaxed around me Haruhi" Dr Kato spoke up, "Are you open to the idea that I can help you? When people feel suicidal, usually it's an urgency. I like to think that judging by your responsiveness, there's a part of you wants some help. So you can feel like yourself again"

I sighed and looked back at him, tearing my gaze away from the other-worldly scene that captured my attention outside. "Every single person I have met in my life has hurt me in some way. So how can I trust anyone to help me?"

"Trust issues can be expected. I'm not asking you to trust me instantly, but if you allow me to, I can gain your trust. And show you that there is nothing to be afraid of"

"Have you helped anyone like me before?" I asked, "Anyone who has been through the same as me?"

Dr Kato hesitated, "No two cases are the same, but a few similar, yes"

"And could you help them?"

"People accept help in different ways Haruhi, but yes, I've been able to make huge differences in people's lives. It takes time. But soon enough you'll be able to feel comfortable enough to share your feelings with me. I can't help those who don't want it. But I can give you a safe and comfortable environment to share your thoughts at least"

"What happens if I refuse?"

"Then we monitor you. Simple as that. But it does mean that with no signs of recovery, you're unlikely to be trusted alone, or to act independantly. Each and every rule here is set in your best interests. We just want you to understand that the mind can be healed. I'm never going to be patronising and tell you 'things get better' because that's not constructive. But I can promise you that I can help you accept what's happened to you, and move on and move forwards. You'll be taught coping techniques, and slowly but surely, you'll begin to let go of these dark feelings"

My head screamed with cnflict and unsurity. I stared unblinking at Dr Kato, finally able to bravely look him straight in the eye.

"I'm not making any promises" I breathed quietly.

"You don't have to Haruhi" he replied. It wasn't much, but I could sense how proud he was with himself. It made me feel uneasy, and a little defeated as he lowered his head to write more on his arrogant clipboard. I sighed to myself and closed my eyes, waiting for the flurry of questions that would follow.

* * *

"So? How was it?" Tamaki asked as I sat down at the table.

I shrugged, "I'd say good, but I don't know if there's such as thing as a good therapy session"

"Oh believe me, if it was bad, you'd know it" Renge replied.

"Well, I suppose it was good. Just a bit...invasive. I don't like talking about myself. And I especially didn't like being judged and documented in his ridiculous clipboard"

"It get's easier, if you've never had therapy before it always starts out a little strange. But once you're used to it, it'll start helping" Tamaki said.

Renge nodded in agreement, "And besides, Dr Kato is one of the good guys, it could be worse, you could have Dr Matsuoka, if you didn't want to kill yourself beforehand, you definitely would after seeing him"

I froze, staring up at her with wide, shocked eyes, "What did you just say?"

"Renge!" Tamaki grumbled, "Don't you understand confidentiality?"

"You told her?" I snapped. I knew that Tamaki knew things about me from his father, but I prayed he wouldn't share it with anyone.

_What else did he tell her? _

_What else did he know?_

"I didn't tell her, when we get new residents...sometimes information leaks and spreads. It's okay, no one judges you, I mean, we have 8 other suicidal residents on our floor alone" Tamaki explained, "But I told Renge not to broadcast it"

"Jesus" I grumbled, burying my face in my hands, "I didn't want people knowing. I don't like people thinking or talking about me"

"Well, unfortunately privacy isn't a privilage people like us get in a place like this" Kaoru murmured.

"And sometimes it's better when people know, that way your friends can look out for you. And to make friends, you have to get to know each other" Renge continued.

"I don't make friends" I grumbled.

To that, the group laughed, "That's what everyone says" Honey chuckled, "But everyone needs friends Haru-chan"

I sighed, "I don't like it here. Really, I don't"

"It gets easier" Tamaki comforted, "You've only been here a day, give it time"

"I don't want to give it time"

"You don't get a choice" Kyoya mumbled, "A resident like you won't be allowed to leave unsupervised. Besides, you'll be under constant survaillance until they're sure you're not a danger to yourself"

"This place feels like prison" I sighed.

"Yup" Kaoru answered, popping the 'P', "But it's a prison with a PS4 and a pool. So it could be worse. But regardless, for your sake, allow the help they're offering. If you don't show signs of recovery, especially when it comes to suicide, soon they'll have no choice but to admit you into the red wing. And trust me, you don't want that"

"If you show reluctance to get better, and refuse all help. They'll remove all choice from you, the red wing is hell compared to this" Renge said, "Just trust Dr Kato, he won't let them send you there as long as you open up to him"

"Basically Haruhi, don't try and kill yourself" Kaoru patted me firmly on the back, making light of the sensitive subject. I liked how he wasn't serious about it, it made me feel like he understood my view on it somewhat.

"Kaoru. Hand" Tamaki commented, pointing his fork towards Kaoru's arm that laid outstretch across my shouder. It wasn't until then that I realised I was cowering away.

"Sorry, I forget" Kaoru mumbled.

I cleared my throat unomfortably as he removed himself, yawning as he did so. "So..." I breathed, "The red wing...I'm imagining it as some sort of crazy Amityville asylum, with padded cells and straight jackets. Would I be right in thinking that?"

"I suppose in a way. The green and amber wings are designed to be more...homely, like a school almost. Whereas the red wing is more clinical. Although the only person who's actually seen it is Kaoru..."

"Because of your brother?" I questioned, turning to face the auburn haired boy who yawned widely as I faced him.

Kaoru nodded, his mood dropping noticably, "Yeah. It's clean in there, and neat. But nothing like here. There's no comfort or décor, it's main aim is recovery - not freedom for the residents. But yes, there are padded rooms and straight jackets. Especially in isolation"

"Is the isolation there the same as the isolation here?"

"No, it's worse. And sometimes, depending on the outburst. Green or amber residents can be sent over there"

"I was sent there once" Mori spoke up for the first time, "When I first arrived"

"Takashi hurt someone really bad" Honey pouted sadly, "He was in there for a whole day"

"I wouldn't recommend it" Mori responded.

"So...why is your brother in there?" I asked, chewing my lip. I was very curious as to what type of disorders sent you there. You had to be pretty fucked up to end up in a place like that.

Kaoru didn't look up at me as I waited for his reply, and suddenly the table fell very tense and silent.

"I'll tell you all about Hikaru" Kaoru sighed, "If you tell me all about you"

I blinked, taken aback slightly, "No deal" I replied.

"Well there we go then" he said, "You have your secrets, I can have mine"

"That's hardly fair" I blurted, "Everyone else knows. So it's not a secret"

"You'll have to wait then. Soon enough, Hikaru is coming to the amber wing, then he can tell you everything himself"

"Oh come on Kaoru" Tamaki spoke up, "There are things she needs to know before introducing Hika"

"And you don't think we need to know about her?" Kaoru snapped, "She's been here a day, and already we know she's been itching to top herself, and it's not like that was much of a secret. We all know what type of residents get check ups hourly per night. And not only that, but it's her induction period, she could be dangerous, and we know nothing about her"

"Hey!" I snapped, "Don't talk about me like I'm not here"

His voice was so bitter, "I understand that everyone is welcoming you in to make you comfortable. But the thing is with you new residents is that you don't understand how good this place is. And you complain about how it's like a prison and how you hate it. You have no idea how bad things could be, and what some people here have been through. You ask so matter-of-factly why Hikaru is in the red wing, as if it's your right to know, when you're completely unwilling to share the same back. It makes me sick"

"I was only asking a fucking question!" I shouted, standing up.

Then there was silence in the cafeteria, and everyone looked at me.

Kaoru looked up at me from his seat, flinching slightly. It was only then, that I realised I had my hands balled into fists and a vicious glare directed at him. In the corner of my eye, I could see a warden making his way towards me.

"Haruhi, sit down" Tamaki said comfortingly.

My chest was heaving as I looked at him. The warden stopped at my side, "Everything okay?" he asked in a strict and authoritive tone.

I hesitated.

"Yeah, it's fine. She's just a little overwhelmed. But she's okay now, aren't you Haurhi?" Kaoru said, he gave me a knowing look. Slowly, I nodded and unclenched my hands. The warden allowed me to sit back down, before returning to his stance at the other side of the room. I could feel his eyes on me as the chatter began to build up again around the room once more, as if nothing had happened.

"Sorry" Kaoru murmured, "I get...defensive about Hikaru. I don't like talking about it"

"It's fine. Forget it" I said quietly, still surprised by my own outburst.

The conversation fizzled out after that, and the awkwardness that set around the table slowly disappeared as Kaoru and I fell silent and the others began talking about other things. The rest of lunch went by slowly, and with dominating silent.

* * *

I disappeared into my room for the rest of the day, putting up with the frequent visits from the wardens to check up on me. Mr Suoh stopped by just after dinner, and asked me about my episode in the cafeteria at lunch. I shrugged it off and blamed it on tiredness from the disturbances of the nightly patrol. He seemed satisfied but unsure with my response.

Around 11pm, a knock on my door forced me to move from my position on the bed. It was after curfew and I was invited by Kaoru to sit with everyone in the social alcove where I first met everyone, next to the unlit fireplace – as a sort of peace offering.

Renge's eyes kept flickering towards the fireplace expectantly, as if she were trying to ignite it with her desire for flames. Everyone was dressed in their pyjamas, as they passed around stolen bags of chips and bottles of lemonade. I didn't ask if we were allowed to be out here after curfew, and it wasn't like we wouldn't get caught with all the nightly patrols. But regardless, my curiousity was fed by the explanation that Mr Suoh had allowed it specially, to give me a better chance to settle in. I guessed having his son on this floor had it's perks.

"Kaoru..." Renge breathed, "Did you say earlier that Hikaru was being moved to the amber ward?"

Kaoru nodded in response to her question, and the atmosphere became tense once more at the mention of him.

She smiled, "When did you find out?"

"This morning"

"When is he being moved?" Tamaki asked.

"Next week" Kaoru exhaled, "They'll move him slowly, and give him another induction period to settle him in. It's not for definite yet, it's just a trial run"

"Is he dangerous?" I blurted out suddenly.

The group hesitated.

"If he was, they wouldn't be moving him" Kyoya replied.

"He isn't going to hurt anyone" Kaoru said, "He's not like that...not anymore"

"How long was he in the red wing for?" I asked.

"Almost a year, we got here when we were 17 and he's been in there ever since" he sighed, "He and I...we'd never been apart, so when they moved him to a seperate wing I panicked. I wanted to go there with him...but...narcolepsy isn't something they treat over there. And it's nothing compared to what Hikaru has"

"What does Hikaru have?" I asked hesitantly, concerned that it might cause Kaoru to become defensive again.

"Split personality disorder" Kaoru answered, "Hikaru himself is fine...its when he has his...episodes that he becomes dangerous. But after a year in the red wing, he's been medicated and treated, he's under control now" He cleared his throat and sighed, "Anyway, Haruhi. Tell us something about you"

"Something about me?" I questioned.

"Yeah. Where did you live before here?"

I blinked and took a deep breath, "Adachi" I replied.

"Kyo-chan came from Adachi" Honey spoke up with a smile, "When he was small"

"I came from the Southern end, the bad end" I continued.

"I was more North" Kyoya replied.

"I'd assume as much, it's far nicer that way"

"Do you have any brothers or sisters?" Renge continued the questioning.

I shook my head,"No, I'm an only child"

"Just like Tama-chan" Honey beamed, "See, you've got lots in common with us" He seemed overly happy about that, his enthused smile was almost infectious. A small smirk played on my lips, "You look pretty when you smile Haru-chan"

I chuckled lightly and looked down at my hands.

Thankfully, the questioning stopped after that, and was replaced by mindless chatter. It was calming, and it was nice. I let out a sigh as I listened to them all speak among themselves, talking about things I had no input on. As I watched them I thought to myself about the things they had all been through and struggled with. Maybe what Kaoru had said about me at lunch was right, perhaps I was complaining too much. He said some people had come from worse places, and this institute was a haven. He was right. I'd come from a place worse than hell, and I still had the nerve to complain about this place. Maybe I needed to do as everyone suggested, and give it a chance.

I thought about it even when we went back to our rooms. I settled myself down on the floor with a pillow and closed my eyes. I thought about earlier, with my clenched fists and the surging of anger I felt throughout my body during lunch. I'd never experienced anything like it before. In Hana's apartment, I'd only felt fear. I'd lash out sometimes but I would never show so much anger, doing that was pointless. Now that Hana and Toru were gone, I had my control back. Here, they couldn't punish or hurt me. I was in charge of myself now, and I could act in any way I pleased. And here, I wasn't going to be the victim again.

Never again, would I be the victim.

I clenched my fists, enjoying the new found sense of independence. And for the first time, I truly felt like I'd left that apartment.

For the little time I had left on this earth, I wasn't going to be controlled.

_I'm the only person you can trust_

I smiled, _Yes you are._

* * *

**A/N - Sorry about the wait on this one, been in-between homes and stuck in the joyous limbo of moving house! Sorry if this one feels rushed, been trying to get it up as soon as I could :)**

**Please remember to Review/Favourite/Follow **

**Let me know what you think :D **

**And soon I'll be starting the Hikaru POV of Lionheart! So keep an eye out :D xx**

**\- Yuli xx**


	6. Chapter 6 - The Classroom

**.**

**Let The Wind Blow**

**Chapter 6**

_'Cause I'm broken when I'm open_  
_ And I don't feel like I am strong enough_  
_ 'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome_  
_  
__\- Broken, Seether_

* * *

You would have thought from the amount of stares I received as I entered the classroom on Monday morning – that I was a giant performing elephant or something. I'd hidden myself away for most of the sunday, mentally preparing myself for my first class in over 5 years, so I missed the chance to join the introductions in the courtyard – as everyone else gathered to enjoy a bit of the sunshine. First class, 8am, was Math, and all the amber 17-20's shared classes together. So as I walked in behind the group, I noted the other 30 seats around the large classroom, and each person sat in them turned to stare as we walked in one by one, coupled with hushed whispers as they took turns in noticing me – the new resident.

According to Renge, news about my arrival had been spreading like wild fire. Apparently the last new resident in the 17-20 wing to arrive was about 4 months ago, and everytime someone new turned up, the other residents were quick to get their stares and judgements in. And I was no acception.

I took the empty desk in-between Kaoru and Tamaki near the front of the classroom. The others were scattered around the room, Renge and Kyoya at the back and Honey and Mori nearer the centre. Amongst us, were the invasive and curious faces of everyone else. All those eyes made me uneasy. I shuffled anxiously in my uncomfortable grey scrubs and watched as the teacher made her way to her seat behind the desk.

She introduced herself as Mrs Watanabe. She was an older woman, but she was practically a giant. She stood almost 6 feet tall and had a stocky, athletic build like a football player. Her innocent floral summer dress and cardigan hardly suited her, and her circular glasses were far too small for her angular face.

Tamaki must have noticed my analysing, as he leaned towards me and whispered, "Watanabe lived in England during the 1980s, she played professional woman's rugby for almost 10 years"

I replied quietly, "And she's a math teacher?"

I was never really good at math, I knew the basics, like how to add and subtract, but the more complex stuff always escaped me. Numbers always became lost on the page, my brain just never wanted to cooperate. But what made the class even more difficult, was the whispering that came from behind me. Each time I turned around, I would see serveral sets of eyes staring right back at me. 7 sets of eyes, now that I could count.

"Ignore them" Kaoru mumbled to me, "This happens everytime someone new arrives. They'll get bored in a few days"

"It's irritating me. It's like they've never seen another human being before"

The stares and whispers continued for the full hour lesson, and then throughout the English lesson that followed. You would have thought they'd run out of things to say. But alas, it just went on relentlessly. One girl in particular – Tamaki introduced her as Benio Amakusa, who sat one seat behind me, she didn't seem to have the courtesy to hush her musings. I could clearly hear the words, "Fujioka girl" and "Suicidal" leave her lips in-between lectures from the teacher. My knee was bouncing furiously the longer I ignored her speaking, and when the bell finally rang for freedom, I practically leapt from my seat and ran from the room.

"It's just curious chatter" Renge said as we all sat at our usual table in the cafeteria. Now that I'd been to my first classes, I could recognise some of the faces around the room. When they were distracted by their social groups, thankfully attention had been averted away from me. Although it did mean their whisperings were far louder now, "They're just trying to work you out"

"In places like this, the only gossip we have is what brings the newbies in" Kaoru explained.

"So you mean, they're trying to work out why I'm here?" I questioned.

Everyone nodded, "Everyone here does it, gives people something else to think about other than their problems" Tamaki breathed.

"I see" I grumbled.

I rotated my head and glanced around the canteen, a sea of grey sweats and shirts tinted my vision. I understood to a degree what the fascination was. I didn't know anything about these people, it was interesting looking around and thinking about what these many residents may be going through. In a way, it sort of made me feel more normal. As I gazed around, I met the piercing green eyes of Benio Amakusa, who sat at the other end of the room, on a table with a group of girls.

She had cropped brown hair and had a tall, slender profile. She was noticably pretty, and held herself in a very confident stance. She didn't blink, nor look away when our eyes met.

"She's starting to creep me out" I murmured to Renge who sat beside me.

"Who? Benibara?" she replied, following my gaze, "She's a sociopath, she creeps everyone out"

"Sociopath?" I questioned, "What like...Christian Bale in American Psycho, kind of sociopath?"

"Not all sociopaths are crazed murderers" Renge chuckled, "She's just...scarily charming, passive aggressive, and a compulsive liar. She's just a general empty shell, she literally cannot feel guilt or remorse. She's not very easy to speak to, you never know what's true and what's lies"

"She keeps staring at me" I muttered. This, Benibara, smirked a little, as if she knew I was talking about her. Quickly, I turned back to my food and lowered my head. I hated it when people stared at me, it made my stomach churn.

Kaoru changed the conversation relatively quickly, averting the attention away from me. I guess that was a quality about him I was growing to like, he always sensed when a change in subject was needed. And although I could still feel eyes shooting daggars into my back, my attention was now focused more on the conversation. Kaoru spoke more about his brother, and about when he would be arriving in the amber wing. Tensions were high at the mention of 'Hikaru', but I could see that the others were trying to be supportive, even if they were feeling apprehensive about his arrival. And I shared in that apprehension. I still had no idea what to expect.

We finished our lunches and remained at our table. We didn't have class for another hour, so we made no rush to leave the fast emptying cafeteria. But something caught my eye as I glanced behind me at the one remaining group of residents. Benibara looked at me the second my eyes touched her, as if she could sense me and my movements. A sinister smile grew on her lips, showing me her rows of pearly white teeth. She slowly raised a hand and rippled her fingers at me, like a painful and cautious wave.

"Amakusa, cut it out" Kyoya shouted over to her, the second he noticed her watching me.

I flashed Kyoya a wide eyed look, surprised by his outburst.

Benibara's grin grew as she stood up and made her way over to our table. I didn't dare blink as she swayed towards us, and stopped beside me. She rested her hand on the table right next to mine and smiled as she looked down at me.

"That wasn't an invitation to come over" Kyoya snapped. I was starting to see his anger coming through. But Benibara just continued smiling, and didn't look away from me to reply.

"I just wanted to greet the newest resident, I live at the other end of the floor so I haven't seen her around much" she said. She had a deep and sultry voice, almost flirtatious as she spoke to me, "I'm Benio Amakusa, but everyone just calls me Benibara" she raised her hand and offered it to me. I held my breath as I stared at it. But she didn't retract it until I shook back, "You've made quite a hushed entrance, usually we get a lot of fuss when new residents are admitted"

"Fuss?" I questioned.

"Benibara, what do you want?" Renge asked before Benio could answer.

"As I said, I just wanted to say hello. Aren't I allowed to be friendly?"

"You don't know how to be friendly" Renge muttered.

Benibara clearly heard what Renge said, but showed no reaction, "Aren't you a pretty one. I wonder what you've got to be sad about..." Benio's voice hushed as if she were thinking out loud, "You know...I think you and I are going to be friends" she grinned widely, for the first time I actually believed that it was genuine.

I furrowed my eyebrows, confused by what she was implying.

"I'll be sure to talk again, when you're not surrounded by your...guard-dogs. And Kaoru..." she flickered her gaze to Kaoru who sat at my side, "...say hi to your brother for me" she flashed a wink and gave me one last look and smile before leaving the room. She left nothing but silence. It took a few moments for the dust to settle before everyone could speak again.

"What was all that?" I questioned.

"Stupid bitch" Kaoru hissed into his palms.

"Ignore her, she likes stirring shit up. It's her personal form of entertainment" Tamaki grumbled, he patted Kyoya on the back, as he noticed how angered he had become by their exchange.

"So...why is there so much bad blood between you guys and her? I hadn't even seen her before today" I looked from person to person.

"You're new, that makes you a new toy for her to play with" Honey pouted sadly, "She seems really nice but she's not"

"What did she mean by 'say hi to your brother for me?'" I asked.

"She was the reason Hikaru was sent to the amber wing" Kaoru breathed.

"What did she do?"

Kaoru leaned back in his chair and sighed, "She manipulates people..." he said, "There was this other resident, she got into his head. She made him mess with Hikaru, Hika went into his...mode...and that was the end of his induction. They took him away to isolation, and he never came back. And it was all Benibara's fault"

"Did she know that would happen?" I asked.

"I doubt she cared about what would happened. She never felt any remorse over it, and never apologised. I don't even think she understood why I was so upset. It's just not in her DNA"

"She's a sociopath, that mixed with a bad personaility is a recipe for disaster" Renge said, "Just don't believe a word she says, she's not good for your recovery. She's not good for anyones recovery"

And with that, the conversation changed once more. But I couldn't think straight, I was far too tired to contribute.

* * *

My tiredness remained as we readied ourselves for the next class. As we made our way through the institute towards our classroom, I caught a glimpse of the restroom sign. I stopped in my tracks and yawned.

"You okay Haru-chan?" Honey asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine" I breathed, "I uh...I'll catch up with you, I'm not feeling too good"

"Not feeling too good?" Honey questioned, tilting his head to the side. I couldn't help myself from forgetting he was 20 years old. He looked so much like a little boy.

"I'll be in in a minute, I just need to go to the bathroom"

He nodded, "Okay. Don't be too long though, the teacher will get mad" he flashed me a grin before running off to join the others. I exhaled and fell back down the corridor to where we had just come from. My eyes were heavy and a yawn tore through my throat.

I stopped in the bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror. I washed my face and pushed my hair back off my forehead. My skin looked so pale in the dreary light of the bathroom, and my eyes were dark and sunken with sleeplessness. I looked sick.

"Fancy seeing you here" a voice took me by surprise. I turned around to see Benibara step into view with her signiture grin that suggested something sinister, "I thought it was you. Skipping class?"

"No" I replied, "I just...needed a moment to myself. Is that a problem?" my tone was defensive, even though I hadn't intended it to be so.

"No, not a problem at all. Just seemed a little...suspitious. What are you up to?"

"Nothing" I grumbled, "I need to get to class. So do you" I approached the door but she was blocking my exit, "Excuse me"

"I did say I wanted to talk again, when you were alone" she grinned, "I didn't think it would be this soon"

"I'm not in the mood to talk" I replied.

Her grin turned into a smirk, "Too bad"

"Look, I heard about what kind of person you are. And I have no interest in speaking with you or becoming your friend" I said bluntly, "I'm just not interested"

"I suppose your guard-dogs filled you in then?"

"Yes"

"Filling your head with their opinions?"

"With the truth" I snapped, "I know what you did to Kaoru's brother"

"Oh come on" she chuckled darkly, "That boy was a time bomb, whether I had something to do with it or not, he was bound to fly off the rails at some point. He was dangerous. I did everyone a favour" at that moment, another girl pushed through the bathroom door behind her. She was dressed in blue scrubs, she must have been no older than 13, "Fuck off" Benibara snapped at her. Without hesitation, the girl ran back out, and a small shiek followed her out of the room.

"So is that what you do?" I said, "Target new residents for entertainment?"

"I'm just trying to keep myself safe. And Hikaru Hitachiin was certainly not safe. I knew it the second I saw him, he was twitchy, he was closed up, he was going to do something to hurt someone, I just made it happen when the wardens were watching. You didn't know him, you have no idea what he was capable of. He was fucking crazy"

"News flash" I said loudly, "Everyone is crazy here! If you push anyone's buttons they are bound to snap!"

Benibara only laughed in reply.

"Is this why you wanted to speak to me? So you can get me sent to the red wing too?"

"I only do what I want. If you're a danger, then I'm going to expose that"

"I'm not a danger"

"How do you know? You've only been here 4 days"

I glared at her.

"I think you and I are a lot alike" she smirked.

"I'm nothing like you. I can actually differentiate between what's right and what's wrong"

"Like suicide?" she replied smugly.

I paused.

"How's that going by the way? Clearly not very well since you're still breathing"

I gritted my teeth, balling my hands into fists angrily. I brought my face close to hers, "Fuck you" I practically snarled.

"I think I can see the real you coming out" she grinned, "We are alike"

"I'm nothing like you" I repeated.

"Would you rather be like Hikaru?"

"Move out of the way" I said, "I don't have time for this bullshit"

"Then I guess I'll just have to catch you later then"

I sighed and took a step back, "What exactly do you need to talk about? Why are you so fucking desperate?"

Benibara crossed her arms over her chest and smirked once more, "I just want to get to know you. You're not like the other residents. You're...unreadable"

"Unreadble?" I scoffed, "I thought you said I was _just like you_?"

"You seem smarter than the others, less naïve. Just like me. But unlike anyone else, you're...a closed book. I can see it in your eyes, so many secrets. And I know you've got a lot to sit on...maybe I could be the one you tell those secrets to"

I couldn't help but laugh, "If I ever decided to tell anyone my secrets, you would be the last person I'd tell"

"I thought you'd say that"

"Then why bother with all of this?" I gestured to the locked door behind her.

"Because" she smiled, "I can make you or break you in this place. And which would you rather? You know what happened to Hikaru Hitachiin because of me, just imagine what I could do to you"

"You've got no power over me" I growled.

_I will not play the victim._

_I will never play the victim._

"It doesn't have to be unpleasant. I just want to be your friend. Who knows? You might like it" she said.

"Get out of the way. Right now" I snapped.

"Or what?" her tone was so toying, so mocking. It made my blood boil.

"Get out of the fucking way" I repeated.

"Hmm" she murmured staring into my eyes, "You know..." she breathed, "You look just like Hikaru right before he snapped. Are you sure you don't have anything wrong with you?"

I tensed my jaw, closing in the gap between us. I leaned in, almost threateningly to her face, "Do you really want to find out" I snarled. I could practically feel my eyes darkening with the tone of my voice. My muscles were tensed and my fists were raised in preperation. I threw my fist towards her, stopping it just before it touched, just to show her I was being deathly serious.

Her face changed then. Scarily so. All smugness, all confidence drained from her expression. She looked at me with such curiousity and hesitance. It only took a few moments before she stepped aside, cowering a little, and allowed me to leave the restroom. I wasted no time in getting away from her, and fleeing down the corridor towards the staircase.

Class was long forgotten about, all I wanted to do was get to my room and lock myself away.

_What the fuck was that? _

I could feel terrified sobs building up in my chest, my heart was beating furiously as I ran past some of the younger residents who weren't in class. Unfortunately, in my efforts to escape, I passed some wardens who took notice of my distress. And they weren't going to let me get away without a chat, especially as they took note of my grey scrubs, knowing that the 17-20's had class, and I wasn't in it. But my feet didn't cooperate with my head, and kept on moving. I ran past them, all the way up to the 17-20's floor and down the corridor to my dorm room.

Once inside, I locked the door, hearing footsteps bounding along the floor outside. I sat with my back against the door, and covered my ears.

What was happening to me? Why did I do that? I threatened her, I'd never threatened anyone before. And if I ever had done, I would pay the price. The footsteps of the wardens stopped behind my closed door. My breathing came in laboured gasps. Here was the punishment. I could almost hear Toru's voice in my head.

_You stupid bitch, what did you think would happen?_

I had to behave, that's what Hana and Toru would tell me. If not, I would be punished. And punishment always always hurt, "Fuck!" I shouted, bringing my knees to my chest.

_You've done it now. _Toru's voice jeered at me.

"Miss Fujioka?" a voice called through the door, "Are you okay?"

"Make it fucking stop!" I shouted, "I'm damaged! I told everyone that! And yet I'm still here!"

"Haruhi" Mr Suoh's voice replied, "Haruhi, it's okay. Open the door"

"I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have done that..." I chanted, "Fuck, fuck!"

I heard the jingling of keys and the door started to rock. I couldn't breath, I threw myself away from the door and cowered beside the bed. My eyes were a blaze and my arms shook violently.

I knew in my mind that Toru wouldn't be behind that door. But somehow, the only person I could see coming through. Was him. With his fists raised and his jaw tensed in fury.

_I will not be the victim again._

I gritted my teeth, "Never again, never again..."

The door opened, and Mr Suoh and Dr Kato, along with three other wardens rushed in. Behind them I could see Tamaki and Kyoya, staring wide eyed into the room.

The first warden lunged at me, trying to control my movements. But all I saw was Toru's face. I swung out and screamed, lashing out my arms to push him away from me. He fell backwards with the force of my shove. I shook violently.

_I'm not the victim._

_You're not the victim. _

"Haruhi!" Kaoru cried, appearing beside Kyoya and Tamaki, "It's okay, no one is here to hurt you"

I looked over at them, my breath was ragged in my throat, and hurt with every rise and fall of my chest.

"Dad" Tamaki spoke to Mr Suoh, "Let me talk to her"

"Tamaki, she needs a Doctor" he replied.

Tamaki ignored him, "Haruhi" he said, "Will you talk to me?"

I stared at him, still flinching away from all the intruders in my room. I nodded slowly. Hesitantly, he approached me.

"We heard what Benio did from one of the second years...it's okay...we understand"

"I shouldn't have done that" I whispered, "I...I shouldn't have done that..."

"She cornered you, and you're vulnerable right now. No one is mad"

"I'm mad" I replied, "I won't be the victim anymore. I won't"

"And you're not a victim Haruhi" he stopped in front of me, parting the ways between me and the wardens, "She shouldn't have done what she did"

"Haruhi" Dr Kato stepped forward, "Do you know where you are?"

"Of course I know where I fucking am" I sobbed back.

"Good. Then you know you're safe don't you? No one is going to hurt you here"

"No" I replied, "I...I need to be punished...I...did something wrong...I shouldn't have done that"

"No one is going to punish you" he spoke softly, "All we want is for you to calm down"

_What the fuck is this?_

_Stop Haruhi. Just fucking stop._

"I can't" I wailed, "What's the matter with you people?! What the fuck?! Just do something! Anything!"

"Look at me" Tamaki said sternly, "You. Are. Safe"

I looked into his eyes as he held me to face him, with each palm placed on either cheek. I blinked stray tears down my face, and suddenly, Toru's face cleared from each and every warden's face. I exhaled in anguish, "Tamaki" I sobbed, "What's wrong with me?"

And I could see from the look in his eyes.

He didn't know either.

* * *

**A/N - Holy moly, two posts in one day! If you haven't seen it already, LionTamer (Lionheart from Hikaru's POV) has been posted on my profile :D SO I hope you'll go and read that and tell me what you think! **

**Please Review/Favourite/Follow! Helps me out a lot! xx**

**\- Yuli xx**


	7. Chapter 7 - The Stranger

**.**

**Let The Wind Blow**

**Chapter 7**

_I'd like to restart it all over with mountains full of gold_  
_ I've been stumbling all over, I'll be stuck in this lonely and_  
_ I'll minimize the evil kind of love destroying_  
_ All the evil kind of thoughts installed_  
_ Settle down my evil start minimize my evil side_

_\- Morphing, Elsiane_

* * *

"How are you feeling today?" Dr Kato asked in a serious and concerning tone.

I shrugged, "Tired"

"How are those sleeping tablets doing?"

Again, I shrugged, "Okay I think"

It was Friday morning, a whole week since I first walked through the doors of Ouran Institute. And four days since my episode with Benibara. After that ordeal, I had been in the constant company of doctors and wardens, hoping to keep it from happening again. Dr Kato immeidiately prescribed me mood stabilisers, anti-depressants and sleeping tablets, and bumped up the number of sessions I would be seeing him per week. He told me it was to be expected, but the severity of my panic attack was concerning nonetheless, and he wanted to keep me under observation until he knew I was stable enough to be more independent.

"Do you think these pills are helping?" I asked.

He nodded, "I've noticed changes, slow and small, but you seem far more willing and responsive now that we've got you on sertraline and the mood stabilisers"

"I don't feel any different"

"Have you still been having urges to kill yourself?"

I paused and bit my lip, "I don't know" I replied honestly, "I guess not, but my feelings on whether I want to continue the way I am still remain"

"You still feel that you can't have a normal life due to your past?"

"Of course I do. It's true. Continuing blindly as if I'm going to achieve what I want is pointless"

"Maybe your life won't be like most other 17 year olds, but nethertheless, you can still achieve happiness with the right guidance"

"That seems like an impossibility right now" I replied curtly.

Dr Kato stared at me for a long moment before writing something down in his notebook. I sighed and relaxed back into the couch.

"I'd like to ask you some questions" he breathed, "I know you struggle with invasive subjects, but it's vital that you cooperate. I need to know more about you in order to help. I know you don't like sharing"

I didn't reply, I just looked at him cautiously.

"I hear that you haven't told any of your friends about what you've been through"

I nodded, "And I don't intend to"

"Why not?"

"No one wants to hear a sad story about a pathetic girl who lived in squalor"

"Everyone has their stories here, all unpleasant. But it helps to let people get close to you, it helps to trust people. I understand that you've become close with a number of your neighbours, including Mr Suoh's son"

"I think Tamaki already knows about me" I sighed, "I don't like how his head is filled with all these horrible thoughts about me"

"What you went through is horrible. There's no denying that. But friends can help, and sharing is the best way to bring people closer" Dr Kato explained. He trailed off and leaned back in his seat. He seemed to be pondering something as he stared at me, "Will you answer the questions I have? Honestly?"

I blinked, "Uh...I don't know" I replied, "It depends what you ask me"

"Well, we'll start simple then" he breathed, composing himself, "Do you mind if I record our sessions from this moment onwards. I had to record our first session to gauge your condition. But it's very important that I can refer back to what you tell me"

"If I say no, you'll do it anyway" I answered bluntly.

"Very well" he sighed. He opened a drawer in his desk and pulled out a small black box, he stood up suddenly and placed it down on the coffee table in front of me before settling himself down on the seat next to where I sat. It was the first time he'd sat anywhere other than his desk in all our sessions. He pressed the red record button and sat back, looking at me. I reeled under his gaze and chewed my lip anxiously. "The other day, in your room, you said the words 'what's the matter with you people? Do something. Anything', what exactly did you mean by that? What is it you wanted us to do?"

I froze, eyeing up the recorder on the table. I held my breath, "I...I don't really know. I guess...the was only one reaction I was expecting...and that reaction didn't come"

"What reaction?"

"Punishment" I breathed quietly.

"You felt that you needed to be punished?"

I nodded, "It was...strange. I kept thinking about how I would never be the victim again. And yet, I almost wanted someone to...punish me...just to break the illusion that I could be the strong person I wanted to be..."

"Back in the apartment. With Hana and Toru. What kind of punishments were you subjected to?" The clincal bluntness of his question made me furrow my eyebrows in confusion. I glanced up at him, and he looked straight back, unblinking as he waited for my answer.

"Toru gave all the punishments" I whispered, "Sometimes he would...give me a slap or punch me a couple of times just to get his point across, and other times...he would punch and kick me until I stopped moving...after a while I got the message"

"The message?"

"I had to behave. To be seen and not heard"

"Was Toru the only one who punished you?" Dr Kato asked.

I nodded, "He was the only one to punish me. But he wasn't the only one to hurt me" my voice had become so quiet it was almost a whisper. I could feel my throat clenching as the words poured out, "His friends enjoyed hurting me...beating me was sometimes the entertainment of the night. Toru and Hana's attitude towards me just encouraged them"

"Would they punch and kick you too?"

I nodded.

Dr Kato hesitated for a moment, "Haruhi...some of these questions I'm going to ask you...are going to be a little more personal. You understand that our sessions are strictly confidential?"

I nodded again.

"Haruhi, did these men do anything else to you? As a form of abuse?"

At that question, my lips locked shut. My arms started to shake and my knees bounced in panic, "I don't want to answer that" I replied shakily.

"Does it bring painful memories to mind?"

"I just don't want to"

"Haruhi" he breathed, "This is confidential. Only I will know and no one else will find out unless you say so. I promise you, everything you say in this room stays in this room"

I closed my eyes, trying to compose my thoughts. But they were all screaming at me, and the barriers around my memories began to go up, "Yes" I croaked, "One of them...Youta" my tone was pathetic, "He...touched me...a lot...but he never..." I trailed off.

"Are you a virgin Haruhi?"

I shuddered, "I am" I replied honestly, "It was only...that night. I knew he was going to take it further...that's what made me run. I...I didn't want that. It's the only innocent thing I have left, the only thing that's still mine...I wasn't going to let that be taken from me too..." I wanted to cry but I couldn't. This was fact, and crying would change nothing.

"Was it only Youta?"

I shook my head, "No. I never knew half their names. But they would drink so much that they couldn't hear me say no. Their...hands...their grubby fucking hands..." my hands clenched into fists on my lap as the anger I had felt before bubbled in my stomach.

"When you saw the wardens the other day, when they came into your room" Dr Kato said softly, "Did you think of Toru, and Youta, and their friends?"

I nodded, "I could only see Toru's face...jeering at me...lunging for me..."

"You know you're safe here? Don't you Haruhi?"

"I...don't know"

"Those men are locked away now. They can't hurt you in here. The only thing that can hurt you is those thoughts and memories. You are strong, and you can push those thoughts from you head with the right help. You understand that don't you?"

I shrugged, "Maybe...I don't know. I don't feel like I have control over my body, over my mind..."

"When you think about trusting others, what feelings do you experience?"

"I don't know" I replied, "Not feelings as such just...my voice in my head...she tells me it's a bad idea"

"It's your voice, it's you. You just need to take a leap of faith, to put your trust in someone comfortable. It will help share the burden of those memories, and it'll help you let go"

"I don't know if I can do that" I breathed sadly, "From birth I had no choice but to trust Hana...and she just hurt me. If I couldn't trust my own mother, then who can I trust?"

"Sometimes in life, we get to choose our family" Dr Kato gave a small smile. Slowly, he leaned forwards and stopped the recording. I sighed and closed my eyes.

* * *

"Haru-chan?" a voice called to me through my locked dorm room. I looked over at it and closed my eyes sadly, "Haru-chan? Can I see you?" it was Honey. Since the ordeal on Monday, I'd been in constant therapy sessions and private classes, away from the other residents. I hadn't seen any of the others much since that day.

I opened the door slowly and glanced out. Honey gave a sad expression, pouting and twiddling his thumbs in front of him as he looked back at me under his long childlike lashes.

"Um" he breathed, "Everyone is playing outside. We miss you"

"I'm sorry Honey-senpai..." I replied, "I'm not really in the mood for playing today"

"But it's sunny" he pouted, "And Kaoru wanted to talk about Hika-chan. He's coming here tomorrow"

"Tomorrow?"

Honey nodded, "Kaoru wanted me to come and get you. I thought I could win you over with playing"

I smiled a little, he was so sweet and pure. I reluctantly agreed, and revelled in his excited reaction. I quickly threw my hair into a ponytail and changed out of my scrubs then threw on a pair of jeans and a tank top before following him down the staircase and out of the building.

I hadn't been outside much since I arrived, but in the hot sunlight, I could see the appeal of just sitting on the grass. Everyone had changed out of their grey scrubs too and into clothes more airy and light. Renge looked so different in her shorts and J-Pop t-shirt as she laid back with her eyes closed.

"There you are" Tamaki greeted as he saw Honey pulling me along behind him. At his annoncement, everyone straightened up and looked my way. I sat down beside Honey and smiled a little sheepishly.

"We were starting to worry" Mori said in his usual tone.

"I'm sorry" I breathed, "Dr Kato has been mithering me all week. I haven't really been left alone"

"That's fine. Dr Kato helps" Renge grinned, "I tried asking about you in my last session with him but he wouldn't tell me anything. But I can tell he's concerned about you"

"I'm doing better" I admitted, "I've been put on all these pills"

"Pills can only do so much, just make sure you talk to Dr Kato as much as you can"

I nodded.

"Still, it's good to see you" Kaoru smiled widely, "It felt weird when you were gone"

"You'd only known me 4 days" I chuckled.

"Yeah, it's weird"

"Kaoru wanted to talk to everyone about Hikaru" Renge breathed, "You haven't really been around for all the talk and preparation"

"He's arriving tomorrow right?" I questioned.

Everyone nodded, "He's being brought up tomorrow at 10" Kaoru explained, "There's not much to fill you in on, it's just that he's...well. You'll see what I mean when he arrives"

"Should we be baracading our doors shut?" Kyoya sighed snidely.

"He's safe. They wouldn't be moving him if he wasn't" Kaoru replied curtly.

"So, what do we call him?" Renge asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, he has SPD. Which means half the time he's Hikaru and half the time he's someone else"

Kaoru hesitated, "Well...he's on stabilisers, so he shouldn't be having any episodes. It's unlikely you'll ever see...the other person"

"What's the 'other person' called?" I asked. Everyone looked at me silently.

"Yasuo" Kaoru replied quietly, the atmosphere around the group suddenly became tense and silent.

I decided not to ask any further questions, in case I said something wrong.

"He's being put into the vacant room next to yours Haruhi" Renge said, "The room on the end of the corridor, opposite Kaoru. Is that okay?"

I shrugged, "As long as he doesn't mind being woken up by my hourly check ups"

"He'll be having the same, so I wouldn't worry" Tamaki said, "It means that both of you are on your trial period together"

"Goody" I breathed.

"I wonder if you'll have the same progression meetings" Renge wondered outloud.

"Progression meeting?" I questioned.

"Every new resident has to check in for a meeting twice a week to share their progress. Since you're the only new resident on the 17-20 floor at the moment, it's included with your sessions with Dr Kato. We don't usually get more than one newbie at a time, but when we do, the progression meetings are usually held together"

"Oh" I replied, "I see"

"Don't look so worried" Kyoya murmured, "It's only half an hour, and all you do is say 'I'm fine' and sign a form"

"Takashi and I had them when we arrived together" Honey beamed, "It's nice. You get to talk to a nice doctor and talk about what you've been doing with friends and stuff"

"That just sounds like a session with Dr Kato..." I breathed.

"It's protocol. You only have to do it until they decide whether or not to keep you in amber" Tamaki said.

"Does that mean they're thinking about moving me to red?" I questioned quietly.

The others hesitated, "No necassarily" Kyoya replied, "They have to see how you progress over the trial period. If you show no change or recovery, then they move you"

"After Monday, I was convinced they'd be sending me there" I spoke softly, "I know that when Hikaru arrived he had...a moment, and they sent him straight there"

"It was different with Hikaru" Kaoru breathed, "His outburst was...severe. Far more severe than yours, and dangerous. They had no choice but to take him away. And I understand that"

"Please can I ask...what exactly did he do?...Benibara said he...flew off the rails..." I trailed off, sensing the weight of my question. But I couldn't help it. I needed to know...

Kaoru ran his hand through his hair roughly, "He uh...he hurt someone...badly" he said, "The resident Benibara manipulated into messing with Hika...he brought out Yasou, and...Yasou gets angry, really really angry. And Hika can't control it. Yasou wouldn't stop hitting the resident until he was pulled away, it took 6 wardens to restrain him. And...I don't think Yasou would have stopped until the resident was dead..."

"...oh" I uttered. I didn't really know how to respond to that. I had no idea it was that bad...

"Hikaru was unpredictable" Kyoya sighed, "And he was dangerous. He needed to be put in the red wing. And Kaoru...you know that too"

Kaoru shrugged, "Yes, I know"

"But he's better now" Renge smiled, trying to change the mood, "And we'll see that tomorrow"

Kaoru's face lit up a little at that, "I saw him earlier today. He's really looking forward to meeting everyone again"

"Does he remember us much? He only knew us for a day" Tamaki said.

"Not really" Kaoru sighed, "But, it's not really possible to make friends in the red wing. You're so secluded and monitored. You don't have communal areas or cafeterias over there. I think he misses the company. Before we came here, he was always the social one, he made friends the easiest. But...it was always he and I"

I smiled to myself. I'd never wanted a sibling before, I would have hated the idea of someone that close to me going through what I went through with Hana. But the idea of having a relationship with someone, as close as Kaoru and Hikaru's, warmed my heart a little. I wished I had that kind of relationship with someone. Maybe in another life I'll be fortunate enough...

As we sat there and spoke, I noticed out of the corner of my eye someone approach. I glanced up to see Benibara and two other girls making their way over to us. My eyes widened and I leaned in closer to Honey, flinching away from them as they got closer. Honey noticed me brush against his side and looked up to see what I saw. He gave a sympathetic look and nudged Tamaki to get his attention.

"Haruhi" Benibara breathed, standing over me with her arms crossed, "I haven't seen you for a few days, did they lock you up?"

"Benio, it's probably best if you go away" Kyoya hissed defensively.

"I'm not talking to you Ootori" she replied bluntly, she didn't look at him as she addressed him, she kept her eyes on me, "You really shouldn't have done what you did. I was willing to help you, to invite you into my group. As I said, I can make you or break you in this place. It seems like you've chosen the latter"

"What do you want?" I questioned, trying my best to keep my tone composed. But I was anxious, I didn't want a repeat of Monday.

"Can we talk somewhere else? Just you and I?"

"That's probably a bad idea" I scoffed.

"Hmm, maybe" she exhaled, "Wouldn't want you threatening me again"

"You threatened me first" I blurted.

"Even so. I doubt you'll be here long enough for me to worry. It won't be long until they've carted you off to the red wing. I hear after tomorrow they'll have a newly vacant room" she smirked, "Maybe once Hikaru's been sent back, you and he could bunk together"

To that, Mori and Kyoya rose to their feet, with expressions on their faces I'd never seen before. Honey was quick to pull on Mori's sleeve, giving him a pleading look. Slowly, he sat back down. But Kyoya remained tense and defensive. I leapt to his side, sensing that something bad would soon happen. His face was angry, so angry. His forehead furrowed and his eyes were dark and glaring, staring daggars at Benibara.

At least she was smart enough to know when to quit. She shrugged, uttering a small laugh at Kyoya's reaction, before walking away with a wink. It took a couple of minutes for everyone to take a long collective sigh.

"Are you okay?" I asked Kyoya.

He blinked, his expression going back to normal. He took a long breath and took off his glasses to rub his eyes. I'd never seen him without his glasses before, without them he looked so much younger, so much more fragile.

"I'm fine" he breathed, "One day that girl is going to push me over the edge"

"I think we're all at that stage" Mori mumbled aloud.

"We should probably keep Hikaru away from her" Kaoru said.

"Agreed" I replied.

We stayed outside until the sun went down. We just about made it to dinner, and quickly grabbed something to eat before everything could be cleared away. The rest of the evening was spent in the communal area of the 17-20 floor, tucked away at our end of the dorm area so we were away from everyone else. As I sat with them, I thought about what Dr Kato had said, about choosing my family, and trusting my friends. I suppose that's what I could call these people, my friends. I'd never had friends before. But the longer I spent with them, the closer I felt and the more comfortable I felt. I still had some reservations about trusting them, but I could see myself staying with them. I could see myself trusting them. One day.

Somehow, we managed to make curfew, and went to our dorm rooms, still chatting to each other as we reached our doorways. With Renge's room to my right, and everyone else's rooms opposite us, we cheekily sat in our open doorways and talked a little more, and when we heard the patrollers coming up the staircase, we would quickly shut the doors and pretend to be asleep. It was funny, and I never found anything funny before.

It didn't take long for Kaoru to start dozing off, swaying in his open doorway with his eyes fluttering shut. So all in agreement, we called it a night.

I caught myself smiling as I settled myself down on the carpet with a pillow. I stared up at the ceiling, thinking about the others. Did this mean that I had friends? I knew that being around them made me happy, and I couldn't remember the last time I felt happy. Perhaps it was the mood stabilisers Dr Kato had been giving me? I glanced up at the nightstand, looking at the three pills that sat there beside a glass of water. One anti-depressant, one mood stabiliser and one sleeping tablet.

I wasn't sure whether to feel happy or anxious about the idea of taking tablets to feel normal. But whatever I felt about it, I certainly felt more...controlled. My talk with Dr Kato was still fresh in my mind though. All the talk about Toru and Youta and those men, the things they did to me, all the punishments...I shuddered. I could still feel the anxiety inside me, and that frightened me. How could I have friends feeling so anxious around them? I never liked groups of people, and yet...I was so confused. I had friends now. I'd never had a friend before. Never.

* * *

I woke with a start, gasping and shooting upright from where I laid. At first I forgot where I was, I thought I was in my wardrobe in the apartment. I swear I heard Toru shouting for me through the slats of the door. I blinked the nightmare from my vision and took a deep breath and wiped the beads of sweat from my forehead.

I had forgotten to take my sleeping tablet. The sleeping tablet stopped me from dreaming. I rubbed the tiredness from my face and pulled myself to my feet and slowly trudged to the bathroom to wash my face. I looked so exhausted in the mirror, there had to be someway I could look less drained all the time. I'd never thought much of my appearance, but after seeing Renge who was the same age as me, I wondered how she always looked so bright and perky without even trying. My hair was so long and grubby looking, I'd never really had a haircut before, only the odd occasions when Hana drank too much and thought it would be funny to just grab it all and snip.

As I was staring blindly at myself, I heard a sudden noise from outside my bedroom door. I walked out of the bathroom to look at my clock on the wall. 3.20am, wardens only did check ups on the hour. I bit my lip in confusion, then another sound came, making me jump.

_Who's wandering around at this time?_

Slowly, I opened my door and peered around the corner towards the stairs. I couldn't see anything at first so I hesitantly walked out. Then I heard the sound again. No one else seemed to be stirring in their rooms, so I guessed no one else was awake. The sound I heard came from the stairwell, I could feel my heart beating furiously as I slowly took steps towards it. Curiousity was leading me by a rope across the floor and the closer I neared, the louder it got.

_Who's out of bed?_

As I looked down the stairwell, I expected to see someone sleep walking or mindlessly wandering around, but to my surprise I saw no one. Nothing but an empty and dark staircase. I tilted my head in confusion.

I sighed, "You're going mad Haruhi" I said quietly to myself. I ran my hand through my hair and turned to walk back to my room, but as I did so I heard the noise again. But this time, I could see exactly what it was.

In the communal alcove next to the unlit fireplace, someone was sat on one of the chairs, kicking the leg of the coffee table. It was too dark to see who it was, but the silhouette suggested it was a man.

_Is it one of the wardens? _

"Uh..." I breathed quietly, "Hello?"

The man didn't reply. But his foot stopped kicking and the noise stopped, so I knew he had heard me. Slowly, I saw him turn his head towards me, but it was so dark I couldn't make out any features. I tried to keep my breathing calm, but I couldn't help but feel fear as this stranger looked my way.

_Remember what Dr Kato said..._

_It's safe here...no one is going to hurt you...it's not Toru..._

I held my breath as the man stood up and walked around the couches. He walked closer and closer, until the shadows cleared from his face and I could finally see him. Confusion was an understatement when I took in his appearance.

"K..Kaoru?" I questioned.

It looked exactly like Kaoru, but...somehow different. This Kaoru was...more rugged, more athletic looking and leaner, his expression was darker and less welcoming than Kaoru's.

I knew, it couldn't be Kaoru. It wasn't Kaoru. I could tell it wasn't him. I didn't want to admit it to myself, but I knew exactly who this man was. It made no sense, but I knew.

"Hikaru?" my voice was quiet, like a whisper.

And in reply, he smiled.

And suddenly, he seemed far less scary.

I could only smile back. And push my anxiety to the back of my head.

_This is bad._

* * *

**A/N- Hi everyone! Me again! I just want to say thank you so so much for all the support you've been giving me the last few days, it's really put such a huge smile on my face with all your kind messages and reviews. I've been through all lot over the last few months, and this community we have going on this profile has really brightened up my mood, so I really want to thank everyone :D**

**Thank you for supporting this story, I'm so pleased people are enjoying it :D**

**Please remember to Review/Favourite/Follow!**

**Lots of love!**

**\- Yuli xx**


	8. Chapter 8 - The Twin

**.**

**Let The Wind Blow**

**Chapter 8**

_Little ghost, you're listening,_  
_ Unlike most you don't miss a thing,_  
_ You see the truth._  
_ I walk the halls invisibly,_  
_ I climb the walls, no one sees me,_  
_ No one but you._

_\- Strange Birds, Birdy_

* * *

No matter how much I wished my eyes were playing tricks on me, I couldn't shake what I saw from my mind. With unruly auburn hair and a mischevious smile, I knew exactly who was standing in front of me.

"Hikaru...what are you doing here?" I asked quietly, becoming conscious of the volume of my voice. I couldn't alert anyone here, it would cause panic.

Hikaru stared at me for a long moment, before replying, "They told me I was being released tomorrow morning, but I just couldn't wait to get out of that place. I needed to see Kaoru"

"But if they find out you broke out of the red wing they won't let you come back here" I breathed urgently.

"I didn't break out" he smirked, "They've been giving me more freedom, they didn't even lock the door to my cell"

"That doesn't mean you can just walk out. It's past curfew and...and you aren't being admitted until tomorrow. You broke the rules, they won't trust you enough to admit you if they catch you" I could feel myself starting to panic. I really didn't want Kaoru to be told in the morning, that his brother wouldn't be coming back. I didn't think anyone could handle that reaction from him, "You need to go back there. You need to be back in your room when they come to retreive you in the morning. Otherwise you'll be stuck there"

Hikaru stared at me questionably for a long moment, tilting his head as if he were studying me, "What's your name?" he asked.

I blinked, "Haruhi" I replied.

It took a second, but slowly, a large smile spread across his face, "Kaoru told me about you. You're the new one?"

"Well...yeah" I said.

He stared at me again intently.

"What is it?" I questioned.

"You're _really _pretty" he breathed quietly.

I raised an eyebrow and took a step back in reaction to the forwardness of his remark.

_He thinks I'm pretty?_

"Sorry" Hikaru chuckled, "I haven't seen a pretty girl in a while"

"Oh...okay" I stammered, taken aback slightly. His attitude and behaviour confused me. He wasn't anything like what I expected, "It worries me how calm you are right now. You need to get out of here. The wardens will be up to do check ups soon. They can't see you"

"I just want to see Kaoru" he pouted.

"No. You need to go back to your room" I hissed, "If they don't find you there then they won't admit you into the amber wing at all. Don't you understand that?"

Hikaru's expression fell as he chewed his lip, "I guess..." he replied, "But you really don't get how difficult it was to get out in the first place. I mean, I had to steal theses keys to get out of the fron door and everything" he held up his hand. The link of a keyring hung from his forefinger, attached were 4 seperate keys.

My eyes widened in horror and my mouth dropped open, "Oh god Hikaru" I croaked, "You stole those?"

"How else was I suppose to get out the front door?"

"You're insane" I murmured, covering my face.

Hikaru laughed, "We're in an insane asylum. That's hardly an insult here"

"Hikaru" I breathed, "Go back to your room. Please. Kaoru will be heartbroken if you're not able to move here"

Hikaru sighed and glanced over his shoulder towards the corridor of dorm rooms. His eyes fell upon Kaoru's, "Okay" he replied reluctantly, "I just...I hate it in there. And the moment they told me I was leaving...I couldn't wait"

"Once you get back, it'll only be a few hours until you get to leave"

Hikaru gave a small smile and gazed at me again. His eyes were so sad looking and innocent. Such a contrast from the boystrous and confident way he spoke. I could see how much it hurt him to be away from Kaoru. With everything I had heard about this boy, I had expected to feel nothing but danger and fear in his prescence. But alas, I felt...comfortable. Strangely so. Maybe it was because he looked so much like Kaoru.

As he and I watched each other, figuring out one another. In the distance, the sound of footsteps broke through our individual reveries. Our looks of terror mirrored each others.

As the footfalls touched down on the staircase, Hikaru grabbed hold of my wrist and pulled me aside and down the far corridor to the right of the stairs, down towards the other dorms where I'd had no reason to go before. He pulled me along behind him and hid us around the corner, so we could see as a warden walked up and down towards mine and the other's rooms, his flashlight swinging in hand.

"Shit" I whispered, "I'm not in my room. Dr Kato's going to kill me"

"Nevermind about that" Hikaru replied. He pulled on my hand and walked us towards the staircase as the warden walked into Renge's room for her check up. Once he'd disappeared into the room, Hikaru started into a run and pulled me along behind him down the stairs.

"Where are we going?!" I hissed.

"I'm not entirely sure" he chuckled back, "I need to get back to the red wing"

"Well I don't!"

"Do you really want to come face to face with that warden?"

"I'd rather take my chances!"

"Shush pretty girl"

We reached the bottom floor, and stealthily made our way round each corner with our eyes peeled for patroling wardens.

"What do you expect me to do once you've gotten back to your room?" I whispered.

"Walk around in a daze. Pretend you were sleepwalking. That's what Kaoru used to do" Hikaru replied.

"Kaoru has narcolepsy. Sleepwalking is believable with him"

"Everyone has sleep problems here" he laughed.

I rolled my eyes at him in the darkness, he looked back with a cheeky smile. Something told me he was enjoying this element of mischief and the sneaking around in the darkness. I noticed he still had grip on my hand as we walked through the shadowed, echoing hallways towards the main exit. A couple of times we had to hide down alcoves and behind walls when we saw some wardens walking around. Eventually we made it to the double doors, they were slightly open. From when Hikaru entered I assumed.

"Are you going to make a run for it? I whispered.

He nodded, "Yeah. Then when I'm inside I'll put the keys back where I found them" he jiggled the keys at me and winked.

"Shhh they'll hear"

"This was fun Haruhi" Hikaru beamed, "We should do it again sometime"

I scoffed, "No thanks"

"You'll change your mind" he winked again, "See you tomorrow, pretty girl"

I scowled as he pushed through the doors and ran off across the courtyard, avoiding the shine of the yard lights until he disappeared towards the red wing.

* * *

"Haruhi" Dr Kato sighed from his desk, his tone was one of disappointment. He tapped his pen as he looked over at me. It was 9 in the morning. And after the night before, I had been called in for an emergency session. When I made my way back to my dorm room, I thought I had made it back scottfree. But unfortunately that wasn't the case. The warden had gone into my room for my check up, and found my bed empty and sounded the alarm.

There were several wardens outside my room door, joined by the curious eyes of my neighbours who looked relieved when they saw me walk into view. I told them Hikaru's lie, that I was sleepwalking. They seemed to believe me and made sure I was put to bed. But I had a feeling one of the wardens remained sat in the floor's social alcove for the remainder of the night.

"I was sleepwalking" I said in reply to Dr Kato, I must have said that to him so many times that morning.

"Haruhi, I know you weren't sleepwalking"

"Yes I was" I lied, "You know I have sleep problems"

"Haruhi, you have acute insomnia. And I know you didn't take your sleeping tablet last night" Dr Kato sighed, "So, what were you really doing?"

I glared at him and crossed my arms, I didn't reply.

Dr Kato sighed, "I really thought we were getting somewhere. If you just wanted to wander around you can tell me. You wouldn't be the first"

Again, I said nothing. I just looked down at my hands in my lap.

Eventually, after some more interogation, I was given my daily pills and allowed to leave. I grumbled to myself as I met Renge beside the office door.

"You don't look happy" she chuckled.

I shrugged, "It's nothing"

We walked up to the 3rd floor where everyone else sat in the social alcove by the bookshelves and the unlit fireplace. As I walked into view everyone chuckled together and impersonated a sleepwalker, with their arms out-stretched and their eyes closed. I rolled my eyes and laughed back.

"How was Dr Kato?" Kaoru asked with a chuckle.

"Fine I guess" I replied. Kaoru's smile was so wide it looked almost comical. Looking at him made my stomach tie up in knots, he and his brother looked so alike. I thought of Hikaru and the night before as I stared at him. He would be arriving any minute now. I hoped he made it back to his room without being caught, "So..." I breathed, "When does Hikaru arrive?"

Kaoru's grin became impossibly wider, "Mr Suoh just went to get him, he's being shown around at the moment. But he's here!"

_He's here. Good. He didn't get caught. _

"Kaoru has been awake since 5" Tamaki chuckled.

"I'm just so excited!" Kaoru beamed.

"Have you seen him yet?" I asked.

Everyone shook their heads, "You're sure he's not dangerous right?" Kyoya questioned, looking at Kaoru. Kyoya always seemed so worried about that. It made me curious.

"He'll be fine. We need to welcome him in as if he were any other resident" I said, "Have some faith"

Renge looked at me questionably, "You've changed your tune" she commented.

I bit my lip, "Yes well...he and I are both new here. I want him to be treated the same way you treat me. He's been through a lot..."

"Thank you Haruhi" Kaoru smiled at me. I could only smile back as I kept thinking about Hikaru and the night before.

It was the longest half an hour as we waited patiently the hear the sound of Hikaru and Mr Suoh's footsteps coming up the staircase. As we sat there we listened carefully, and spoke quietly amongst ourselves. When the footfalls finally arrived, we all fell silent and stared at the stairs, until the tops of two heads rose into view.

I tried to disguise my gasp as Hikaru and Mr Suoh approached us. In the darkness that night, I could see the resembalance between Kaoru and he. But in the light, they were identical. Aside from Hikaru's slightly leaner build, they were the same person. Hikaru's eyes locked with mine, and a playful smirk touched his lips.

The smirk grew into a grin when Koaru leapt up from his seat and ran into his brother's arms.

"Hika!" he choked, clinging onto him desperately. Hikaru squeezed him back. Their exchange was so emotional that Renge let out a quiet 'awww'.

"I suppose I'm no longer needed" Mr Suoh chuckled, "Tamaki, could I have a quiet word with you quickly"

Tamaki nodded and walked over to him, patting Kaoru on the back comfortingly as he passed. They walked back down the stairs where Hikaru and Mr Suoh had first emerged, and left the rest of us there to greet the new resident.

"This is so sweet!" Renge squealed in elation.

The twins laughed to themselves and parted from their hug before seating themselves down among the rest of us. I tried to stay quiet as they became comfortable. Their closeness was so sweet, it made me smile a little as I watched them together.

"Hika, you remember everyone don't you?" Koaru smiled.

Hikaru glanced at everyone with a grin, "Kyoya...Takashi...Mitsukuni...Renge, and..." he pointed to everyone as he said their names, when his finger landed on me, he grinned, "Pretty girl"

Everyone chuckled as a deep blush heated my face, "This is Haruhi, I told you about her" Koaru beamed.

_He knows Kaoru, we already met..._

"And uh...Takashi and Mitsukuni prefer to be called Mori and Honey" I cleared my throat as I tried to disguise my reddened cheeks, and averted the conversation away from me.

Hikaru smirked his mischevious smirk at me once more before looking back at his brother, "So where's my room?" he asked.

Kaoru grinned, "I'll show you" he replied. He rose to his feet and latched onto Hikaru's hand. They then walked over to our dorm rooms, and stopped at the empty one beside mine.

"He's nothing like how I remember" Kyoya remarked.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"When Hika-chan first arrived, he was scary and quiet" Honey pouted, "He was all shakey"

"Yeah" Renge breathed, "He seems far more...confident"

"Maybe he really had changed" Kyoya replied.

"I guess there was no need for anyone to worry" I said, following the twins with my gaze, "They're so...close"

"They've always been two peas in a pod" Renge replied, "You could never have one without the other"

I smiled a little. Kaoru looked so happy with his brother back, even his yawning had stopped. At that moment, Tamaki reappeared up the stairs and walked over to us. He greeted us once more with a smile.

"Haruhi" he breathed, "Dad wants you to know that if you have any concerns over Hikaru, you can talk to him or Dr Kato about it...okay?"

I raised an eyebrow, "I have no concerns"

"What's pretty girl not concerned about?" Hikaru's voice made me jump. I turned around to see him crouching down beside my seat.

"Pretty girl?" Tamaki questioned.

"Isn't she just?" Hikaru winked.

_There it is again. _I thought, as my cheeks started to warm up.

"Stop it, you're embarrassing her" Kaoru chuckled. Hikaru remained sat at my side, even as Kaoru moved back to his own chair. I wondered what exactly Mr Suoh expected me to be concerned about. Hikaru seemed...normal. A little arrogant and reckless, but other than that he seemed far more normal than anyone else I'd met. Thusfar I hadn't noticed any sign of his SPD, or any anger. What really was there to be concerned about?

* * *

The remainder of the morning was spent talking with Hikaru. Hearing about who his doctor would be and helping him settle into his room. He was really friendly, and spoke to everyone as if he had known them for years. There were noticable moments where he would go silent and daydream to himself, but he would always shake himself out of it with a smile. He seemed to be settling in well, he was comfortable around everyone he met, his smile was always big and toothy and he was fascinated by everything in the amber wing to such an over the top extent.

As the clock turned 12, I could feel a wave of concern rush through my body. I had to admit, I was hesitant about lunchtime. Over the week, I had been able to avoid Benibara and her hateful glare. But now I was more worried about Hikaru running into her. I knew about what happened between them. I couldn't help but worry about that occurance repeating itself, and you could see it in Kaoru's eyes that he was worried about the same. Hikaru however seemed fine, and wanted nothing more than a decent meal. It were as if he'd completely forgotten about what happened before he got sent to the red wing.

"Do you think she'll be in there?" I whispered to Renge, "Hikaru seems to be coping fine so far, I don't want her stirring things up"

Renge shrugged and bit her lip, "Chances are, she will be in there. But with the wardens keeping an eye out, hopefully she won't do anything stupid"

"I hope so. Hikaru seems so happy"

Renge smirked but didn't say anything. We followed the others down the corridor and into the cafeteria - the sound hit our senses before anything else, as the room was full with residents talking loudly. And on a Saturday, that was always the case. Our usual table in the corner was still empty, and waiting for us. But as we crossed the threshhold of the canteen, the noise dulled and all eyes touched Hikaru as he followed in behind Tamaki and Kaoru. Many of the residents who looked at him looked almost...frightened. Their eyes grew wide and their bodies tensed in fear as they watched him pass. I couldn't help but gulp as the rest of us made our way to the table and sat down. It took a while before the room filled with chatter once more.

"What was that about?" I whispered to Kyoya who sat beside me.

"A lot of these residents watched Hikaru beat the shit out of another boy. It's understandable that they be a little scared of him" he replied quietly.

"I...suppose"

It was only then, surrounded by so many other people, did Hikaru fall silent and anxious. It was the first time I had seen him look anything other than confident and arrogant. I watched him from across the table, as his eyes flickered from seat to seat where the other residents watched him wearily. As I followed his gaze, I noticed that there were more wardens than usual in the cafeteria today, and all of them had their eyes on our table, watching Hikaru and every move he made. I knew why they watched him, and it annoyed me that they seemed to be waiting for him to snap. But at the same time, a small feeling of relief washed over me. At least Benibara would make no attempt to talk to us with so many patrollers staring at us. I guessed that was a blessing in disguise.

At least Hikaru seemed to calm a little as the minutes passed and the canteen began emptying somewhat. Soon enough he was talking and smiling again as if he were surrounded by family. Kaoru stared at him in awe beside him, like he was scared his brother would vanish if he took his eyes off of him.

The reactions Hikaru got from everyone else was almost concerning. I didn't really think about what it must have looked like when Hikaru snapped. But now that I saw the fear in the resident's eyes, it made me manifest some horrific thoughts.

_Was he really that bad? _I thought to myself as I walked with the others back to the top floor. Hikaru seemed unphased by the looks he recieved. Although it wasn't surprising, as Kaoru had explained that Hikaru could remember nothing of the attack. If anything, to him it were as if it never happened. I supposed in a way, that was a good thing.

We returned to the social area of the 17-20 floor and sat together and talked. The other residents who lived on this floor scurried past us when they saw Hikaru, so our gathering went undisturbed. Hikaru didn't seem to notice that people were avoiding him, it made me slightly sad seeing so many people avoiding him out of fear. He was so...nice. There was nothing to be frightened of. I watched him as he spoke to everyone, talking about how happy he was to be out of the red wing, and reminicing about the past with his brother. I sat back in my seat and pretended to listen. But really I was lost in my own thoughts. Thinking about the night before, him breaking out of his cell, running here. Something told me that Hikaru wasn't showing his true colours yet.

* * *

I tiptoed out of my room, looking left and right to be sure no one was watching me as I slowly closed the door behind me. It was dark in the hallway, and the only sound to be heard was quiet snoring from the dorm rooms. It was midnight, and everyone was in bed. The warden had just left after his check up and wouldn't be back for another hour.

I couldn't sleep, I had too much on my mind. Too much I needed to know. I walked quietly to the dorm room to my left. Where Hikaru was shut inside. I wondered what it must feel like to him, sleeping in a regular bedroom when he'd spent so long in the red wing. I stopped outside the door and knocked hesitantly and quietly, hoping for some sort of response. Barely a second had passed before the door creeped open and Hikaru's tired face appeared in front of me. He smiled a little, his eyes looked so heavy.

"Did I wake you?" I whispered.

He shook his head, "Are you okay?"

"I need to talk to you" I replied.

Hikaru smiled a little wider. He leaned out and looked down the hallway. When he knew the coast was clear, he opened the door to me and welcomed me inside. The room was bare, and the bed was still made fresh from the morning, which told me that Hikaru hadn't been in it yet. He walked over to his desk and gestured to the chair, inviting me to sit down. I did as he suggested as he perched on the edge of the bed, crinkling the crisp sheets.

"Hikaru..." I breathed, "Did you...get back to your room last night okay?"

He nodded, "Ironically it's harder to break into that place than break out" he laughed a little and leaned back against the wall.

"I need to ask" I said, "Why did you do it? Surely you knew it would risk your chances of coming here"

Hikaru stared at me for a while, before shrugging, "I don't really know"

"You don't know?"

He shrugged again, "Sometimes I do things without thinking. All I know is that I needed to see Kaoru"

"But...you could have been caught"

"But I wasn't"

I sighed and turned to face the desk. I leaned back in the chair and ran my fingers through my hair, "How do you think your first day went?" I asked.

I heard a smile in his voice, "It's...weird being back here, but I'm happy. It feels easier now than it did last time"

"Were you bothered by the other residents?"

He hesitated, "They didn't bother me, no"

"Didn't you notice their reactions to you?"

"Of course I did, but they're entitled to their own judgements"

"Do you recognise any of them...?"

He sighed behind me, "Not really, but they must remember me"

I bit my lip as an uncomfortable and surreal haze overcame me. I shook off the lightheadedness before turning back to face him, he looked so...reserved and distant, "Do you...remember what you did? When you first arrived here...when..._it _happened?"

At the utterance of my question, he peered up at me, with curious eyes. His lips were tensed in a straight line as he gathered his words in his head. It took a few moments for him to reply, "Not really, no" he breathed, "I only know what I was told"

I chewed my lip again, "Why did you do it?"

"I didn't" he exhaled.

"You didn't?" I questioned.

"No. It was Yasuo, not me"

I blinked. Yasuo was his other personality, the angry one, "What's...Yasuo like?"

Hikaru stared at me for a long moment, his mouth closed shut. He stood up and approached me, he stopped right in front of me and kneeled down so we were close to eye level, "You don't want to know" he replied, "I hope you never meet him"

"When was the last time he...showed himself?"

He didn't answer that, he just sighed, "My medication keeps him at bay"

"If...Yasuo is a part of you. Shouldn't that mean...that I should meet him?"

_Shut up Haruhi, you can't say that._

His face changed then. He looked so confused, like I'd just slapped him in the face, "I'm not going to let you meet him. He's not safe"

"He's just a different personality. He may be angry sometimes, but he's still you"

"He is not me!" Hikaru snapped.

The second those words left his mouth, my eyes shot open wide, and in fear.

_I told you, you can't say these things. _

_I need to know._

_No, you don't._

"I...I'm sorry" my voice was so quiet and shaky. I locked eyes with Hikaru, noticing the darkening of his iris' for a moment I saw a flicker or something else, something sinister, right behind his eyes...but with an exhale, he relaxed and it disappeared.

"No, don't be sorry" he breathed, "I'm just tired"

"Do you want me to go?"

"No" he replied, "It's...it's been a while since I've been able to talk to someone normal"

I scoffed, "Normal? You think I'm normal?"

"You know what I mean" he smirked, "So...what are _you _in for?"

I shrugged, "Haven't you already heard?"

He tilted his head, showing me that he was waiting for my reply.

I sighed, something about the way he was with me...and the way he spoke to me...it made me feel so calm. More calm than I had been in a while. Once more I remembered what Dr Kato said about trusting friends, when I looked at Hikaru, I felt like I wasn't alone. He had struggles, and he had been through hell. I knew that everyone else had struggled and had problems, but there was something so different about Hikaru. Something about him was just so...trusting.

"I uh...I was brought here by a police officer..." I breathed quietly, "He..found me on a bridge, in the middle of the night. I was going to jump. I just...I couldn't do it anymore, I didn't want to...be here anymore. He pulled me back over the railing and took me away. Then he brought me here. I had no where else to go"

Hikaru's expression changed, it was almost...sad, but also curious, "You tried to kill yourself?"

I nodded.

"I heard about your depression, and your urges...but I didn't know about your actual...suicide attempt. Kaoru never told me"

I looked down at my hands, "That's because I haven't told anyone"

"Can I ask...why were you on that bridge?" he asked so quietly, his voice was almost a whisper. He was still crouched down in front of me, his closeness was comforting.

_You can't trust people Haruhi. Everyone you've ever trusted has hurt you. Don't play into it again._

_I think I can trust him._

_No, you can't. He'll hurt you. You know he's dangerous. _

_He's not like Toru._

_He could be. He's capable of being just like Toru. Hikaru nearly killed someone. He's dangerous._

"I..." I trailed off. My thoughts were toying with me, making me unsure. I stared at Hikaru, watching his reactions. His expression was so soft and gentle. I still couldn't see an ounce of danger in him.

_I can trust Hikaru. He isn't the dangerous one._

_Don't be naïve. _

"I don't think...I can tell you" I whispered.

"Why not?"

"I just...I can't" I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, my throat was going dry. I wanted to tell him, but something in my head was stopping me from getting the words out.

"Haruhi" he breathed. He reached his hand out and laid it on top of mine. I froze under his touch but I didn't move. After a second or so, I felt a single finger hook my chin, and my gaze was tilted upwards so I could look into Hikaru's trusting brown eyes. "In a place like this...you need all the friends you can get. You need to put your trust in someone, and I know with me, your trust will be safe"

_Don't you dare Haruhi._

"I...I had to leave my house" my voice croaked, "I couldn't deal with it anymore, and I couldn't go back. I couldn't face that again. So I ran away. And I knew there was only one thing I could do to finally free myself" as the words left my lips, I could feel a weight being lifted from my shoulders, "I couldn't go back to my mother, or her boyfriend, or his friends. Eventually they would have ended up killing me anyway. I just wanted it to be my choice, on my terms..."

Hikaru's grip on my hand became tighter, and his expression became sadder.

"Why would you want to leave your mother?" he asked.

"She wasn't much of a mother" I replied, "She let her boyfriend and his friends do whatever they wanted to me" I blinked, allowing the first tear I'd been able to produce in weeks roll down my cheek, "She let them beat me, hurt me...touch me. She wasn't my mother. She was a monster. And so were the rest of them. They stole everything from me. They made me into this useless and empty being with nothing left to live for. What choice did I have other than suicide? I'm sure anyone who had seen and experienced what I had been through would have come to the same decision. I don't have any life left in me..."

Hikaru didn't say anything in reply. My voice trailed off and mixed with the silence of the room. Hikaru's jaw tensed and his saddened eyes flickered into darkness. He wiped the tear from my cheek and left his palm lingering there as he stared at me. There was something hidden in his expression that I couldn't read, it was something unfamiliar and I didn't recognise it in his face. His eyes were wide and unblinking, whatever was hiding, it was behind those shadowed brown iris'.

We only spoke a little more after that, as I had to be back in my room for the next check up. Hikaru was less responsive after I opened up to him. It made me almost regret saying anything. I didn't want to hurt or upset him, and the flip of his mood made me anxious. I went back to my dorm just before 1am, and shut myself inside and laid back down on the floor with my pillow and blanket. My bed was still made as I hadn't spent a single night sleeping in it. It made me wonder about Hikaru and his ready made bed. Maybe he wasn't sleeping either.

I took my sleeping tablet just as the warden came in to check up on me. I heard him go into Renge's room, and Hikaru's, before leaving again.

I started feeling hazy and sleepy after a few minutes, and my mind became engulfed with clouds and fog as my eyes grew heavy.

I went to sleep slowly, and drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

And in the distance of my dark sleep, I could faintly hear the sound of crashing and grunting, coming from the other side of my wall.

Before I finally drifted into the shadows, and my body shut down in exhaustion.

* * *

**A/N - I'm soooooo sorry about the delay of this one. Had a serious case of writer's block recently, also been pretty busy as I've had my birthday and been seeing family etc. But hopefully I can give myself a kick up the backside and get back into the routine of uploading!**

**Thank you for the continuing support, you've all been amazing :) **

**Please remember to Review/Favourite/Follow :) Reviews have been pushing me along recently! Hearing someone enjoying my stories inspires me and I love that people are reading and want to see more :)**

**Hope you like this chapter! :D**

**\- Yuli xxx**


	9. Chapter 9 - The Breakdown

**.**

**Let The Wind Blow**

**Chapter 9**

_But gazing still at the ground_  
_More alone than I was then_  
_I have searched your eyes_  
_But they dont comprehend_  
_I crawl back into the shadows of my heart_  
_And just sit there in the dark_  
_Where you dont require the love youll still take_

_\- White Suburban, Skylar Grey_

* * *

I was awoken early the next morning, alerted from my sleep by the sound of talking coming from outside my room. I rubbed the tiredness from my eyes and hugged my robe around me as I walked over to take a look outside. I yawned loudly, blinking myself into consciousness, and slowly reached for the doorknob.

When I opened the door, I saw that everyone was gathered around Tamaki's room, his door was wide open and he and Kyoya stood in the empty doorway. Renge, Kaoru, Mori and Honey had their backs to my room as they huddled and spoke. At the sound of my dorm door clicking open, their eyes all turn to me.

"Haru-chan" Honey pouted sadly.

I raised an eyebrow, everyone looked so...troubled, "Is...everything okay?" I breathed quietly, joining them in their circle. The group exchanged hesitant glances, biting their lips as they tried to gather their words. As I looked at each one of them, I slowly noticed the absence of one person in particular, "Where's Hikaru?" I asked.

Kaoru scratched his neck anxiously, "He's...had a bit of an episode"

"An episode?"

"Last night" Renge breathed, "Hikaru, he...he smashed everything in his room last night. They say he had some sort of...transitional breakdown"

"Transitional breakdown?" I stammered questionably. Was that after I left? Why did he do that? I had sudden flashes of imagery, of Hikaru being taken back to the red wing, being called a danger and sent away. My eyes widened and my heart started to thump in my chest. "Does...does that mean they're sending him away?"

Renge shook her head, "No, some residents have a tough time settling in. They're going to keep an eye on him for the time being so it doesn't happen again"

"Is he okay?" I asked. My heart was beating violently in my chest. What happened to him?

"He will be" Kaoru sighed sadly, "But he doesn't remember what happened"

I blinked, "Does...that mean...Yasao?"

"It doesn't matter what it means. They'll be increasing his medication dosage for now. Whilst they're still working out the cause of his attack"

"Have you seen him?"

Kaoru nodded, "He saw Dr Yoelin this morning, he's in his room right now. We're just...giving him some space"

"Did he say anything?" My breathing was ragged and shaky, "Does he know why he reacted like that?"

"He didn't really say anything...he can't remember doing it" Kaoru repeated.

I bit my lip anxiously, "Do you think I can talk to him?" I asked, "Just to be see if he's okay?"

"Actually, he was asking for you" Tamaki replied.

"He was?" I questioned.

"Yeah, did...you and he see each other last night?" Renge asked.

I hesitated, "Well, yeah. We just spoke for an hour or so..." I trailed off, "Shit...you don't think I caused his breakdown? Do you?"

"Well, what did you talk about?"

I scratched my neck nervously, "Just about him arriving, and what we were in for. Nothing that could have caused him to freak out..."

Although he did seem a little off after I told him about Hana and Toru...then there were the noises I heard as I went to sleep...

"I'll go and talk to him" I spoke quietly. Everyone nodded in agreement as I stepped past them to Hikaru's bedroom door. I stood there hesitantly for a moment before knocking quietly. When he didn't reply, I slowly turned the handle and peered inside the dark room.

"Hik...Hikaru..." I spoke quietly into the dark room. I could just about make out the silhouette of a shadowed figure sitting in the edge of the bed. Slowly, I walked inside and closed the door behind me, I reached for the light switch.

"Don't" Hikaru's voice replied. I froze and looked at him for a long moment, before flicking the switch. Hikaru flinched at the sudden introduction of light. He looked so tired and exhausted, there was a small cut just above his left eyebrow that had been plastered with a white bandaid. He looked at me with dark ringed eyes.

"Hikaru" I sighed, surprised by his appearance, "What happened?"

He didn't reply, he just looked down.

"Hikaru" I repeated. I strode across the room and sat beside him on the bed. If this were anyone else I'd be scared to sit so close, but with Hikaru I felt we were past that stage of hesitance. Hikaru looked at me and stared into my eyes for a long moment, before offering a small false smile as if to reassure me. I sighed and looked around the room. I noticed the mirror on his wall was no longer there, and his wardrobe was now missing a door.

"You know you don't need to look so worried" he said, "I'm fine"

"Fine? What do you mean fine?" I scoffed, "They said you had some...transitional breakdown"

"That's what they say"

"You mean you didn't?"

"Oh no, I brokedown" he chuckled darkly, he raised his hand to his hair and brushed his fingers through it. It was then that I noticed the bandage wrapped around his knuckle.

I gasped and grabbed it, he tensed under my touch, "Hikaru what the fuck?!" I blurted.

"The mirror" he grumbled, "They were picking shards out all night"

"What happened?"

He shrugged, "I...I don't know. I don't remember"

"But...you seemed okay last night" I replied, "What's the last thing you...remember?"

He hesitated, his eyes glazing over as he tried to think hard about my question, "I remember...I was talking to you...and then...I was being held down by wardens, and my head hurt" he breathed.

I bit my lip, "Do you...think it was Yasao?"

Hikaru blinked and looked away from me, he didn't reply, he just nodded slowly.

"Is that usually what happens? You...phase out, and don't remember what happens?"

"Always" he sighed, "Especially at night, when I'm tired. Last night I...remember being angry, I remember hearing him snarl in my head...I remember..." he trailed off, "I don't even remember you leaving the room"

"You don't?"

He shook his head, "He didn't do anything to hurt you did he?"

I blinked. I met Yasao? "No, I...noticed you were a little...quiet but...I didn't think you'd 'changed' into Yasao"

"I...don't remember" he sighed.

"I...thought you said he was subdued?"

Hikaru shrugged and stared at me with a sad look in his eye, "He can only be subdued so much, he's stubborn, he doesn't like being restrained. I'm just glad he only trashed the room and didn't hurt anyone" He ran a hand through his hair again, flinching slightly as his palm brushed past the cut on his forehead, "I have some mood stabilisers now, and a higher dosage of my daily meds, that should cage him. I'm just thankful I'm not being moved back to the red wing, I only just got here, I don't intend on going anywhere"

He looked so defeated, like he'd let us down or something. I bit my lip, not knowing what to say to make it better, and stared at his face that was slowly beginning to morph into a false smile, almost to reassure me rather than himself. Without thinking, I threw myself at him, wrapping my arms around his neck. As soon as I clung onto him, we both froze in fear. I had no idea what I was doing. I didn't hug people, ever. But here I was, after 17 years, I was holding someone against me, willingly. After a couple of shell-shocked seconds, I felt Hikaru's arms snake around my waist, and carefully, he held me closer against him, his face burying into my hair. The room fell silent aside from our nervous heavy breaths.

I couldn't remember the last time I had been so intimately close to someone like this. Whenever someone touched me I would flinch away in fear, or hide myself and wait for the impending abuse. But with Hikaru...I don't know...there was something so comforting and safe about him. I couldn't rationalise the feeling. It was intense and unfamiliar. But here, hugging him, I felt no fear, only confusion. But good confusion.

"Pretty girl" Hikaru hummed quietly, I could hear a small smile in his voice. I blushed furiously and after what felt like forever, we finally parted. I made sure to move away to a more comfortable distance on the bed before looking at him. He smiled widely, and this time it seemed genuine. At least I was able to cheer him up. I offered a smile back and we sat in silence for a few minutes.

* * *

"Are you guys okay?" Kaoru asked on the way downstairs to the courtyard.

"Everything is great, don't worry Kao" Hikaru beamed, ruffling his twin's hair. After our talk that morning, Hikaru seemed to have gone back to being his usual self. His beaming grin greeting each one of our friends, "Hey, where's the boss?" He asked.

"Tamaki? He's with Mr Suoh for the morning. They like spending the weekends together whilst his duties are less urgent" Kaoru replied.

"Do you think they talk about us?" I mumbled, "Like...Tamaki is spying on us and reporting back? Mr Suoh takes him aside for talks quite a lot..."

"That's just how they are, Tama wouldn't do that" Renge said, "Besides, he likes you waaaay too much. He wouldn't talk behind your back like that"

"He likes me?" I furrowed my eyebrows. I heard Kyoya laugh behind me, I turned to him and gave a questioning look, but he didn't reply.

We all walked out into the sun, avoiding glances from a few of the other residents who sat in their group circles - talking and playing cards. We made our way across the grass and found an area far away from everyone else.

"Looks like Nekozawa was allowed leave today" Kyoya commented as he glanced around the courtyard.

"Where did he go?" Renge asked.

He shrugged.

"Probably down into Adachi with his parents" Kaoru replied, "I heard they were taking him to some church retreat for the day or something"

"Church retreat?" I questioned.

"His parents are very religious, they see his illness as something the devil has put inside him, like he's possessed or something" Kaoru answered, "He'll be back this evening, and probably feeling even shittier than he did when he left"

"Sounds rough" I mumbled. I lowered my eyes and sighed, catching a glimpse of Hikaru, who stared at me with sad blank eyes from across the circle. I chewed my lip as I looked back, it were almost as if he had zoned out and was staring mindlessly. But after a second or so, a small smile crept onto his lips and I could tell it was directed at me. I froze, embarrassed that he caught me watching him and gave a hesitant smile in return.

"Are you allowed leave Haruhi?" Renge asked, interrupting mine and Hikaru's prolonged gazing.

I blinked, "Uh..." I stammered, "I...I don't think so..." Honestly, I couldn't remember being told if I was allowed or not. I didn't even know about visitation.

"You are, but only under supervision" Tamaki said, "You'd need family or a guardian to come and take you out"

I blinked and cleared my throat. I noticed Hikaru close his eyes and inhale deeply. Obviously he was remembering what I had told him the night previous. "No luck there then" I muttered.

"Won't your Dad come and take you?" Renge asked.

"My Dad?" I questioned.

"Yeah, that man who brought you in"

"Oh" I nodded, "that wasn't my father, that was...that was a police officer"

As those words left my lips the atmosphere around the circle suddenly became very tense. Obviously they weren't expecting to hear something like that.

"But...wouldn't that mean you're like Kyoya, Mori and I?" Renge asked, "Like...you're technically a...prisoner. So you're not allowed to leave the institute until you're fully cured"

"Haru isn't an inmate" Tamaki breathed.

I exhaled, "No, I'm not"

"Then...why the police officer?" Honey pouted, "Are you in trouble?"

I bit my lip and went quiet. I wasn't sure how much I could explain to them. What would they think of me?

"You know...you can tell us right?" Renge comforted, sensing my hesitance, "we won't judge you if you did something wrong"

"I..." I trailed off, "it's nothing, I mean...you know I tried to kill myself. That was it. The officer found me, that's all there is to it"

Hikaru looked away from me, he was the only one who knew I was lying.

"But...what about your parents?" Honey asked quietly.

"They're not going to come and visit..." I uttered, "There's no chance that I'll be seeing them"

Puzzled stares came in response.

I cleared my throat, "I'll explain it when I'm ready" was all I could think to reply with. Glances were exchanged but no words were spoken, just nods of understanding. Hikaru gave a reassuring smile, I blushed and smiled back.

* * *

Dinner was awkward. So so awkward. The room of residents were far more hushed than usual, and glances from all corners of the cafeteria darted to our table every couple of moments to steal a look at Hikaru sitting with us. It felt like our table was a cage in a zoo, everyone wanted a good look. Obviously word of Hikaru's outburst had spread like wildfire through the institute.

"You guys have your first progession meeting tomorrow, don't you?" Tamaki remarked, taking a delicate bite from his sandwich, "Nervous?"

I scoffed, "That's a stupid question, of course we're nervous"

"And I've hardly done much progressing" Hikaru joked. I shifted in my seat uncomfortably, it surprised me how Hikaru could move on and make light of something serious in the blink of an eye.

"Who's your progression counsellor?" Renge asked.

"Dr Matsuoka" I replied, taking a sip from my coffee mug. I waited for their reply and peered at them from over the rim of my cup, I raised an eyebrow to the concerned stares, "What?"

"Nothing it's just..." Renge breathed, "Dr Matsuoka is...unpleasant"

"Unpleasant?"

"He's mean" Honey pouted, "And he's scary looking"

"Howcome Hikaru and I don't have Dr Kato? I mean, he's both our therapist, if anything is going to know about our progression it's him"

"They need a third party to decide that" Tamaki replied.

"Dr Matsuoka is my therapist" Kyoya grumbled, "Bastard"

"His techniques can be...controvertial. He still believes that labotomy is a highly effective from of mental help"

"Fuck" I blurted.

"Don't worry, he can't labotomise here, it's not allowed. Plus...you know...it's illegal in so many ways. But he's a old fashioned guy, he's the sort that thinks you can scare the illness out of you" Kaoru explained, "Try not to get freaked out too much by him, he can be brutal at times. But that's just to get a reaction from you, he just loves sendng people to isolation"

"Then it's just peachy that I'd be sent to him..." Hikaru sighed.

"They send residents who are at risk, to him. His methods are harsh, but in a weird way they do work" Tamaki said.

"Yay" I grumbled lowering my head.

Good thing I feel like shit today then...

After we moved on from that conversation, I let the others talk amongst themselves. I sat there in silence and ate the rest of my lunch. After a few minutes of finishing I became aware of an approaching resident. I closed my eyes and grit my teeth, recognising the sound of her footsteps. Before she could even get to the table, I lept to my feet and met her a few feet away from the others. I wasn't going to have her talk to Hikaru, there was no way I was going to let that happen. Not over my dead body.

"Leave" I hissed, bringing my face threateningly close to hers. The talking behind me stopped almost the second that word left my lips.

Benio blinked, and smiled, "I just wanted to welcome the new resident. Is that such a crime?"

"You know I'm not going to let you speak to him" I grit my teeth.

"Haruhi?" Renge's voice neared. I held my arm out behind me, signalling her to stop.

I didn't know what was coming over me, but I had this heated, intense feeling running through my blood. After that morning with Hikaru, this new feeling of...imense protection had made it's way through my veins. And I was angry, and there was no way in hell I would let Benio repeat what she did when he first arrived here. There was no way in hell I would see Hikaru go back to the red wing. I heard Renge hesitate a few steps behind me.

"Renge. Sit down. I've got this"

"Yeah firestarter, go sit back down like a good girl" Benio winked at her.

Renge gasped, "Hey, fuck yo-"

"Renge!" I snapped. I turned my head, I could feel my eyes darkening the angrier I became. Her expression was that of shock and perhaps slightly fearful, "Sit back down" I repeated, trying to soften my tone. After a long long moment, she slowly backed off and returned to her seat. Mori met her half way, resting his hands on her shoulders and leading her to her seat. He stayed stood in defence, as if he were ready to jump in any second. The table wasn't smiling and talking anymore, they were all staring at me with concerned and almost scared expressions. Apart from Hikaru, who just looked...angered. I flashed him a look, my eyes softening the second they touched him. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. Kaoru wrapped an arm around his shoulders and spoke quietly to him.

"Good puppy" Benio smirked to Renge. Renge's eyes began to blaze in anger.

"What do you want? I thought I made it clear that you weren't to speak to us anymore" I snapped.

"As I said, I just wanted to greet Hikaru, it's not fair that you all get to keep him to yourself"

"Go away" I practically spat. My heart was beating so hard, it hurt. My skin was crawling with boiling blood.

"Getting angry are we?"

"You know I am"

"That can't be good. An unstable girl like you babysitting an even less stable boy. That can't end well can it?"

I glared at her, I glared at her as if that stare would strike her dead. My chest rose and fell with laboured breaths and the vicious beating of my heard. My whole body was ablaze with angered blood and my eyes were heavy with shadow. I could feel it cursing through me. My fingers twitched at my side, my nails digging into my palms. I tried to blink away the anger, but the thought of Benio getting Hikaru sent back was too much of a panic to ignore.

"Why can't you just leave us the fuck alone?!" I suddenly errupted in Benio's face.

My outburst made her flinch slightly, but her smirk remained, "such a temper" she muttered, "you might want to watch that"

"You might want to back away from me" I snarled. My arms were shaking now, my eyes were watering from unblinking, and my chest was beating at the pace of a racing car and thumped as loudly as one.

"Or what?" Benio smiled. She then took a step closer to me. She was slightly taller than I was, so she looked down on me as if I were a child. Slowly, she raised a finger and prodded me sharply in the shoulder. She chuckled to herself darkly.

Then my vision became restricted by blood red. The hoods of my eyelids lowered as I looked at her finger touching my shirt. A low and unexpected growl came from my chest as I raised my eyes back to hers. They widened as they stared back.

Then I lunged at her, snarling as I did so. She stumbled backwards, but before I could grab her, arms swallowed me from behind.

That was when hell broke loose. Everyone at the table jumped to their feet in my defense as the warden restrained me. I shook uncontrollably in his grip, pulling and shrieking. Even though I knew I was in deep shit, I was still trying to get hold of Benio. The adrenaline was like a drug attacking me, my eyes were so wide they watered. I stomped and flailed my arms, my body was being held off the ground. Everyone in the room stared in terror. I screamed and managed to loosen the wardens grip, I raised my head and hit him in the jaw, he grunted and let me go. It gave me enough time to throw myself at Benio. She fell down on impact as I swung my fist into her face. She didn't look so smug now with her hands held up in defense. It wasn't until then that I realised I was grinning, the outlet of anger was almost pleasurable, like a release of something I had been holding inside me. The more I hit, the more her face morphed, suddenly it was like Toru was lying beneath me, his sickening smile, his piercing eyes that once gazed under my clothes and invaded my body. I couldn't breath, I was so enraged. Toru stared up at me, his usual cocky expression contorted in fear. I loved seeing that look on his face, that look that I had every single day of my life when I was in his care.

It didn't take long before I was pulled off Toru and held back by 3 wardens. They pulled my arms, my back, my legs.

"Fucking let me go!" I shouted, "I want to kill him, let me kill him!"

"Haruhi!" Hikaru called out to me, in fact, it wasn't just Hikaru. They were all calling my name. I looked over at them, and my flailing stopped. The anger flew out of me as quickly as it had come. I blinked away the redness and my blood cooled in my cheeks as cold tears rolled down them. The only thing I could feel now was fear. I looked back at Toru. But only saw Benio, being helped to her feet. Her face was red and bruised. She was struggling to breath and her eyes were wide with so much terror.

Did...I do that?

It was then, with a small, almost invisible smirk touching her swollen lips that I realised something. She hadn't come over to rile Hikaru up. She came over to anger me. This was her whole plan. And I played right into it.

As I stared at her, I felt a sharp pain in my side. I flinched and tried to kick out.

What are you doing to me!?

I saw a syringe pull away from my skin and my vision turned hazy. And quickly, my body began to numb and become heavy. I was too tired to even breathe. It wasn't long until my eyes went black, and the reality of what I had done finally registered in my mind.

Oh no.

* * *

**A/N - Right, I have some explaining to do! **

**Okay, so I really cannot express how sorry I am for the delay on this update. All I can say is that my personal life has been busy busy busy over the last few months and it's been near impossible to sit down and write. After each day I'm just so tired and haven't got the mental energy to write and I seriously apologise. I received some very supportive and concerned messages from some of you guys and I just want to say thank you so much to each and every one of you. I'm trying to get back into the routine of writing again, and there won't be a delay as long as this one ever again, I promise! **

**Anyway, here is Chapter 9, sorry if it seems rushed, but writer's block hit me like a bat out of hell!**

**Love you as always! And sorry sorry sorry again!**

**\- Yuli xxx**


	10. Chapter 10 - The Isolation

**.**

**Let The Wind Blow**

**Chapter 10.**

_Lonely, lonely, little fly_

_You say they pay you no mind_  
_I say there's a better way_  
_You hang yourself in your web_  
_Drawn and quartered out_  
_The more you hurt_  
_The more you heal,_  
_The more you'll figure out_

_\- You Are Not (Lonely), Young Guns_

* * *

_Hikaru POV_

Isolation.

I remember the first time I was put in there. When I first arrived, and Yasao got angry and hurt a kid. Yasao was dragged there by 8 wardens who restrained him as he kicked and snarled in their faces, even the sedative didn't weaken him. I came to my senses about a day later, and I woke up in a blind panic. I had no idea what had happened, it was petrifying. The room was a small box, like a padded cell, and I was cuffed to a hospital bed by my wrists and ankles.

No one explained to me where I was or what had happened until a few hours later. When a nurse came in to feed me like a child. It was scary, humiliating, frustrating and angering. Mr Suoh didn't see me until a day later, where he explained where he would be moving me, and why. I remember freezing and gritting my teeth, trying to hold the angry Yasao back inside my head. I was being taken away from Kaoru, from everyone, and was going to be locked away. Alone. I guessed that was the safest place. Yasao couldn't hurt anyone as long as he and I were locked away.

If I wasn't insane beforehand, that room certainly made me so. Left with only Yasao for company, I could only think of everything I'd done, everything that had been taken away from me – my parents, my brother. Everything was gone, and that isolating lonliness made my head feel as if it were going to burst with anguish. When they finally uncuffed me, I paced the room for what felt like days, wailing and rocking back and forth as the walls felt like they were closing in on me. At one point I was gasping for air as I felt as if the oxygen was being used up. You realise a lot of dark things about yourself when you're left will only your thoughts for company for days on end. And in that room, it's so quiet, and so cold, and so cut off from everything else. It's like you're the only person left in the world.

I strummed my fingers anxiously on the cafeteria table as I came out of my reverie, staring ahead at Tamaki who avoided my eyes. I grit my teeth before finally slamming my palms down loudly. A warden shuffled in the corner of my eye, but made no move towards me as he saw there was no immeidiate problem. Tamaki flinched at my outburst, and the others dropped their plastic knives and forks.

"How can you sit there and eat like nothing has happened?" I snapped angrily, "It's been 2 days and you've done nothing about getting Haruhi out of isolation"

"I told you" he sighed, "I spoke to Dad but it's out of his control, her doctor needs to release her...and a plan has to be made for where she'll be...going..."

"Your father owns this fucking place, if anyone can get her out it's him"

"Hikaru..." Tamaki rubbed his flustered face, he looked too calm for my liking, how could he be so calm when Haruhi was stuck in that place?

"Obviously you've never been sent there" I grumbled, "Well I've been to isolation. And I know how it makes you feel, how mad it can drive you. I don't want Haruhi to spend another second stuck inside that cell. So do something. Or I will"

"Hikaru calm down" Kao comforted beside me.

"I can't, I need to get her out. I'm the reason she's in there. She was defending me"

"If it's anyone's fault it's Benibara's" Kyoya mumbled, "That bitch needs to get what's coming to her"

"Haruhi wouldn't admit why she broke out in rage" Tamaki sighed, "If she had done, her punishment would be far less severe. Provoking new residents like that can be...troublesome. As you know..." his eyes met mine in understanding.

"What if we got Benibara to own up to it?" Renge suggested.

Kyoya scoffed from across the table, "Yeah...because she's likely to agree to that" he said sarcastically, "Do you have any idea how much trouble she would get herself into?"

"Do you have any other ideas?" Renge huffed, "If we don't do something, Haruhi will be sent to the red wing!"

"She's not going to the red wing" I spoke in a venomous tone, "We're not going to let that happen"

"It's not official yet" Tamaki interrupted. Everyone looked at him questionably. He blinked and leaned towards everyone, and lowered the volume of his voice, "Dad is doing all he can to keep her from going to the red wing. He doesn't think she's dangerous, he doesn't want her in there. The problem is the wardens and doctors, if you show any sign of hostile behaviour you are considered a hinderance, and you're transferred. Dr Kato is trying to sort it out to so she can return here...that's why she's still in isolation. There's nowhere else they can send her until a decision is made"

"Do they know about Benibara's part in all this?" Mori spoke up.

"Yes and no" Tamaki replied, "Dad knows, Dr Kato knows, a few of the wardens know, the only problem is that, any sign of violence in this place is seen as the attackers fault. No matter what the cause was"

"But that's fucking ridiculous" Honey suddenly blurted. At that outburst, silence overcame the table, shocked by Honey's first use of the curse word. He blinked sheepishly, "I mean...that's so silly"

"Well as...silly...as that is" Kyoya breathed, "This place is a corrupt cesspit, Benio has gotten away with everything here"

"Isn't it about time she didn't?" I grumbled, "Each second we don't do something, Haruhi is sitting in that room. Maybe even strapped to a hospital bed like a wild animal..." I winced thinking about it, remembering my time in isolation, I could only hope Haruhi was coping better than I had. It seemed as though my remark affected everyone else the same way I had been, as each person flinched and went eerily quiet.

"What do you suggest we do? Go all Jason Bourne and bust her out of there?" Renge said, "You realise we'll all be sent to the red wing, or worse, to an asylum"

"We could get Benibara to admit to causing it?" Kaoru suggested.

"You know that won't happen. She's a sociopath, she doesn't care what happens to Haruhi" Renge replied, "What we need to do is...force her to"

"Force her?" I questioned.

"Yeah like...scare her"

"What do you mean scare her? That'll just make things worse" I ran my hand through my hair. _Scare her eh? That sounds like fun –_ Yasao mumbled in my ear, I could hear the excitement in his voice. I closed my eyes and took a couple of deep breaths.

"I only mean...persuade her...in the only way she'll understand" Renge leaned back in her chair and stared ahead at the cafeteria in it's entirety. She had an expression on her face that told me her plan involved fire.

"Whatever you're thinking. No" Kaoru nudged her playfully.

"I was only thinking about a small fire...not close enough to burn her..."

"No fires" Everyone replied at once.

"We just need to get her to tell Mr Suoh that she deliberately verbally assulted Haruhi, that she approached her with the intend of making her angry" I breathed, "But the problem is, she doesn't see reason and she doesn't understand other people's feelings, so it has to be done in a way that means she gets something out of it"

"Like what?" Honey questioned.

"I don't know if you've noticed Dr Jekyll, but we're in an institute for the mentally insane, it's not like we're given bartering tokens. We're pretty much in prison here. You're lucky to find toothpaste to give her" Kyoya sighed cynically. I glared at him for the use of that awful nickname he'd appointed. Dr Jekyll. But he had a point. What did we have to offer her? What could she want that would be good enough for her to come clean?

"There must be something she wants bad enough" Kaoru spoke up.

"I still think my idea is the best one" I heard Renge grumble.

_I agree with the firestarter –_ Yasao offered his opinion, _I'm sure I could find a way to scare her into breaking the pretty girl out._

_We're not breaking her out._

_Maybe you're not, but I plan to._

_You're not doing anything._

_Watch me._

"Hika?" Kaoru nudged me playfully, pulling me out of my internal conversation with Yasao. I blinked back into reality, "Tamaki just suggested something. It's a good plan"

"And what is that?" I replied, I looked at Tamaki, who stared back nervously.

"Benibara does a lot of bad things around here right, plenty of people have dirt on her. What if we catch her doing something, something bad, and get it on camera. We can show her what we know, tell her that we'll show the evidence to my father and the wardens, if she doesn't do as we ask"

_Blackmail? I like this guy. _

At least it had someone's approval...

"So, we blackmail her?" Renge clarified, "That sounds awesome! Imagine the shit we can dig up"

"Yeah, only problem is, what's bad enough that'll make her agree to what we say?" I replied, "It's not like Benibara has an awful lot of shame. She's not going to care about what we find out"

"Actually" Renge blurted, pointing her hand up, "I might have something"

"What's that?" Kyoya asked.

Renge glanced around, "Not here" she whispered, "It's only rumour, I heard it from one of the other girls in the changing room at the pool...but if it's true, then it'll be just what we need"

"Tell us" I replied, the volume of my voice lowering to the same as hers.

She hesitated for a minute and slowly leaned into the table, everyone did the same.

"Okay, well...Ichico and Kattchi were talking in the changing rooms, and Kattachi has the same doctor as Benibara, Dr. Newsa, and apparently Kattchi arrived early for her appointment with Dr Newsa one day. She knocked on the door and there was no answer, so she slowly opened the door to see if anyone was inside, and she saw Dr Newsa and Benibara...making out and doing...things on the desk..."

"Holy shit" Kyoya replied, "But...Dr Newsa...isn't she married? To a guy?"

"So this is dirt on both of them. We could even blackmail Dr Newsa if we wanted to" Renge grinned manically, looking incredibly proud of herself.

"We won't be blackmailing Dr Newsa, we only need Benibara" I said.

"Although, if she disagrees to our terms, we can go to Dr Newsa, I'm sure she'll make Benibara come forward to save her job...and marriage"

"We just need evidence" Tamaki said.

"That we do" Kyoya sighed, "Anyone know when Benibara's next appointment is?"

To that, everyone's faces went blank.

He sighed again, "Looks like Haruhi will be sitting pretty for a little while longer until we know"

* * *

_Haruhi POV._

_This is fucking bullshit._

_You've really done it now idiot. How do you plan on getting out of this?_

As far as prison cells went, isolation wasn't a farcry away from the cupboard Toru used to lock me in for time out. Although isolation was a hell of a lot bigger, and for that I was feeling pretty relaxed. I paced the room for the 1,000,000th time that day, my palms pushing off the walls once I reached each side. I counted the 4 steps it took to reach one wall to the other over and over and over. Counting, 1...2...3...4, and then mixing it up a bit with a, 4...3...2...1 every so often.

I couldn't remember how long it had been since I had seen another person. My mind flickered to the others and the looks on their faces as I was pulled away in the cafeteria. How shocked and heartbroken they all seemed. I blinked and rested my head back against the wall behind me and sighed. I thought of Hikaru as my eyes fell shut, out of everyone he seemed so...I don't know...frightened? Concerned? The way he looked at me was so intense, like he was willing for my freedom with his gaze. Unfortunately, it didn't work, and he was the last thing I saw before I slipped away into darkness.

When I woke up, I was in here, strapped down to a hospital bed by the wrists and ankles. Like an animal. I screamed and shouted. I cried and begged. But no one could hear me. Eventually, I became exhausted, my throat began to hurt and I ran out of tears to cry. A man in a white coat came in a few hours later, he didn't speak a word to me, just checked up on me and my behaviour. A few more hours later, I was uncuffed and allowed free roam in my tiny cell, probably their sort of joke for 'exercise'.

I wanted to get out of there. I wanted to go back to my friends.

I sighed once more as the sound of clanking metal rattled through the door. I jumped in surprise and stepped back as the cell door opened, and Mr Suoh and Dr Kato greeted me in the doorway. I let out a gasp.

"Miss Haruhi" Mr Suoh offered a small smile, "How are you feeling this morning?"

I shrugged silently.

"Did you get any sleep?" Dr Kato asked.

"When am I being let out of here?" I said, ignoring the men's attempts at small talk, "I'm feeling a lot better now...and I'm missing classes"

The two men exchanged glances. I wasn't stupid, I knew what happens to patients who were sent to isolation during their probation period. As each second went by, it became more and more likely that I would be dragged into the red wing. But I remained hopeful. If anyone deserved to be in the red wing, it's Benibara.

"You can't go back yet Haruhi" Dr Kato said, "Things have to be decided regarding where we go from here"

"What's to decide?" I defended, "If Benibara hadn't provoked me, I wouldn't even be in here"

"Maybe so, but from all anyone could see, you blindly attacked another patient in a fit of rage" Mr Suoh explained, "But...honestly I don't believe you belong in here..."

"Then I can go?"

"No" Dr Kato replied, "You need a thorough evaluation. Then...we need to find a way to...prove that you're safe to be let back into the amber wing"

"However, until that's decided, you can't be kept in isolation" Mr Suoh continued, "And that's why we're here. We need to move you elsewhere until we know where you can be put perminantly"

"What do you mean?"

Dr Kato tried to give an encouraging smile, "For the time being, we are moving you into the red wing, whilst we decide whether you'll be returning to the amber wing or not"

My eyes widened, "Wh...what?"

_The red wing?_

_They're putting me in the red wing?!_

"No" I uttered, "No please, I know what's in there...I don't belong in there"

"It's only temporary Haruhi" Mr Suoh.

"It might not be!" I exclaimed, "I don't belong in there! I want to go back to my friends! Please!"

"You'll need to be evaluated by Dr Matsuoka before any decision can be made" Dr Kato said.

"Why can't you evaluate me!?" I heard about Dr Matsuoka, everyone warned me about him, "Please, I just want to go back to the amber wing with my friends...please! Please Mr Suoh!"

_Please..._

* * *

_Hikaru POV_

I adjusted into my grey sweats and t shirt and stared at myself in the new mirror that now leant against the wall. After Yasao destroyed my last one I didn't trust myself to make it a perminant feature in my room. Every night I would lock it outside my dorm and bring it back in when I needed it. I didn't want a repeat of last time.

I glared at myself, seeing a flicker of a wink from Yasao behind my eyes. Like he was trying to play with me.

_So, what are you going to do about Benibara?_

I sighed, "I don't know yet" I replied aloud.

_You don't want the pretty girl to rot away in that cell do you?_

"Of course I fucking don't" I grumbled, "I'm going to get her out of there"

_And how do you suppose you'll do that? It's been 3 days and no one has put the Dr Newsa plan into motion yet._

"We're doing that today"

_Any thoughts on how?_

"Photos"

_Seen any cameras lying around?_

"Shut up. We know what we're doing"

_Just let me do it. She's been in there for almost 4 days. I'll have pretty girl out of there by this evening. Maybe I can even claim that heroes kiss too..._Yasao chuckled.

"Don't you fucking dare think about Haruhi like that"

_You've thought about it too._

"Get out of my fucking head Yasao" I stepped away from the mirror and grabbed the cup on my bedside with my tablets inside. I took them without hesitation, dry swallowing them.

_You wouldn't have the guts to do anything anyway, _Yasao continued, _You're not good enough for a girl like that. _

I ignored him and ran my hand through my hair roughly. I left the room and made my way down the corridor towards the communal area where everyone else sat.

"Okay" Tamaki breathed as I sat down beside my brother. Kao smiled a little and gave me a comforting one armed hug, "I've spoken to my father. I've asked about Haruhi...and...he's seen her"

"How is she?" I blurted.

Tamaki bit his lip anxiously.

_Doesn't look like good news._

"They...they sent her to Dr Matsuoka yesterday..." Tamaki replied.

"Fuck" Kyoya grunted under his breath, "Why the fuck would your Dad do something as fucking stupid as that? There's no way she's getting out now. Even if we do get Benio to admit what she did"

"That's not true" Tamaki breathed, "Dr Matsuoka always looks for the worst cases, Haruhi isn't like that...trust me"

"Actually, we don't know that" Renge spoke up, "I mean...I love Haruhi and everything...but she doesn't tell us anything. We don't even know why she's in here. And you only know because Mr Suoh told you. She could be in here for something bad...really bad...maybe...maybe she does need to be in the red wing"

"Hey!" I snapped, "No one deserves to be in that fucking wing!"

"You did" Kyoya grumbled.

"What's your problem with me Ootori?" I grit my teeth, "Come out and say it"

"Fine" Kyoya said, rising to his feet to tower over me. I mirrored him and sized him up with a glare, "You're dangerous. You always have been. Haruhi is in that cell because of you"

"Kyoya, come on that's not fair" Tamaki defended, "This is Benibara's fault, not Hikaru's"

"She attacked someone!" Renge choked, standing up too, "I'm sorry but...she knew about the inducation period, she knew that one slip up would send her straight to isolation"

"She's coming back!" Kaoru shouted.

"What if she doesn't?" Renge replied, "She can get the help she needs in there"

"She's not dangerous!" I blurted.

"No one fucking knows why she's here! She could have done something awful to be put in here! I mean, a fucking police officer bought her! She could have-"

"She told me why she's here!" I yelled angrily. The tone of my voice and the volume turned the room silent. Kyoya and Renge backed off. I pinched the bridge of my nose and closed my eyes, "She was isolated in a small apartment with her so-called mother and her step father. She was beaten, neglected, emotionally abused, physically abused, fucking sexually abused. The policeman caught her about to throw herself off a bridge to escape a man who was going to rape her"

The silence continued, and not a single pair of eyes blinked.

"She isn't dangerous. She doesn't need to be in a claustrophobic cell"

"It's a good thing I'm not in there anymore then" A voice sounded from across the room. Everyone span around in shock, staring at the top of the staircase. Stood in white sweat pants and a white t-shirt. Was Haruhi.

But there was something so different about the way she looked.

The main shock was her hair.

It was gone. Chopped off so short, like a boy's cut. Her skin was so pale, and her eyes were bloodshot and heavy. She looked exhausted. Like the life had been drained out of her.

I opened my mouth to speak, but as I did, Dr Matsuoka's face appeared behind her. He whispered something in her ear so no one else could hear his words. Haruhi nodded slightly, before walking forwards, towards her room. We stared at her as she disappeared into the dorm. When the door clicked shut, we stared back at Dr Matsuoka.

"What's...going on?" Tamaki asked quietly.

"I'll be handling her check ups now. She's on induction again from this day until the end of the month. I'm sure she won't disappoint" He offered a sinister smile, then walked back from where he came. His footsteps were the only sound, amongst our heavy breathing.

When they disappeared. We exhanged glances.

No one said a word.

But slowly, we looked over at Haruhi's room. Wondering what the hell was going on.


	11. Chapter 11 - The Admission

**.**

**Let The Wind Blow**

**Chapter 11**

**(Yes, a new chapter is here. Don't be too shocked!)**

I'd been out of isolation for a week now. 7 days it had been since I last saw or spoke to any of the others on the 17-20 ward. And almost 3 weeks since I had been first admitted into Ouran.

When I took that step into the dorm corridor, in my new white scrubs and chopped hair, all my friends looked at me with so much concern. It took all I had to walk right past them with barely a word. I didn't want to talk to them about what had happened, where I was, what was going on now. Matsuoka had made it painfully clear that in order to stay out of isolation and the red wing, I had to go through with our new sessions, and I had to put all the strength I had into doing the things he had asked of me. No distractions.

Kyoya had spoken about Dr Matsuoka before, he told me that his methods were experimental, and morally wrong. And after being in his presence for almost 10 days now, I could confirm that everything Kyoya had said about him was true.

Dr Matsuoka came to see me in isolation. I had all but clawed my eyes out from insanity when he unlocked the door and stepped inside. He told me he saw strength in me, he told me I was intriguing and he wanted to learn more about me. He said he'd never handled a case like mine, and he wanted to explore. He sounded so dark when he spoke to me alone, and yet when Mr Suoh was there he seemed so kind and concerned.

I was released from isolation after 4 days. I agreed to seeing Matsuoka from now on. I would have agreed to anything if it meant leaving that awful place. I felt like an animal at the zoo in there.

When I looked upon the sad and stunned faces of my peers, my chest twinged a little. It had been the first time I had seen a compassionate look from anyone since the day I had been taken away. They looked at me like they genuinely cared, like they had been worried. No one had _ever _looked at me that way before. I could barely bring myself to look at Hikaru. His expression was the worst out of all of them. A mixture between saddness, concern and relief.

I had deliberately avoided them since then. I couldn't face them after all that had been happening. Matsuoka had been forcing me through what he liked to call – 'stripping bare'. Where Dr Kato had sensitively spoken to me, gotten to know me, Matsuoka had forced me into opening up about the deepest, darkest times I had experienced in that apartment. If I refused, he wouldn't let me leave. If I still refused, he threatened to send me back to isolation. I all but threw up when I finally broke and told him about the beatings, the drugs, the alcohol. The times when the men would touch me, the times the men strung me up in handcuffs. He never seemed to show a single sign of empathy. I felt filthy telling him about it all. It were as if he were ripping open wounds that were starting to close, and using the blood as ink for his report. Sometimes it felt like he wanted more, more abuse, more pain, as if it looked better on his clipboard seeing all the problems he could list.

He kept saying he'd never dealt with a patient like me before, he said it over and over. And that seemed to fuel him in his questions. He wanted more unique details, more shocking experiences. He wore my past like a medal on his white doctor's coat, like he had achieved something great by obtaining me.

It was Tuesday, and I hadn't gotten any tutoring since isolation. I felt alone and angry. All I had to fill my day was my sessions with Matsuoka, who insisted on seeing me every single day. 2 sessions a week were monitored by Mr Suoh, and those sessions were my favourite. Matsuoka refrained from asking questions, or bringing up any of the more vicious details. He put on a facade of empathy when someone else was there. I felt safer on those days.

Unfortunately, Tuesdays weren't monitored. So slowly, I walked the short journey to Dr Matsuoka's office. My feet didn't want to take me there, but my head had no choice.

"Good morning Haruhi" He greeted me as I knocked on the door. I closed my eyes and sighed.

"Yeah, sure..." I muttered.

"Cheery as always I see" He chuckled.

"Can't you tell? I'm on a rollercoaster that only goes up" I replied sarcastically, "So, what's on the agenda today Dr Frankenstein? Are you going to check inbetween my toes for cigarette burns today? Or have another hunt around my scalp?" I glared at him and sat in my usual seat in front of the desk. I crossed my arms in defense.

"Still bitter about that then?" Matsuoka asked. I rolled my eyes. On our second session together, he shaved my head. I told him that when I was 6, Toru threw me against a pipe in our bathroom, and it cracked open my skull. Matsuoka wanted a photo of it. And despite my resistance, he cut off all my hair just to find the small scar that had healed up a long 9 years ago.

"No, today we are going to do something a little different. I can't help but think you haven't been entirely honest about some details of your abuse"

"When will you be satisfied with the abuse I've already gone through? Was I not abused enough for your liking?"

"We need to finish the 'stipping bare' process. I can't help if I don't know what's happened"

"I think you're enjoying my pain far too much. What more do you want?"

"Well, why don't we just start" He sighed, "What I plan will come clear soon"

I shrugged and looked down at my feet. As long as this hour ended quickly, I didn't care what he wanted. He'd taken so much of me, a little more would make no difference.

Matsuoka walked behind the desk and turned my attention to the television on the wall. I raised an eyebrow.

"What are we watching" I grumbled sarcastically, "The Lion King?"

"I do admire your dry humour" Matsuoka chuckled, "But no, I have something I think will help bring you...a little more closure to your situation. I understand you didn't go to court when your Mother and her partner were procecuted?"

I shook my head.

"Surely you're a little curious about what they pled? And what they said in defense of their actions?"

"Honestly, I couldn't give a shit" I muttered.

"Would you be interested the hear that your Mother and her partner both pled 'not guilty'? And of the 5 other men who stood trial alongside them, 3 of them pled guilty"

"I'd be more interested if the courthouse blew up and killed them all in a firey blaze" I replied curtly.

Matsuoka chuckled again, but didn't say anything back. He turned his attention to the TV and held up a black remote control towards it. Suddenly the screen flickered on in a white flash. At first I wasn't sure what I was looking at. It was a room, there were people sat in rows of seats, the walls were white and panelled with wood. I furrowed my eyebrows slightly as I stared. The camera panned across and the sound of talking grew in volume before the sound of 3 hard knocks interrupted the chatter. I then knew exactly what I was witnessing, and that was confirmed as soon as I saw Hana's face appear on screen, sat behind a stand, dressed in orange.

"Turn it off" I gritted my teeth, "Why the hell are you showing me this?"

"For closure Miss Fujioka" Matsuoka gave a sinister smile.

"I'm not comfortable" I snapped, "I don't want to watch this"

"I'm your doctor now, I know what's best for you"

"I want to leave" I replied, my breathing becoming ragged. On the screen, Hana looked nothing like the face I had grown up with. She had no make up on, and she looked so old and haggard. I never noticed how black and damaged her teeth were as she spoke. I shook my head furiously, "Please, I don't want to see her, I don't want to hear her"

"Shhh" Matsuoka hissed, "Watch the screen" he turned up the volume so the words of my Mother couldn't be ignored.

"_She was a difficult child" _Hana said,_ "She was impossible. I gave her so much and she was so ungrateful for it, she was the abusive one! Not Toru or I!"_

That's fucking bullshit!

"I don't want to hear this" I repeated, "Turn it off! Turn it off!"

But the video continued, _"So you're saying that your daughter Haruhi was a problem child?" _the lawer interrupted her.

Hana nodded and let out a fake sob,_ "She spoke to me like I was nothing, I gave up everything to have her and she repayed me by ignoring me, calling me names, hiding away from everyone, she skipped school so much, she refused to eat the food I worked to pay for, and Toru who had selflessly volunteered to father her received the same ungratefulness. It was so hard living with her" _Hana released another sob, but no tears fell from her eyes.

That's not fucking true and you know it!

I stood up from the chair and tried to move towards the door, but Matsuoka appeared at my side in an instant and roughly placed his hands on my shoulders, "Sit down" he ordered.

"I don't want to watch this! Why are you making me see this shit? I want Dr Kato, I want to go back to the Amber wing!"

"The only reason you aren't in that padded room right now is because of me. You were released because I arranged it on the condition that you were to be treated by myself from now on. You can always go back and spend the rest of your young life in a locked up building, bars on the windows, with criminal manics as neighbours. Would you prefer that?"

"Why are you doing this?" I whimpered.

"I'm a doctor, I'm trying to help you"

"Dr Kato would never have put me through this shit" I practically spat in his face, "I want to see Mr Suoh. He wouldn't allow this"

"Mr Suoh isn't a doctor. I am. Now sit" He pushed me back into my seat with such force that I was stunned to silence. I stared at him, and for the first time since I'd arrived at Ouran, I felt true fear. I turned my head away from the screen, but Matsuoka roughly placed his hands on my cheeks and turned my head back towards it, forcing me to look. I froze in his grip.

In the time I had missed, Toru had taken the stand. I felt sick seeing his face on the screen. The camera was zoomed in so closely, I could see those piecing eyes that haunted my dreams so up close. I shook my head, trying to make Matsuoka release me, but his grip only became tighter.

"This will make you stronger" He grunted in frustration, "You don't want to be the victim? Then stare into the eyes of the man who abused you. Let anger take over you, not fear"

Tears were falling from my eyes now, I swallowed back the bile in my throat.

"_We have photos taken of the victim the night she was found" _the lawyer stated. The court presented the photos that had been taken of me in the safe house. My face was grey, shaded with purple and red bruising that dominanted 80% of my face. My eyes were bloodshot, my lip was split, and my neck was dotted with fingerprints._ "After running the fingerprints alongside yours, we can confirm that the finger marks around Miss Fujioka's neck belong to you. These marks were also found on her forearms, her ankles and her thighs"_

"_It was self defense" _Toru snapped,_ "Hana told you about how difficult she was! She lashed out at us on a regular basis! We had to restrain her many times to stop her from hurting us! She didn't listen to anything!"_

"_How do you explain the finger marks on her thighs Mr Ochio?" _the lawyer seemed unconvinced by his testimony.

Honestly, I had been so bruised I hadn't even noticed the fresh ones. I stopped keeping track many many years ago. To me, I was born black and blue.

"Please stop this" I choked, trying once more to fight off Matsuoka. He ignored me and held my head in place.

"_Self defense! I told you! Sometimes I had to hold her back when she flipped out! She was crazy! Out of control!" _Toru defended.

"_So what you're saying is that a 17 year old, 5ft 2" female attacked you? And the only way to protect yourself was to fight back? To strike her?" _the lawyer replied.

"_I said nothing about fighting! I never beat her!"_

"_How do you explain these images?"_

"_I didn't do that to her! Try asking Youta or the other guys! They were the ones who saw her the most!" _Toru shouted.

The judge slammed his hammer down loudly and demanded order in the court.

"_What the fuck Toru!?" _Another voice shouted from the courtroom. The camera panned towards the voice. And there he was. Youta. The man that drove me to the bridge. I gasped and closed my eyes, but even in the darkness, I could still see his face.

"That was the man who threatened you wasn't it?" Matsuoka questioned.

"I can't do this, I can't watch this" I pleaded, "Please stop this, I'm begging you"

"_Order! No outbursts in the court!" _The judge shouted.

"_You gave her those buises! Don't blame this all on us!" _Youta continued, _"You told me she was 18 when I tried it on with her! But all along you knew she wasn't! Yeah sure I gave her a kiss here and there, but why don't you tell them about the times you drugged her!"_

I froze in the seat, I could hear my heart beating in my ears. Please, please don't talk about this. Please, anything but this, I'm begging you.

"_One more outbrust and we will have you removed Mr Youta!" _

With that, Youta hesitantly sat down, but his outburst had inspired the lawyer with some more questions.

"_These drugs your friend talks about. What exactly were they?"_

"_I never gave her drugs!"_

"_We found evidence of cocaine, ecstacy and heroine in your home. We also collected enough rohypnol to kill an elephant. So tell me. Why were you in possession of rohypnol?" _

"_Look, I've admitted to the drug use. I used roofies to get some sleep" _Toru answered, _"I never gave them to anyone!" _

"_Bullshit!" _Youta spoke up again, _"You crushed it up in her fucking food!"_

I didn't realise until now that I was shaking. Tears were pouring down my face. "You knew didn't you?" I whispered to Matsuoka, "You knew what he did to me didn't you?" I closed my eyes and gasped against the sobs that tore through me. I shook so violently that my hearing went blank and my vision turned dark.

"If you trusted Dr Kato so much...then why did you tell him you were a virgin?" Matsuoka breathed. He let go of my cheeks and let me coil up in the chair. And I cried like I had never cried before.

…...

It took about an hour for me to finally walk back to the dormitories. I kept my head held downwards so no one could see the puffiness of my eyes. Matsuoka spoke so much of making me stronger, and yet I felt so weak. Even weaker than I'd ever felt before. He'd opened a door I had bolted shut long ago. I had avoided thinking about it for so long that I had forgotten it had even happened. It always felt like it happened to someone else, not me. _Not _me.

I walked past chatting teenagers, but all I could hear were the sounds of my footsteps as I climbed the stairs. I felt cold all over. I just wanted to climb under a blanket and die there.

I got to the top of the staircase. I didn't notice until I saw feet infront of me that I wasn't alone. I looked up in shock and immediately came face to face with Hikaru. It felt like I hadn't seen him in months. I couldn't help but notice subtle changes in the way he looked, his eyes were tired, his hair was a mess, and the way he looked at me was utterly defeating.

"Sorry" I muttered quietly. I moved to step around him, but as I turned he grasped onto my arm. I widened my eyes and stared at him. He didn't say anything, he just dragged me towards his room. I thought about pulling away, about shouting at him, or pushing him. But I had no strength left to fight back, Matsuoka had taken that away from me. Whatever uncomfortable conversation was to follow, it could be no worse than what Matsuoka had exposed me to.

Hikaru walked us into his room, releasing my arm, then closed the door behind him as I stood beside his desk.

"Haruhi" he breathed, in a tone that I could only describe as utterly defeated, "What's going on?"

I didn't respond. I just stood there.

"No one has seen you in weeks. You haven't spoken to anyone, you haven't eaten with us. Renge is going mad, Kao is going mad, Honey is a mess, even Kyoya is sick with worry. I mean...the last we saw of you you were being dragged away by wardens after you attacked Benio. We hear that you've been sent to isolation, we hang back and spend days coming up with a plan to get you out and get Benio sent away. And then you appear. And...you look like this...and Matsuoka is with you..." he trailed off sadly, and his eyes turned from stern to...hopeless...like the look you would expect from a little boy, "I've missed you Haru, I've been battling with Yasou relentlessly since you left, I thought I could control him, but I can't. He misses you and it's driving me mad. You are the one thing he and I agree on, and neither one of us can stop worrying about you"

His sudden outburst had me stunned. I...I didn''t know what to say...

"Hika..." I breathed. I stared back at him, and the room fell silent. "Hika I...I..." I couldn't get the words out. It was all too much to take in. I couldn't hold it anymore. My eyes filled up with tears, and my face contorted in pain. I tried to cover my face to hide my shame, but Hikaru quickly reached out and pulled me against him. I'd never in my life been held like this, I'd never been comforted when I was in pain, it somehow felt safe, "Oh god Hika...everything is so fucking fucked up!"

"What's going on Haru?"

"I was starting to feel safe here...I was starting to feel like...I had a family here, and I thought for a moment that I would get better" I croaked, "It's all so fucked up now"

"Tell me" he replied, "You can still trust me, nothing has changed that"

"He's breaking me Hika"

"Who?"

"Dr Matsuoka" I replied, "He says he'll send me to the red wing if I don't go through with his sessions, but they're destroying me, he's tearing away every part of me that's left" His grey scrubs were dampening under the weight of my tears, but I had no composure left in me. I couldn't think of a single sarcastic quip, or a way to blink away the anugish. All I had left were the open wounds of Toru's abuse and the haunting image of his eyes in that courtroom. "He shaved my head, he threatened me, he shouted at me. And today he...he showed me a video of my Mother and Toru in court, he made me watch it, I begged him to turn it off but he wouldn't. He made me hear their voices, see their faces. He made me listen to them lie about me and call me the problem child. He made me look right into Toru's eyes as they questioned him on the drugs he gave me, the things he did to me...every detail of the abuse, discussed in disgusting detail in front of all those people! Why did they drag it all up! I wanted it to be forgotten, I didn't want anyone to know!"

"Jesus Haru" Hika strained, he hugged me tighter.

"I don't think I can do this. I want to go home but I don't know where home is. I want a family to love me and care for me but I don't have one. I want to feel safe, but I don't know what safe is. I'm so trapped and I can't escape it! I still feel him touching my body, I still see the scars he left, and I can't block him out, I can't wash him away. I want it to end Hikaru, I want it all to end!" I couldn't cap my words, I just let them all spill out. Hikaru was the closest thing I had to family, I don't know how he managed it, but it felt like he was all I had, all I could trust. He was just as screwed up as me, and that was a comfort more than a fear. "Matsuoka has opened up so many doors I wanted to keep shut. I'd healed them in my own way but he's revelling in my pain as he rips open wound by wound and I'm drowning in it"

"It's okay Haru, I'll make it stop I promise. Whatever it takes I'm getting you away from him"

"You can't do that. He's the only reason I'm not in the red wing! Mr Suoh agreed to it. They'll put me in isolation, they'll lock me away. He says I'm not stable enough to be in the amber wing, he's made that clear, I'm only here as an agreement to see him. I'm not safe, I'm a danger"

"Look at me" Hika spoke sternly, he pulled his face back so I could see his face, "You are not a danger. I spent a year in that place. I've seen people who have killed their families, people who shout at the air, _you _are not like them. You belong here with your friends. We want to keep you safe"

"I don't know what's wrong with me" I choked, "Why did this have to happen? Why did Hana let Toru hurt me? Why did she watch him beat me? Why did she sit back and let him rape me, and feel absolutely nothing!? What kind of fucking mother lets their child go through that?!" I let the words flow out. I'd never openly said that word. I'd never outwardly admitted it. But it was said now. I admitted it. And it felt just as dirty to say as it did to think about, "I was her baby, she gave birth to me. Why didn't she love me? What did I do that was so wrong? I was just a baby, if she didn't want me why didn't she just kill me from the start!?"

I could see now that tears were forming in Hikaru's eyes, he blinked them away but they only streamed down his cheeks. He chewed his lip and the flickering shadow in his eyes melted evenly with his hazel iris'.

He took a deep breath and squeezed me tight, "I'm sorry" he whimpered, "I'm sorry you went through that alone. I'm sorry you didn't have a hand to hold or a shoulder to cry on. But you never have to feel that alone again, you hear me? One day we will be discharged from this place, and on that day I am taking you with me. And we will live the life you deserve. You will be safe, and happy, and loved. I swear with every cell in my body that you will never be afraid again. We will find our own family, and you will want for nothing. I promise you that. I give you my word"

I didn't know how to respond to his speech. I'd never heard anything like it before. I'd never been spoken to so softly like that, so sweetly.

I couldn't think of a way to show him how happy his words made me. So I just sunk further into the hug, and allowed myself to be vulnerable. And quickly, I could feel no touch of Toru, only the embrace of my new friend.

**Okay, so there is a million and one things I could say to apologise for the unbelievably long hiatus. I've had a long year of transitions and just honestly haven't had the time. Whenever I could sit at my laptop, it was to do work. And work out weighs pleasure in my time of life. **

**But alas! Here is the next chapter! I haven't given up just yet! I have more time now and more drive to work on these stories, they truly do bring me a lot of happiness and I don't want to let you all down by not uploading. I know how much it sucks to like a story and see that it's not updated. **

**Love you all!**

**(Another note - I'm giving up on LionTamer. I may come back to it in the future, but honestly the writer's block just will not shake off. So instead I'll be starting the sequel to LionHeart instead! I hope this is good news to some!)**

**\- Yuli xxx**


	12. Chapter 12 - The Revelation

**.**

**Let The Wind Blow**

**Chapter 12**

* * *

There was something so eerie about the cafeteria now that I was free the roam the amber wing. Not because of the unfamiliar freedom, because of the sudden new found silence that greeted me as I stepped through the doorway entrance. I hadn't felt like I was welcome to wander amongst the other patients since leaving isolation, I felt like a tiger loose in a town square full of people, completely out of place and utterly unwanted. But after seeing Hikaru again, and hearing him speak to me as if I were...well, normal, I gained a new blaze of confidence. Like I could be free to roam once more, as I had done the weeks before, just like any other resident. But even though this was true, as I made my way down the corridor I could hear talking, laughter, raised voices and general chatter from the other young residents. But as I neared closer and closer, I realised that my form attracted gazes like an industrial magnet. Even residents I didn't recognise stared at me like they feared me. Chatter muted as if one small utterance would result in punishment. Even breathing seemed to stop. For a second my confidence faltered...well, until I saw Benio's friends, practically cowering as if they were trying to avoid my targeting gaze. I had to admit, I felt almost...happy about that. But still, it wasn't entirely pleasant being the centre of everyone's interest.

After a moment or so, chatter began introducing itself again, but no where near as loudly or as cheery as it had previously been. Their voices were hushed and cautious, like they thought I would snap. I suppose that was understandable, the last time I had entered that room I had beaten a sociopath into a bloody pulp.

I ignored the remaining stares I received and looked around the room until my eyes settled on the table where my friends always sat. I paused when I saw Tamaki, Renge, Hikaru and Kaoru all sat down, barely speaking a word. They were glancing around at the sudden quietened room, but they hadn't seemed to have noticed me standing there in the entrance. Although their table was slightly to the side of the door, so they probably wouldn't have seen me even if they had been looking in my direction. I walked over to them, magnetised gazes followed me until I stopped at the empty seat beside Renge. I assumed Mori and Honey would be somewhere close by.

I hadn't spoken to anyone but Hikaru since leaving isolation, I wondered what my reception would be.

"Um" I hesitated, "Hi"

No one answered, to be honest, they all seemed dumbfounded. I sat down in the seat, Renge just gawked at me with her mouth wide open.

"So...what did the crazy girl say to her friends?"

They all blinked silently.

"A joke? Really?" Kaoru grumbled.

"Not really, I'm bad at punch lines...maybe you could finish it for me?"

"You haven't really set up much of an opening line" he replied.

"Would 'sorry' work?" I mumbled.

"I wouldn't call that a punchline"

"As I said, I'm not good at jokes"

"At least your apologies are slightly better"

"I wouldn't say I was too good at them either" I shrugged, "But...I am. Sorry, I mean, really sorry"

"Sorry?! You're sorry?!" Renge snapped. Silence shrouded the room again, and some residents even ran out of the room hoping to escape a possible attack. "You go full, over 9000 crazy and wail into Benibara as if she were nothing but a fucking blow up punch bag, you're dragged away and sedated as you scream 'Let me kill! Let me kill!', you're in isolation for what felt like years, and then you stumble out with a new Justin Beiber hair-do and don't say a word to us! You don't tell us a single fucking thing about you, then explode and show us just how damn dangerous you are and then you saunter over here as if we're bessie mates and nothing happened! No, nuh-uh, sorry won't cut the cake on this one! No way!"

"We forgive you" Tamaki uttered cooly.

"Fucking what?!' Renge burst out, "No we don't! No we seriously don't!" I don't think I'd ever seen her so mad, I guess I could understand her sentence here now, seeing that fire in her eyes, "I can't forgive this. You know you got cut off as my resident buddy here right? And I got put in the cooler after I let you fly off the handle! When we're designated a 'buddy' it's the buddy's responsibility to make sure their 'buddy' doesn't...oh I don't know...try to kill someone! You think I got off scott free for not stopping you? For backing off when you pushed me away?!"

"Renge, I didn't mean for it to happen. Honest. And I especially didn't count on you being punished for it" I tried explaining, "I know sorry isn't much right now, but really I am" I sighed and trailed off. I didn't care what anyone else thought of me here, but for some reason I cared what they thought. They were the first connection I'd ever made on my own before.

Renge stared at me with no fear in her eyes, not even an ounce. Even though her gaze was threatening, I welcomed it. It was nice to see her standing up to me, instead of cowering like the other residents. It meant she still saw something in me, something that didn't frighten her, like she could see that I wasn't that violent girl I presented all those weeks ago.

"I'll forgive you on one condition" she breathed, "But only because I need a buddy to get early release, and currently that position is open. And I serious don't feel like joining another click"

"What's the condition?" I answered.

"I want to know everything" she replied, "Why you're here. What's happening in that head of yours. And why the fuck you felt it was necessary to almost kill someone"

I paused for a moment. A long moment. Probably too long, as she raised an eyebrow sarcastically.

"I doubt you'll want to be my buddy after hearing it"

"Fucking try me" she said in exasperation.

I looked around, still greeted by the ugly stares.

"Not here" I said, "Later"

"Later? Really?"

"Renge don't push her" Tamaki spoke up.

"This doesn't concern you" she snapped, "It's her choice. But I can't be around her if she's a risk. We know everyone's stories in our group. And from what I can tell, Hikaru here is the only one who knows her enough, and he's hardly the model resident here"

"Hey!" Kaoru scowled.

"Leave it" Hika replied to him, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder, he sighed, "Haru, it is your choice. But...I think you should share"

"Hika?" I breathed.

"You can trust us, all of us. You know I understand. Let others understand too"

I glanced back at Renge, "But...what if no one does?"

Renge's expression changed, as if sympathy was extinguishing the flames in her eyes.

"Honestly...I have no idea why I attacked Benio. So I'm not sure what I can tell you" I breathed. "This was a mistake" I uttered under my breath.

"No, you owe us" Renge demanded, "Don't act like you're the only one who's been through bullshit. Yeah, it's pretty shit being in here, I don't know what kind of privilaged home you came from that makes this place seem like hell, but for a lot of us this institute is home and the people in it are family. You can't trust family if they don't trust you. So where is your trust eh? You've been here for what? Just over a month? And we know vertually nothing about you. I don't even know your last name. We were careless but we still allowed you into our family, and you betrayed your family by attacking another resident. You should have told us that you were a danger, or at least warned us so we could help you through it. You don't give us enough credit here, the least you could do is trust us with your past. You owe us that much for opening our arms to you regardless of our own safety"

I had to admit. I was stunned.

She was right. I was being selfish. I came into their family and expected them to accept me. In fact, they did that all on their own, without hesitation. One day 1 Renge opened her arms to me, filled my closet with clothes, introduced me to her friends, let me sit with her and talk to her. She taught me trust and gave me the first sense of love I'd ever felt. And what did I give back? That was a question I honestly couldn't answer. Because I gave back nothing. I offered no support, no kindness, no protection, no trust. I didn't deserve the family she provided.

"Do I...even deserve to be a part of your family?" I whispered.

"Of course you do" Hikaru spoke up.

"No...no Hikaru, I've given nothing to this group...I am...a danger"

"Just...explain to us" Renge breathed, "Please"

"Wouldn't it be easier to tell me to leave? To make new friends?" I said.

There was a heavy pause, and for a moment, I thought they would tell me to get off their table. But they didn't. Tamaki even smiled.

"Tamaki knows, and Hikaru knows, Yet, they haven't run screaming. So obviously you can't be that dangerous. And honestly, you always intrigued me" Renge admitted, "It's just frustrating"

"I suppose I can understand that" I breathed, "But I don't want my past to jade your opinion. I can be better than what my past made me. I didn't want to carry it with me here. And honestly, I didn't think I'd make it this far. I thought I would be gone by now"

"Christ Haruhi" Renge sighed, "Do you hear yourself?"

I lowered my eyes.

"I was commited here after setting fire to my ex boyfriend's house. I stalked him for 3 months after I saw him with another girl, I sent letters, I called him, I was crazy, and I mean full crazy. He basically had a 'Fatal Attraction' subscription box of my hair, photos of him, lists of children's names, the full shabang. And you think your past was bad? You really think I wanted to take all that shit with me? Read it in the newspapers? When I came here everyone knew about it, and I mean everyone. No guy would talk to me because they thought I would be posting used tampons under their doors. Now look, it passed, and I have friends. They know my past, and they didn't run, because we trust each other and we would do anything for each other"

I paused for a second, "Did you seriously give your ex boyfriend used tampons?" A sudden smack round the back of the head greeted me, not a hard one, but it jolted me. I chuckled and rubbed my head. Renge smirked and shook her head. "Okay" I sighed in defeat, "I'll tell you, I'll tell you all. Together"

* * *

We sat in the communal area next to the bookcases in the dorm hallway. We all sat in our chosen seats with the fireplace burning beside us. Mori, Honey and Kyoya even joined us after Renge filled them in on what I planned to tell them. It was just us, everyone else in the dorms were in their rooms keeping to themselves. I let out a deep breath and looked at each of them. Tamaki, Kaoru, Kyoya, Hikaru, Renge, Mori and Honey...would they really accept all of this? Hikaru did, and I didn't know how much Tamaki knew, but...he hadn't shown me any fear or hesitance.

"So..." I breathed.

Renge gave a smile in support. I don't think she really knew exactly how bad what I was going to tell her would truly be.

"Where do I start?" I mumbled.

"The beginning?" Kyoya replied sarcastically.

What would I call 'the beginning'?

"Right...the beginning..." I paused to gather my thoughts. What was the beginning? When I was born? The beginning of that night? "I guess...my mother would be the beginning" I said, "Uh...my mum...Hana...Well...I uh...only had her really, I never knew my Dad, my mother got pregnant on a one night stand, she said she couldn't even remember what he looked like or what his name was. She always assumed he was brunette since I have brown hair, but honestly she was having sex with so many people she couldn't pick him out of a line up"

No one seemed to shocked, 'So far so good...' I thought to myself

"So you and your mum were close then? Since it was just you two?" Renge replied.

I scoffed inwardly.

"Not in the slightest" I blurted, "Uh...no, not Hana. She wasn't much of a mother, I'm pretty sure she hated me. In fact, she once said 'No one wants to fuck a woman with a kid', so...she resented me for ruining her love life. And honestly, I wish I had done exactly that, because if her statement were true then...Toru wouldn't have come along..." I froze up a little. I peered around at everyone, expecting a reply, but none came. Renge didn't seem so chipper anymore.

So I continued...

"Toru was an even worse influence on Hana. My mother had a drink problem, a drug problem, I don't know what she did for work but...I can imagine the sort of things she went out and...serviced people with. One night, Toru came home with her, and after that night he never left. He would fill the house with his friends, he moved my bed from the living room into the cupboard in their bedroom, in that cupboard I heard...everything" I looked down for a moment, sickened by the things I heard...the things I watched...as a small child. "Toru liked the power that came with being a 'step-father' he would punish me by...hitting me, starving me...just about anything. He liked inflicting misery on me when my mother had taken enough. The night I was found he had punished me the week before by putting me in the corner of the living room and sitting me there. I had to wait there until he told me I could move. I had been there for...about 5 days. I wasn't allowed to go to the bathroom, so I was covered in my own...piss and shit..." I was getting angry now, spitting out the words, "He'd throw water in my face for a drink, and force handfuls of meat and fish guts in my mouth for food. I was covered in my own vomit until he said I stank like shit and hosed me down with a bucket of freezing cold water"

"Oh...Haruhi..." Honey breathed quietly, his eyes were filling up with tears.

"I'd lived so long with him it didn't even hurt anymore...and...he'd done so much worse to me..." I closed my eyes briefly, trying not to cry, "His worst punishments were...unplanned...Hana would pass out...or go out to 'work' and I'd be left alone with him. Sometimes when Hana slept he would...sneak into my cupboard...he would..."

"Haruhi, you don't have to-" Hika spoke up, but I interupted him.

"No, no I have to, I have to say it out loud" I breathed. It didn't seem like Renge could stand to listen, she was shaking in her seat beside me. She already knew what I was going to tell them, "He stuffed socks in my mouth to gag me, then he would...he would..." I froze up and took a deep breath, "I would just lie there, close my eyes and wait for it to end. I tried telling Hana but she couldn't believe that Toru would cheat on her with a pathetic child like me. She didn't care to listen, she was more upset by the idea that he would sleep with someone else rather than the fact that he had sex with her 12 year old daughter. And I lived like that for years...and then that last night...I wanted it to stop. His friend wanted to join in but...I refused to let it happen. It was the strongest I had ever felt, it's ironic that it was the same moment I had decided to die. I ran from the apartment in the night, in the dark, I ran to the bridge, and I jumped. But...a police officer found me, and he brought me here. I wasn't grateful, I wasn't pleased, I didn't feel saved, not in the slightest. I just wanted to hit that water, I wanted my head to go quiet, I wanted those memories to go away"

"Haruhi" Renge was practically crying now, "I...I'm sorry...I shouldn't have made you...

"No...no it's fine"

Actually, it was. No one was fearful, no one seemed to think I was...dirty. I was so confused. Why wasn't I crying? Why wasn't I screaming?

"I think...I think coming here was...a good thing" I breathed, "Regardless of my new therapist...and what happened those weeks ago...I don't feel so...weak now"

"What happened to Toru and Hana?" Kyoya asked, he wasn't stern looking now. In fact, I'd never seen him look so...affected by something.

"They were arrested on the grounds of...abuse, neglect, sexual assult, sexual assult on a minor...amongst drug use, prostitution, cruelty..."

"Death sentence?" Kaoru asked.

"It's not legal here" Hikaru said blankly. I looked at him, he was staring at the ground, unblinking. There was a darkness in his eyes, a hatred, "I hope they're torn apart in prison. You hear the things prisoners do to scum like them" He inhaled deeply, still not blinking.

"How...how could someone do that? How could anyone hurt someone...like that?" Renge was babbling to herself now, staring blindly into the flames of the fireplace.

"I'm sorry" I sighed, "Maybe I shouldn't have told you...everyone looks so...hurt"

"No Haruhi" Tamaki said quietly, "Sharing is good, thank you for trusting us"

"Thank you Haru-chan" Honey said, his voice was angry but still sweet and touching.

"Thank you for...being the only friends I've ever had. Really, thank you so much" I spoke sincerely. I felt that weight lift from my shoulders, and my heart started beating at a comfortable rhythm, unlike anything I'd felt before.

I peered over at Hikaru again, he still hadn't looked up. His body barely moved with the breaths he took, and his eyes never flinched. Renge reached over and touched my hand. She didn't say anything, but I knew she kept her promise. She wasn't going anywhere, none of them were.

* * *

I lay on my bed, for the first time since arriving. Mattresses were oddly comfortable, so cushiony and squishy. Nothing like the floor, nothing like that closet. I almost felt...proud. To even sit on a bed was strange. But here I was, laying down, preparing for sleep. I smiled to myself a little, feeling each little thread holding Toru against me cutting and floating away into the darkness from where he now remained.

As I closed my eyes and began drifting into sleep, a noise alerted my attention. The wall beside me thumped as if something was hitting against it. I raised my hand slowly and touched it, feeling it vibrate against my hand. It was in Hikaru's room. The clock told me it was 2.15am.

"Hika?" I whispered through his door as I stood in the hallway in my pyjamas. It was a little chilly so I hugged my dressing gown around me as I waited for a reply. None came. I knocked again, greeted by yet more silence. Hesitantly, after hearing another thud, I turned the handle and pushed the door open. I was surprised that he hadn't locked the door, but that surprise turned into confusion as I was met with nothing but darkness.

The thudding continued in a rhythm, as if he hadn't noticed my entry. In the blackness, I could just make out the shape of a figure standing against the wall of the small dorm room. I knew it was him, recognising the shadowed spikes of his tired hair and the broadness of his shoulders.

"Hikaru" I whispered again, closing the door behind me. It was then that I noticed the thumping was coming from the impact of his head knocking against the wall.

_Maybe he's sleep walking..._

I glanced around the room, noticing the bed covers strewn all over the room. The mattress was overturned and the bedside lamp was lying crushed on the floor, glass shards from the lightbulb were scattered close to the window, glistening in the moonlight of the open curtains.I rushed over without hesitation and held onto Hikaru. He immediately froze under my touch.

"Stop Hika, please" I pleaded, "Wait here, I'll fix the bed and you can lie back down" I turned to walk across the room, but he reached out and grabbed onto my forearm roughly, making me freeze in my place, "Hika?" my voice shook, "I'm just going to put the bed back together, you need to sit down"

"No Haruhi"

"What's wrong? Are you sleepwalking?"

Hikaru chuckled, in a way I'd never heard him chuckle before.

"Hikaru?" I said, the anxiety in my voice becoming more and more shaky.

"Nope" he said darkly.

I began trying to pull my arm away, but his grasp was far too tight.

"Please let go" I croaked.

It took a moment, but after hesitation, he dropped his hand. He turned to me and stood close to my body, tilting his head down so his nose was almost touching mine.

"Are you scared?" he breathed.

I gulped, "N...no" it was that moment I noticed he was shirtless, I could practically feel his heartbeat from the small inch that separated our chests.

"You don't need to be afraid of me" he whispered, "I'm the one who can protect you"

"Hika?"

"No, not Hika, Hika is sleeping" he smirked.

"Ya...Yasou?"

He didn't reply, he just smiled and lifted his hand to touch my cheek.

"I'll go get someone" I blurted, and pulled out of his reach.

"That's probably not a good idea" he replied, "They'll sent Hikaru back to the red wing if they find out he's had another 'episode'"

I froze once I reached the door. I coudln't let them do that, I wouldn't know how to cope if Hikaru was to be sent away, he was my closest friend here, he was the one who understood the most. I'd always been curious about meeting Yasou. Learning about him, speaking to him. But now that I was, I wasn't all that curious anymore. He wasn't anything like Hikaru, he was dark and menacing, he frightened me a little.

"You know Hikaru isn't strong enough to go through with those plans he promised you?" Yasou smirked in the darkness. I shuddered at his tone, even the way he stood was worlds away from how I saw Hikaru. It really felt like I was truly speaking to a stranger.

"Hika is stronger than you think" I replied shakily, taking my hand off the doorknob.

Yasou chuckled, "I live with him 24/7. I know him better than anyone"

"You're just jealous that you're not the core personality. Why can't you just take the pills Hika gives you and leave him alone. You're tormenting him" I grit my teeth, wishing Hikaru would just break through Yasou's mask and tell me everything would be okay.

"He needs toughening up" he replied, "Maybe my techiniques are cruel, but afterall, he and I are together in this. Forever. He's got to start working with me some time. And if you intend on making your way out of this place with him, you need to accept that I will always be there too"

"Or maybe you could support him? Be something positive and not destructive. He was sent away from Kaoru because of you"

"Anger is a natural reaction. I just deal with it in a more extreme fashion"

"You almost killed someone"

He laughed darkly, a laugh that sent shivers down my spine, "But isn't that the sort of man you want in your life? One that can protect you when someone hurts you?"

"I've seen enough violence in my life, no matter what the reason, it's never good enough to excuse it"

"And what about you? I saw a beautiful spark of violence from you all those weeks ago. I have to say, you're stronger than you like to present yourself"

"That was different" I answered, "I didn't know what I was doing"

There was a dark chuckle in his voice, "Everyone says that, but does anyone really mean that?"

"Stop" I snapped, "Get into bed, clean this mess up, the warden will be here soon to check on you. You can't be acting like this, they won't just send Hikaru away, you'll be sent with him. Do you want that?"

He shrugged, "Before, that wouldn't have mattered to me, but now..." he closed the gap between us, again, standing far too close to me. I could have stepped backwards away from him, but for some reason...I wasn't afraid anymore. "You facinate me pretty girl. You facinate the both of us. It's strange to think that the first thing Hikaru and I ever agreed on was you"

"Then _agree _with me, and go to bed"

"Would you sit with me?"

"I need to be in my room"

"Just for a moment?" he anched an eyebrow and hooked a finger under my chin, "And after I promise I'll be a good boy and clean up and go to bed"

I sighed and looked over at the clock, "We have 25 minutes until the next check up"

"I'm sure I can work with 25 minutes" Yasou grinned.

He moved the mattress off the floor and scaped up the glass into the bin, it didn't take him long to put the room back together. He then laid himself down on the bed, proping his head up with a bent arm. He tapped the mattress beside him, inviting me to lay beside him. I sat down at the foot of the bed, keeping my distance.

"Spoil sport" he chuckled, "I bet if Hikaru were here your answer would be different"

"Maybe so, but you're not him are you?"

"Only physically" he replied, "You could pretend I'm Hikaru"

"You don't sound like him. I don't even know if you look like him"

He smiled again and reached out to turn on the lightswitch. The main light above us flickered on.

"See, I look like him"

I suppose he did. But his eyes...those dark brown eyes. They weren't soft like Hika's, and his lips were tighter and paler than Hika's. Even his body...I'd never seen Hika without a shirt on before, but it just seemed like...like a characature of Hikaru.

"You're not him" I said.

Yasou tilted his head, and for a moment I thought I saw a glimpse of disappointment in his eyes.

"Can I ask something?" I breathed.

"Anything for you" he replied.

"Why do you hate Hikaru so much?"

He paused briefly, "I don't hate him" he answered, "He's my brother, and we share a host. Both our minds in the same place, our thoughts entwined. You can't hate someone who is a part of you. Even if he says he hates me, I know it's not true. I'm in his mind, I know what he feels and thinks. That's how I know he likes you so much, our opinions don't clash on that, not in the slightest"

"What do you mean by 'brother'?" I questioned.

He chuckled, "He can be such a hypocrite sometimes, he makes you open up about your deepest darkest secrets, and yet he doesn't have the guts to tell you his"

"What secret?" I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion.

"Kaoru and Hikaru weren't just born as twins, they were born as triplets" Yasou smiled.

"Triplets?"

"Three babies, three splits in the egg" Yasou said, "However... there were complications in the womb. You see... Hikaru's cord got caught around the third child's throat, causing him to suffocate and unfortunately pass away before he was born"

My hands went up to cover my mouth in shock.

"I...I had no idea..." I spoke quietly.

"Hikaru carried so much guilt with him, knowing that his cord was the one to kill his unborn brother. So much guilt that...he manifested his brother in his mind, to give him life again"

"Yasou?"

"That's the name Hikaru and Kaoru's parents gave the third son"

"Kaoru knows this"

Yasou nodded.

"He created you...to...bring back his brother..."

"His parents thought it was a sick joke. They were made to feel that loss over and over again, until they could take no more. They moved Kaoru and Hikaru here to get better. Kaoru could have stayed at home, but he refused and joined his brother here. Now, Hikaru resents me, even though he was the one that created me. Through his guilt"

"Is that why you...you're so violent?"

Yasou grinned again. He had such a...charm about him. I felt like I should have been afraid but...I wasn't. Not at all.

"Hikaru always had an anger that couldn't come out. So that anger was shut to the back of the mind with me, I just unlocked that box and claimed it as my own. He may not say it, but there's a part of him that's grateful to have me. He likes the security. But he wishes some of that protection came from him, and not me"

"Do you think he's weak?"

"He's weaker than me" he replied bluntly, "He needs to toughen up"

"I don't think he is. He makes me feel safe"

"Don't I?" he asked. He stretched out on the bed, and moved towards me. He approached me until I was leaning back on my hands as he practically hovered over me. I was almost lying on my back. I looked away, feeling my face turn bright red. His chest was so toned and muscular, I so wished he would put a shirt on.

"The wardens will be coming by soon" I said clearing my throat. His body was so warm, his expression was so dark. But I still wasn't afraid.

"Hmm" he replied, "I wonder where the time went"

"Go to sleep" I breathed, standing up from the bed.

"Until we speak again Haruhi" Yasou winked, "I've liked our chat, I wish we could have them all the time"

"Take your medication. Please"

He hesitated, "For you. I suppose I can"

"Goodnight...Yasou"

"Goodnight pretty girl"

And with that, I shut the door behind me, and returned to my room. Just in time for the warden check up, thank goodness.

* * *

**Hi everybody! Next chapter of LTWB is here and the sequel to LionHeart, which will be titled - 'LionHeart: Trust The Night', will be uploaded very very shortly! I just moved house and my hours at work have been unbelievable so I'm a busy bee! I came out as a fanfic writer to my fiance recently so I'm now loud and proud when writing my chapters which means I can do it more regularly! I really hoped you liked this chapter, I know it was a pretty heavy one, but I'm hoping it was enjoyed just the same :)**

**_Thank you my beauties!_**

**Yuli xxxx**


	13. Chapter 13 - The Introduction

**.**

**Let The Wind Blow**

**Chapter 13**

* * *

Hikaru's behaviour wasn't what I had expected when the group converged the next day in the cafeteria. He smiled the same, he laughed the same, he spoke the same. As if nothing from the previous night had happened. I flashed him knowing looks, as if to telepathically signal him to address the elephant in the room. But he would just raise an eyebrow back at me, as if I had grown a beak or something. I guessed Yasou had been true to his word and taken the medication. I was grateful that I had Hikaru back, but a part of me wished he had remembered – just so I could talk about it with someone. It didn't feel right when Hikaru didn't know, like I had invaded his head with the truths I had learned from the lips of Yasou.

Days passed us by in blurs. I went to my sessions, feeling parts of my soul leave me with each and every minute. Those days turned ritualistic and numbed me from the inside. I struggled with my mind even more so than before, now in the presence of Matsuoka, I truly felt like an empty vestle, completely dehumanised and sore all over. And yet I was surprised by my thoughts. They didn't turn to "When I'm dead this will stop" instead, they told me, "We'll sort this out soon, we'll get a new therapist". My mind had had a change of heart, it didn't scream for death, it screamed for change. And that threw me somewhat. Perhaps I was getting stronger? Just like he said.

Days turned into weeks and those weeks became easier but blurrier. I tried to open up a little more to my friends, to Hikaru. He spoke to me more about getting out of the institute, leaving and building a life elsewhere. He said he would keep me safe, and I would do the same for him. He said we would live in a world of adventure and freedom, where our dark sides couldn't find us. Our relationship was becoming more confusing as the weeks went on. I'd never had any sort of relationship before, but now I had a finite group of friends, real people who I felt comfortable with and completely safe. And yet, somehow Hikaru's friendship was stronger than that. His worries had become my worries, his dreams were now my dreams, it felt as if I'd found clarity in a place that had been hazy my whole life.

It was a Saturday, and for some reason, the institute was alive with excitement. It was a world away from the dark place I had come to call home. I had been at Ouran for about 2 months now, and never before had I experienced such shared elation in this place. I was running late for lunch, so everyone else went without me. I changed into jeans and a black t-shirt that Renge had given me when I first moved to Ouran. As it was a weekend, we were allowed the freedom to wear whatever we wanted, according to Mr Suoh this was a way of allowing the residents to express themselves and feel more...normal.

I ran down the stairs and stumbled into the cafeteria. I took my usual seat with the others and slumped back in my chair, out of breath.

"Sleep in?" Renge chuckled.

"I can't remember the last time I slept so good" I sighed with a smile, "I had no idea dreaming was a real thing"

"That's great" Tamaki beamed, "I'm glad you're catching up on your 40 winks"

"Yup" I laughed, "Just another 16 years worth of dreams left to go and I'll be up to date" That gained a chuckle from around the table. I glanced around the cafeteria, noting down the unusual amount of smiles and grins from a lot of the residents. "It seems strangely...chipper around here today" I mumbled questionably.

"It's always like this on Intro Day" Kaoru replied, "Sometimes it's the only thing certain residents have to look forward to"

"Intro Day?" I asked.

"Some of the residents here are runaways, come from broken homes, or have just moved straight out of halfway houses. Intro Day is a day that comes once every couple of months where these residents can meet foster families"

"So...like adoptions?"

"Sometimes full adoptions, sometimes they just find parental figures who offer emotional help. Either way, it's exciting for these residents"

I chewed my lip, "But..." I trailed off, considering my words, "Who would want to adopt people like us? I mean...not to sound like a bitch but...if they want to adopt then why not adopt children sound of mind, who don't need constant help?"

"No offense Haru" Renge chuckled, "But your experience with adults isn't exactly loving. There are plenty of people out there who see a child and want to be the crutch to help them stand again. Yes, it may be easier finding a child who smiles all the time, gets good grades and doesn't need therapy. But loving parents are just that"

"Maybe you'll find someone" Honey spoke up.

I practically choked.

"Maybe I'll find _what_?"

"Loving parents" his tone was dripping in sugar.

I scoffed, "Thanks but no thanks, I've had my taste of family and it's left a bitter tang in my mouth"

"You're 17, and everyone deserves a loving family Haru. Just because you weren't born into one doesn't mean you won't find one" Renge said.

"I'm not ready" I grumbled, shaking it off, "I just...I don't think I could trust that sort of...relationship in my life. Maybe it is my experience talking but...it feels like ownership. And I don't want that. Not again"

"Maybe you should go?" Tamaki suggested, "You don't have to talk to anyone if you don't want to and you don't have to find a foster family or anything. But maybe it'll be good for you to see some nice, normal families"

"I don't think I'm ready for that" I muttered.

"You don't have to choose a family, but maybe it'll be nice to speak to some grounded parents" Honey smiled comfortingly.

I shrugged, "How long do I have to be there?"

"It's only for an hour" Tamaki answered, "Dad was hoping you would have a look around"

I shrugged again and went back to eating my breakfast, as the conversation shifted to something else. I glanced at Hikaru, who hadn't said a word, he just stared down at his plate and said nothing.

* * *

I spent most of the afternoon thinking it over, but my head was telling me so many conflicting things. I knew that not all people would be like Hana and Toru, but I couldn't shake the feeling of deja-vu.

"Haru!"

I turned around to see Hika running down the corridor behind me, he dodged a group of girls and almost tripped over. I chuckled as he stopped by my side.

"You seem...perkier" I smiled.

"Huh?"

"At breakfast you seemed a million miles away"

Hika frowned a little, "Sorry...about that"

"What's up?" I asked, "I'm on my way to the library, come walk with me"

Hika nodded and we continued down the hallway. He stayed silent for a few minutes, so when he finally spoke, it took me by surprise.

"Don't go to intro day" he said suddenly.

His statement made me stop walking.

"What?" I furrowed my eyebrows.

"I don't mean...I...I want you to be happy, and having a new family might make you happy but...we're leaving together, you and I. Just you and I...if you get a family then...you might not want to..."

I was too shocked to respond.

"I know it's selfish of me...I just don't want to...lose you"

"Hika" I sighed, "You're not losing anything. I wasn't even planning on going to this Intro Day thing...I mean I was thinking about it I guess..."

Hikaru scratched his head and took a deep breath, "Maybe...maybe you should go then"

"You just told me you didn't want me to"

"I don't know what I want" He ducked his head and looked down at his feet. He seemed so...sad.

"Hey" I breathed with a small smile. I stepped closer and wrapped my arms around him, it took him a moment but he mirrored me and held me close. "I'm not leaving you" I said.

* * *

At 1 o'clock, I walked towards the hall where Intro Day was being held. I just wanted to get a peek, to see what sort of people would be coming. I peered around the corner and caught a glimpse of familys and residents walking through the doorway to the function room. I saw older couples, parents, little brothers and sisters, even babies. No one looked particularly scary. Not like Toru or Hana. I blinked, my breath hitching in my throat.

"Nervous?" a voice spoke up beside me. I turned my head and met the eyes of one of the older residents. She was wearing big glasses and a wide smile. She held a clipboard in her arms. "I'm glad you decided to come Miss Fujioka"

I stammered, "Oh, no, no I was just having a look...I don't think I-"

"Don't be silly" she chuckled, "Look, you're on my list" she showed me my name on her clipboard. I guessed Mr Suoh put my name down regardless on my opinion. I was led down the hallway and into the Intro Room, it was brightly lit, and completely crowded with families and their children. There were residents running to gather with their parents, and others who hesitantly tried to make conversation. You could easily see how much today meant to a lot of these residents. I felt so out of place amoungst them.

"So...what do I do now?" I breathed.

The girl smiled, "Just mingle. There's drinks and food over there, feel free to take a seat, just have fun. Invite people in"

I wasn't sure what any of those words meant. I made a face as she wandered away back out to the corridor. Suddenly I felt chills down my spine and I had such an uneasy feeling of overexposure. Slowly, I crept over to the drink table and busied myself with cup after cup of water. I watched the other residents open up to their families, with bright smiles and confident hugs. They laughed and cried, passing notes and presents to each other. The newer residents were already making new connections with wandering parents, making their introductions with welcoming arms. My being there felt so...forced. I didn't feel particularly comfortable. Maybe Hikaru was right, I shouldn't have come here. I wondered what the others would be doing right now. It was free period, they were probably lounging around on the grass in the sunshine. A pang of regret drove through me and I glanced at the clock. Only 57 minutes left to go.

_45 minutes._

_30 minutes._

_20..._

I crossed my arms and leaned against the wall. I'd spent most of the hour just watching the residents shyly approaching visiting couples. Some of the foster carers were young, far too young to be adopting young teenagers, but mostly there were just normal looking middle aged couples, dressed in modest expensive clothes, all smiles. You could see which residents were the most popular, I guessed they had already been fostered by some of the parents here as they were hugging and smiling over and over as if they were afraid those parents would change their minds and give them back. It was no surprise that no couples approached me, I kept my head down, not bothering to make any eye contact or show any form of inviting body language.

"Is it your first time here little one" a voice spoke up beside me. I looked up to see who the voice belonged to, and there stood a flamboyantly dressed foster parent with long red hair, styled in glossy curls, with a huge smile. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion, and didn't respond. "It's my first time too. A friend suggested it to me" It was only now that I realised the voice was far too deep to belong to such a glamorous woman. The man smiled a little gentler the longer I stared.

I cleared my throat, "Sorry" I breathed, "I'm here because of my friends too" I replied, "They said it might be good for me to meet some...nice people"

"Have you been to one of these things before?" He asked.

I shook my head, "I've only been here for 2 months"

"You weren't tempted by this sooner?"

I shook my head again.

"Oh well" he said, "I've been told to come for weeks and weeks. My friend Rei fostered a child here about 6 months ago, she brought him home recently. She seems so happy now. I guess I gave in, thought I would see what the fuss is about"

"What do you think of it so far?" I asked.

He shrugged, "I think I...frighten children. It's a big weird seeing a Dad like looks like a Mom"

I chuckled, "I don't know...I like it" I offered him a smile, which he returned with enthusiasm. "This whole...thing confuses me" I mumbled, "If you want to adopt a child, why choose one from here? Surely if you want a child...you'd want one who was...normal"

"Obviously you haven't had very good experiences with parents" he said lightheartedly. I chuckled a little, "Parents exist to love their children. And people who want to be parents have a lot of love to give. They're selfless, and willing to help. No matter what horrible past their children come from. My friend Rei's son, he was abandoned at birth and was adopted by the state, when he reached the age of 10 he started showing a lot of anger, a lot of parents didn't give him a chance. But Rei did. And now her little guy is happier than ever, he's at school, he has friends, he plays football...and he may not have had that if Rei didn't have all that love to show"

I was taken aback by his speech, he smiled at me tenderly, and I couldn't help but smile at him back, "What's your name?" I asked.

"Ryoji" he replied, "But everyone calls me Ranka. Ranka Katayama"

"Haruhi Fujioka" I stuck my hand out awkwardly and shook his hand.

We stood there and talked for a little longer, until the event ended and we were ushered back out. I said goodbye to Ranka at the door before walking down to the library where my friends were all sitting. They stood up to greet me as I approached them.

"How did it go?" Hikaru asked first.

I gave a small smile, "Eh, it was okay. There was food"

"Did you meet anyone?" Tamaki asked.

I shrugged a little and took the empty space on the floor next to Hikaru, "There was one guy I spoke to. We were both on the same page, I don't think he was really there to foster anyone, and I wasn't there to be fostered. He was great"

We talked a little more about Ranka and the Intro Day, before moving onto homework I'd neglected to do and what lessons we had the following day. Around 4 I went for my daily check up with Dr Matsuoka, it was just as horrible as it always was and I spent the full hour staring at the clock. I had to admit that all this torture had made me stronger, more guarded and defensive, but still vulnerable. And it made me realise who my real support was, and who my friends really were. I'd made such strong connections to everyone on my floor, we were now a little family, with all our weird quirks. After my session I trudged back to my room, dragging my feet behind me. As I turned the corner to the stair case, I caught Mr Suoh coming out of his office.

"Haruhi" he beamed.

"Mr Suoh" I answered.

"I'm glad I caught you, I needed to speak with you about the Intro Day today"

"Oh" I replied.

"I'm glad you decided to go, Tamaki said you were a little on the fence about it" he began walking with me towards the staircase, "I understand that you made quite a connection with one of the prospecting parents"

"Ranka?" I questioned.

"Mr Katayama really took a shine to you" Mr Suoh explained, "He was hoping to meet with you on visitation day"

"Really?" my eyes widened, "I thought he wasn't looking to foster..."

"Perhaps he changed his mind. He wants to get to know you a bit better"

"Does he know about my...history?"

"Vaguely" he replied, "He's read your file"

"And he's still interested?"

Mr Suoh nodded, "Mr Katayama seemed to...sympathise"

"I guess he meant what he said about having love to give..." I muttered to myself, "So...when is visitation day?" I asked.

"Every Friday"

"2 days?"

He nodded.

"Okay" I breathed, "Do I...have to RSVP or something?"

"Well, you don't have to go. But...Mr Katayama will still be there"

"So he's definitely coming?"

Mr Suoh nodded sweetly.

I sighed, "I just...I didn't want to be fostered in the first place, I don't even know why I went to that...Intro thing. I mean...am I ready for a parent? I've only been here 2 months. 2 months haven't changed my view on...parent figures"

"Meeting with him won't sign any adoption papers. And I don't think he's ready for that step either. He just wants to talk to you, and I'm sure you'll want to get to know him too. Obviously, with your treatment you won't be discharged from the institute until you're deemed...safe to yourself. So it's not like you'll be going to live with him, playing happy families straight away. But talking to him won't hurt. You can take your time...and if you don't want this then...you don't have to agree to it. But something tells me that you'd like to see what happens. You're an adventurer"

I chuckled, "I guess"

"So...will you be there?"

I hesitated for a moment. Ranka was nice, and I had to admit, I enjoyed talking to him. He was the most normal human being I'd encountered in a long long time, and he was a man in a dress. I smiled to myself, pushing all thoughts of fostering and adoption to the back of my mind. He was a good person, and I guess I did want to see him again, "Okay" I replied, "I'll see him"

Mr Suoh grinned happily, "Fantastic" he said, "I'll make the arrangements"

We stopped walking as we got to the social alcove on my floor. It was empty which told me that everyone was in their rooms.

I said goodbye to Mr Suoh, shaking his hand, before making my way to my bedroom door. As I reached the handle a paused for a moment. I could hear rustling in the room beside mine. Hikaru's room. I knocked on his door lightly, but opened it before I could get an answer. I needed to talk to him about this. He was the one I always went to about this stuff, he was the one I needed to talk to. I pushed the door open, and saw him sat at his desk, doodling something in his notebook. I smiled and let myself in.

"Rude" he chuckled, "You're suppose to wait for me to say come in"

"I'm impatient" I replied. I dropped myself down on the bed with a thump, "I need to talk to you"

"What's wrong?" he questioned, his face morphed with a look of concern.

"You know, it's not always bad stuff I want to talk to you about" I smirked.

He gave me my favourite smile and sat down beside me. The bed bounced as he settled at my side. I admired the boyish dimples in his face, and the way his auburn hair lay tousled and mused over his eyes. Without hesitation I reached out and swept the locks of hair out of his face. He gave me a look that confused me.

I cleared my throat, surprised by my own forwardness, "Ranka wants to visit me" I said.

"The guy at Intro Day?"

I nodded, "Mr Suoh said he wanted to see me on Friday, he wants to get to know me", Hikaru looked unsure, he scratched the back of his neck nervously. I quickly pulled his hand away so he didn't hurt himself. I remembered his earlier words, "Hey, I'm not going anywhere okay"

"I'm sorry, I'm being selfish again" he breathed.

"Don't say that"

"No, no I am. This...possessiveness...it's not me, I don't think. I just...you make me...better. You make Yasou happy, which makes him more compliant. It's selfish, and I know that, but I think it's him. He needs you..."

"Hika-"

"I'm sorry" He breathed, "I really want you to be happy, I want you to have everything you never had. This Ranka sounds lovely and I really hope you'll be happy, I'm sure he'll give you a home, and love, happiness, you'll have-"

I interrupted his words with my lips. I pressed my mouth to his, taking in his words. I exhaled and relaxed against him, losing myself with the softness, the sweetness of his lips. He tasted like peppermint and cinnamon. I'd never kissed someone before. Hikaru was the first. Toru did unspeakable things to me before, he touched me in ways I never wanted to experience before, but he never kissed me, but this...it was the same realm but...it was so different. I felt tingles I'd never experienced, I felt..._love. _

I pulled away after a couple of seconds and I exhaled with a smile.

"Haru" Hikaru breathed, so close to my lips that I could feel his warm breath, "You have...no idea how long I've wanted that"

I smiled at him. He stared at me, his hazel eyes grinned with his lips.

"I'm not going anywhere Hikaru. I'm meeting with Ranka, but I'm not leaving here for a while. And...even if I do...I will never truly leave...you"

He looked straight into my eyes, love exuded from his iris', "I meant what I said...when I told you I wanted a life with you further than this place. One day I promise you it'll be you and me, we'll be safe, with a beautiful house...and maybe one day...we'll get married, we'll have children...I want that, all of that"

"I want that too" I breathed, "Really, I do. And this thing with Ranka...even if something comes out of it. I'm still going to have that life with you...I promise" And I meant it. Hika meant everything to me. He was the first person to make me feel like...a real human being. I leaned in again, enveloping his lips with mine again. I felt every emotion through his lips, it wasn't dirty like Toru always made it, it was beautiful.

"I have to tell you something" I breathed against his lips.

"Can it wait?" he kissed me again, and I felt so much love that it made me quiver.

"No, really" I breathed, "It's important"

He parted our lips and cupped my cheek gently, "What it is?"

His closeness was so...amazing. If anyone had come this close to me I would have trembled with fear. Memories of Toru would have clouded my mind. But Hikaru blocked those fears, he made me feel calm and precious. Like I had nothing to be afriad of.

"I spoke to Yasou" I said.

Hikaru froze, "What?"

"Last night. He spoke to me. I don't know what happened but he was there. He spoke to me and we talked..." I didn't know how to explain it.

"What did he say?"

"Nothing bad. I promise. But I told him to make sure you both took the medication" I explained. I could tell he was angry. "Please, I wanted to tell you but...Yasou.-"

"Don't" Hikaru breathed, "Why the hell would you kiss me after that shit?"

"Hikaru" I spoke softly, "Yasou told me about...your brother. Not Kaoru, the other one. I'm so sorry Hika, I understand now..."

The look he gave me, I couldn't read. It was a mixture of fear, love and hesitance.

"Hika please" my voice was shaking.

"Yasou told you about the stillbirth"

I nodded.

"Shit" he muttered under his breath.

I kissed him again, with more ferocity this time. I melted as much love into that kiss as I could. Before I knew it, I was laying back onto the bed, with Hikaru hovering above me. As he led the kiss into something more. I parted for a moment to look at him. I smiled softly.

"You know I love you don't you?" I breathed.

He froze and stared at me, "Even after Yasou..."

I smiled, "Whatever happened in your past...no matter how bad...no matter how painful. I don't care. You are Hikaru, and I love you, and I love Yasou. I love every single part of you, no matter how dark or regretful"

He seemed hesitant, but he leaned in to kiss me anyway, claiming my lips with his. His tongue fought towards mine and his hands wrapped around me. He laid down on top of me, feeling me, touching me, kissing me, I moulded against him happily. We held each other for a while, exploring each other closer than I'd ever experienced before, we then talked about the night before with Yasou and the meeting today with Ranka. At around 8 I had to leave, as the wardens came by and parted us – telling us to go to our individual rooms. I pouted and left, making sure I kissed Hikaru goodbye before going to my room.

I sat on my bed, alone, thinking about the step I took today with Hikaru, and the step towards a future – with a dad like Ranka. It all felt so...weird. But I knew I'd made a move towards a brighter and happier future, in just one day. I smiled to myself and took my tablets. The laid down on the bed, and for the second time I fell asleep on my bed.

And for the first time, it was with a smile on my face.

* * *

**Well shit, I'm on a roll here! 3 updates in only a couple of days!**

**If you like my stories, please go and take a look at my other stories! I've recently started LionHeart 2 and would love to hear what you think of them. If you love Hikaru and Haruhi then you'll love Lionheart!**

**Please remember to Review/Favourite/Follow!**

**Yuli xxx**


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